Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that you exhibiting these symptoms, I can imagine how distressing this must be for you.
that's good - cos I can't
I would like to ask a few questions to get some more information, so that I can better help you
Do you have any issues with low self-esteem or low self-confidence?
low self esteem at times yes
Also you mentioned trying CBT, for how long did you try it and was this with a therapist?
4 months and yes with a fully fledged qualified guy
who could type lol
Okay, and what specific "obsessive" thoughts concern you about your wife's prior love life?
obviously the sexual activity but also trying o understand what emotions she had, what had she in common with him, any minute detail
And you say that these thoughts usually come and go for the last 30 years?
yes - its like a recurring dream - not a good analogy but the best I can do
Its okay, I think I understand what you mean. Alright, well usually these these obsessive thoughts are caused by low self-esteem that you may have, so the goal would be to raise your self-confidence to a level where you do not care about her past love life. I would encourage you to continue with CBT because 4 months is not nearly enough time to help with these thoughts that you are having. Also you may want to try something similar to CBT called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that is similar, but puts a greater focus on emotions as well. Here is a good DBT link and a book on the subject.
ok that's a new "technique" to me
The good news is that this is most likely not a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but a result of this low self-confidence. In addition, you can also try a low dose of an antidepressant that may be beneficial for you in conjunction with the CBT or DBT techniques.
Well it is very similar to CBT in many ways, but has a number of extra techniques to help manage your emotions better
hammered st johns and vitamin b a lot
It may provide a different treatment outlook for you
when I was on the cbt
Omega-3 and Glutamate are also beneficial too
yes i'd heard that
Omega-3 regulates mood, and Glutamate will lower anxiety
If you wanted to try an antidepressant, a good one is called Escitalopram. It is very effective, fast acting, and has a lower amount of side effects compared to other antidepressants.
is there any "spare" advice that would help my wife cope with this ?
cope with me I mean
Well your wife can be supportive obviously and reassure you, which is what I am sure she is doing already. But she can try to be active in your CBT and DBT techniques to help you see things in a more objective manner and not focus on those negative thoughts.
I think your wife may feel helpless at times because she cannot help you, so this will give more of an impact on your treatment, so it helps her feel like she is assisting you
ok - given me some new things to think about -
and not sitting on the side lines
Anytime, is there anything else I can assist you with?
no that fine - it been useful. good night