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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4308
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My husband and I got into a debate about groceries. When we

Resolved Question:

My husband and I got into a debate about groceries. When we split the bill for the groceries he takes it upon himself to eat most of the food without being courteous to leave a remainder for me. He gets on the defense saying that he will starve if he had to wait for me to eat the remainder but yet he doesn't realize if I wanted some of the food there would be none because he ate most of it. I dont think he see the
brighter picture and he comes off selfish. He
mentioned he should just buy his own food which I agreed. But when I agreed it seemed like it made him
even more upset.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am sorry that your husband has been exhibiting this type of behavior, I can imagine that this can be frustrating for you

Dr. Z :

I would like to ask a couple questions to get some more information, so that I can better assist you

Dr. Z :

Does your husband display any selfishness in other areas of behavior with you or others?

Dr. Z :

Does your husband have an issue with any possible over-eating or binge-eating?

Customer:

I know he likes to eat and he even stated sometimes he has to too go to bed.

Dr. Z :

When you say that he likes to eat, do you believe that he may have a possible addiction to food?

Customer:

Not that I can recall but when he is hungry he gets irritated

Dr. Z :

Okay well being hungry can cause irritability for some people, this is why some people who suddenly diet become irritable during the first few days to a week.

Dr. Z :

Has ever been selfish in any other areas or is it primarily just with food?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

he has been selfish in other areas

Customer:

we have a 8 month old daughter and I wanted to take her for a walk while he was getting rest from his night job. But he wanted me to wait until he wakes up so he could go with us. I told him that would be pointless because a lot of ppl will be out around the time he is up. Thats why I wanted to get out early but he couldnt understand why I couldnt wait for him.

Dr. Z :

So it seems like he is not necessarily selfish, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture and looking ahead. He only sees what is right in front of him at that moment. Does he have any issues with planning ahead at all, like is he incapable of doing this?

Customer:

Yes and it seems like Im always the person who makes most of the plans for us

Dr. Z :

This seems to be a cognitive problem that is causing this and not necessarily his personality, so I do not think he is being selfish at all, he is just incapable of seeing ahead and realizing that you would have no food if he ate it all.

Dr. Z :

Has he ever suffered any concussions at all in his life? or possible Traumatic Brain Injuries?

Customer:

he lost his grandmother in 2005 and tried to harm himself with pills in 07

Dr. Z :

Did you know him back at this time?

Customer:

no

Customer:

we met in 2010

Dr. Z :

Okay, does he have any difficulty keeping focused, is he easily distracted, talk fast, and may have racing thoughts?

Customer:

yes

Dr. Z :

Yes to all of those?

Customer:

not talking fast but the rest yes

Dr. Z :

Okay, I think your husband may have Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Now if in 2007 after he tried to harm himself, his behavior suddenly changed, then it is possible that the pills may have caused some cognitive impairment, but since you met him in 2010, you would not have this information. This is why I am leaning to Adult ADHD as the symptoms of inability to plan ahead, difficulty keeping focused, easily distracted, and racing thoughts are all symptoms of this disorder. Here is a link explaining it in further detail for you

Dr. Z :

He may need proper medication from his General Practitioner or a psychiatrist to help correct this behavior

Customer:

Yes Ive had some thought that he might be adhd as well. I remember we had a phone conversation back when we were first getting to know eaxch other and he kept jumping off the subject. It started to annoy me so I asked was he adhd and he said I will call you back and hung up the phone.

Customer:

He thinks any disability is considered labeling

Customer:

But I think he is indenial

Dr. Z :

And yes jumping from topic to topic is a sign of this disorder, I would encourage him to get an evaluation from a doctor. ADHD is not a label, you have to point it out that this is like any other medical disorder. If he had diabetes or a hypertension, then he would take the appropriate medicines for it with no issues. With ADHD this disorder is just in the most complicated portion of the human body, the brain and medicine will help him.

Customer:

He doesnt think anything is wrong with nor does he takes advice from anyone

Customer:

him^

Customer:

He is very stubborn

Dr. Z :

I am sorry to hear that, I think the right kind of medication will help him with this issue greatly. Here is a good book on the use of techniques that are in denial of their possible mental health disorder that I think will provide you with insight on this issue

Dr. Z :

Also you should be encouraging to him and supportive. Say that you are willing to go to a doctor with him and will stand by him as he deals with this.

Customer:

Also when we have current arguments he likes to bring up old incidents that has nothing to do what we are debating about just so he can feel like he is making a relevant point. But little does he know he isnt.

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry, I can imagine this is frustrating to you. This disorder of Adult ADHD is easily manageable and treatable with the right medication

Customer:

yes my best friend has it and she is open about and not ashame. she even told me he has characteristics of adhd.

Customer:

she would know more then me because she has it

Dr. Z :

Yes she would know more, it definitely appears that his symptoms fit the criteria for this disorder. Now it is just about helping him see this and that having this disorder does not make him any less of a person. This is not a label, it is just a disorder, but it does not have to define who he is

Customer:

But thats the way he thinks and nobody can tell him any different

Dr. Z :

You can try having close friends or family members, people that he looks up to, talk to him and help him realize that he needs this type of treatment. You can suggest going to couples therapy to help him realize that these issues are present and bring an objective viewpoint to suggest seeing a doctor for ADHD.

Customer:

yea

Dr. Z :

You can also try making an ultimatum that he should see a doctor to get properly evaluated, but I think this should be a last resort as I am not a big fan of the ultimatums

Customer:

me either

Customer:

because we have a daughter together and thats one bond I dont want to break

Customer:

He told me with his last girlfriend she had to put a peace order on him

Customer:

I know when things doesnt go his way he does act out of character but he doesnt scare me at all. Ive been in worse situations in my past.

Dr. Z :

Well these are all reasons for him to get evaluated. I mean if an ex-girlfriend put a peace order on him and I am sure he does not want to repeat this behavior, then seeing a professional for an evaluation has to be stressed to be, so that he does repeat the same mistakes. I think he wants to be a good husband and father, now if his daughter had these issues he would want her to get help too, so that she can live a productive and healthy life

Customer:

He doesnt believe in children being evaluated. Like I said before he consider that as labeling. He implating this way of thinking inside his head. But as long as Im around I will do whats best for my daughter if I see signs and there isnt anything that he can do to stop me.

Dr. Z :

I understand, hopefully you will be able to get him the help that he needs for his benefit and for the sake of your marriage

Dr. Z :

Try getting that book, I think it will definitely help you for this situation

Customer:

I will and thank you

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope that he gets the treatment that will make him feel better. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

Sure. Have a great day!

Dr. Z :

You as well :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4308
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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