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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4498
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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hi i am krisa from india, my problem is my wife is not intrested

Resolved Question:

hi i am krisa from india, my problem is my wife is not intrested in marriage life and not intrested in sex. she is working in another country and i am working in another country. i found she has many boy friends before marriage. i found she is intrested with seeking friendship with boys more than girls. now i am not sure she has boy friends or not. we came from a traditional family.I can not go to her place for next 8 months. i am planning to threaten her to divorce her if she wont come here or can i wait for next 8 months and go to her country and start to live with her? what can i do? my marriage finished before 1.6 years and i spend only 40 days with her.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you have been experiencing these issues with your wife, I can imagine how distressing this must be for you.

Customer:

hello doctor what can i do

Dr. Z :

I think that waiting for 8 months to see your wife and talk to her about these issues you two are having is too long a wait for both of you.

Customer:

ok

Dr. Z :

I would not make a threat to your wife though, but ask her if she can come and see you or if you can see her in the near future to discuss these issues that you two are having.

Dr. Z :

But if she has been unfaithful to you and is not going to admit this, then most likely she may not be willing to reconcile and make the marriage work

Customer:

i have discussed before 3 months detailed with her

Dr. Z :

And what is her response?

Customer:

but she is telling i want to lo live with you but she cannot be a normal wife

Dr. Z :

What does she mean by "normal wife?"

Customer:

she is not intrested with me, normal girls very much like to talk to their husband

Customer:

but she is not doing that

Customer:

during sex she is closing her eyes and cover her chest with hand

Customer:

and not showing any affection

Dr. Z :

So she is not showing you appropriate affection or intimacy in most aspects of the marriage, which is hurting you because you are trying to do everything right by this marriage

Dr. Z :

Does she explain why she does not show you affection?

Customer:

yes doctor

Customer:

yes

Customer:

we had problem before marriage and i found her she is not intresting with me. ours is arranged marriage by our parents. it was arranged well. but when she came for marriage she has lied her friends that she go for surgery n brain and took leave from her company and came to marriage. after marriage i got her friend phone number and he got surprised that she got married with out nform him and talk to him for 6 months after she got marred wth me.her most of her friends didnt know she got married

Customer:

she told i dont like yr physical appearence the reason i married you we are same age group

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry to hear this is how she is feeling towards you and did not even tell her friends about the marriage. Well some individuals are usually resistant in the beginning to the arranged marriage and this is why she may be acting this way, but soon they adapt and adjust to it and learn to love their spouse in time. But I think you do have to consider if this is the marriage that you want and if you think you can truly be happy with her acting like this for a sustained period of time.

Dr. Z :

It is also difficult for you two to be closer together on an intimate level (emotionally and physically) because of the distance between you two as you both work in different countries as well.

Dr. Z :

I think your marriage would have a better outcome of resolving your issues if you lived nearer to each other, but that is no guarantee either.

Customer:

can i forcely bring her here by threatening divorce. in our country people wont respect girls who are divorced. more over i am planning to keep her here for with out job for 6 months with me. is it possible she will be adopted with me

Customer:

or can i wait for next 8 months to go back and work in her country, find a job for me and stay with her

Dr. Z :

I believe that if you do force her to go to you by threatening divorce, this will just push her away from you on an intimate level, although she may go to you because she does not want to lose respect in her home country by getting a divorce. If you think you can wait 8 months to move to her and work in her country and start repairing your relationship there, that will probably yield a better outcome for your marriage, but I am not sure you can wait that long without some effort from her.

Dr. Z :

She has to try to make an effort to at least communicate affection for you to help you during these next 8 months.

Customer:

she is not showng more affection with me while making calls and she is talking to me for morning 1 minite after noon 1 mon and night 1 min

Customer:

not willing to come for face to face chat also

Customer:

after noon 1 minute and totally 3 mins per day

Dr. Z :

Those are not good signs and if that behavior from her continues, then I do not think it would be possible for you to wait 8 months. But if you force her to move to you, then she may dislike you more and this can make things worse for you. But if you do threaten her and then make a compromise that she has to be more affectionate and talk longer on the phone or in video chats with you, then that can be something you both can work with

Customer:

ok then i will put efforts to bring her here by talking hardsteps and make her live with me for atleast 6 months with me

Customer:

hope that may work

Dr. Z :

It may work, but it may make things worse too because she is showing no affection towards you, so this will be a difficult road for both of you. But I hope you two can work things out amicably

Customer:

she is not coming for any compromise when i start showing her love and she is using hard words at that that time that hurting me

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry, I know how hurtful that can be for you

Customer:

her father has hearing problem and she is the only child for her parents. her father didnt show affection n her childhood on wards and he is not involve in our marriage activities also.

Customer:

their parents are crying for her

Customer:

for she is not livng with me for the last 1.6 years

Dr. Z :

I am sorry, this must be very tough for you. Do you truly think you will ever be happy in this marriage?

Customer:

they want a grand sun

Customer:

no

Dr. Z :

I can imagine that is what they want

Customer:

they want her to live wth me

Dr. Z :

Well is there anyway you can break off the marriage in a way where she will not lose respect in her home country, so that you both can be happy?

Dr. Z :

I understand that is what she wants, but I also want you to be happy and with someone that appreciates you

Customer:

in our country girls are not respected if she dvorced

Dr. Z :

So there is no other way, I just wanted to ask because I think you deserve affection and happiness too

Customer:

yes

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry. Well try the hardway and hopefully she will respond positively to it

Customer:

every husband is expectng the same from their wife

Customer:

thanks dude

Customer:

sorry

Customer:

thank you doctor

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I hope it all works out well for both of you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Dr. Z :

You can call me dude :)

Customer:

thanks z

Customer:

from your brother

Customer:

take care bye

Customer:

happy for your service

Dr. Z :

I am glad that you are satisfied, I hope you and your wife reconcile and that she become more affectionate to you. If you need anything else, please contact me at anytime.

Customer:

sure z bye

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4498
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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