Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and concerning situation
Could you please tell me more how these radical changes happened 10 years ago, affecting your social life this much?
What you describe is truly serious, since it shows how you have alienated yourself from the world around you. Please tell me more about how it started and evolved in all these years and how is your life at the other core areas, including job, health, responsibilities, etc?
Yes very frustrating I'm not sure how or why it happened one thing I think contributed to this was I had a serious drug problem which I slowly fixed but when I'm with people I just shut down
I see, that could explain this serious problem then. If you had no serious socialization problems before your drug abuse/addiction situation, then drugs could easily impact and damage a person's mental health to the point of creating this an d nay other disorder.
I have a job and i am successful at it but its like I have to life's when I'm at home it just me
What about your rehabilitation process? when people suffer of drug abuse-addiction, they need to work on personal issues behind the addiction in order to truly rehabilitate and create a healthy and fulfilling life. It is obvious you have not felt well at all for all these long but you said you have done nothing about it, right?
I see, then you are very functional around your work, but have a tough time with all the other core dimensions, from family to friends and personal relatiosnhips.
I quite and have bee clean for 5 years I did this on my own it was very hard thing
What could have happened is that the mental health problems you had at that time, worsened by the drug abuse-addiction, impacted you to the point of affecting your personality, and the fact you have been living this way for so many years, it got more engrained in yourself making things worse
I bet it was and only you know how hard it's been for you, then I wonder how have you been able to rehabilitate from the psychological and emotional issues related to it.Once to stop using a substance is tough, to heal and grow inside is just much harder and requires a lot of harder work and close family and professional support. A good support system and psychological therapy to make it work for you, it just does not happen spontaneously.
Drugs use to numb fellings and experiences of pain, fear, frustration, sadness, hopelessness, lack of control, relief and fulfillment in life, and when the person does not know how to work on all these core areas and takes away the numbing an distant relief effect from drugs, the chances for relapse are very high, and if not the mental health disorders associated would stay , could get worse and new ones would appear.
I lack any sort of emotions I feel depressed a lot of the time and alone.
It appears you have been able to use hard work as your main way to compensate and cope, while deeply neglecting everything else important in your life, while these core issues around alienation, excessive fears, and anxiety had got worse.
Yes that is how I dealt with it
I think you have been suffering of serious depression and anxiety and that they and other problems have got to undermine your personality because of how long you have been living with them without necessary treatment and support.
Then I would say work has become your behavior of addiction, and the most direct way to alienate yourself even more while seriously neglecting everything else. As you can see, this is not rehabilitation, but relapse that started long ago and has stayed all this time, but since it is not as shocking as a substance abuse/addiction issue, it gets tougher to get confronted
What would u suggest I do to get on top of this. You are spot on with what I'm dealing with
Please look for a very good, ethical and competent individual psychotherapist with expertise in depression,anxiety, mood disorders and addictions.
Ideally a program for "dual-diagnosis" where you could get treatment for the mental health disorders -depression -anxiety- and for the addictive issues. It should include individual and group psychotherapy and ideally family therapy too.
This is a long term process, never easy, but necessary and worthy for sure.
Please commit to it for it to work, otherwise it would be helpless, since these distortions could have been integrated-internalized in your personality and that always makes changes and improvements much tougher.
Your "support system" must play a healthy and active role here, specially because of the core issue around alienation and isolation.
Ok I have the addiction under control I need to fix the mental health problem
The addiction make have turned into work addiction and addiction to isolate-alienate yourself, it is the same core just a different mode.
What is meant with support system
Yeah ok u are spot on with what is happening
Addictions are ways to escape from reality, to avoid pain, exposure to what feels painful, to get some sense of control, and relief, and that seems to be what you have been doing using work and isolation
Good. Then lease reflect on it, take gentle care and consistent action to work on yourself and making concrete changes with necessary support, for you to build the life and fulfillment you need and deserve.
Please feel free to contact me as necessary, since I am here willing to support you as possible.
In case you would like further support through professional and confidential online counseling, just let me know and I would be willing to support you that way too.
Ok I really appreciate you time and assistance I will look into what u have suggested. Thanks
You're very welcome. Thanks and bye for now.