I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your friend is experiencing these symptoms so strongly today, I can imagine that this distresses him and you to watch
I would like to ask a few questions to get some more information, so that I can better assist you
When your friend gets mad, what exactly does he say? Does he want to confront this cousin in some way?
no, he always tell me.
So he does not want to resolve it, he just dwells on it?
Does he hold grudges for other things or is just this argument that you know of?
he does hold grudges for other things
when you response, I may be a few minutes answering but is still here
So this is most likely a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder where he obsesses over issues that he feels wronged him. Now this is not a disorder per se, but he definitely needs to learn to express his anger/frustration in an assertive way and not let it fester inside. Here is a good worksheet to help him with this.
Anger is a natural emotion that all people must learn to express or it will build up in time and eventually he will let it out in an uncontrollable way. If he learns to be assertive with expressing his anger/frustration then he will be able to get that cathartic release and he will not hold grudges or obsess over it anymore.
Now if he has issues with suspicions, believe others are trying to work against him, or appears paranoid about certain things, then his ability to hold grudges can be a symptom of a persistent disorder, but so far you have not stated this
Sometimes the symptom of holding grudges may be a sign of depression as well, where they have a pessimistic view of the world and hold onto those negative thoughts (grudges) firmly as well.
he is taking lexpro medication for PTS
Well holding grudges can be associated with the depressive symptoms of PTSD, that is possible
That worksheet I gave earlier can help him with this
Here is a link where it briefly explains the mixture of anxiety and depression, like seen in PTSD can cause this symptoms of holding grudges.
Also another good technique is to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to correct this behavior because holding onto the grudges are negative thoughts. CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.
So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help him keep track of any negative thoughts he has. He puts the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want him to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help him change him way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.
In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen these symptoms of PTSD as well. It can help him focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.
Also individuals PTSD have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better. Holding grudges is a sign of avoidance and a poor coping mechanism, so this will help too
In addition, for further exercises to help him, these books are good.
so bringing up things that happened 2 years ago and getting just as upset is not normal.
how do I print out this conversation?
No it is not normal, it is a sign of obsession and most likely related to his PTSD.
Well fr printing you can right click on your mouse and select print. Also this chat will be saved in your JA account under My Questions. And an email with a link to this chat should have been sent to you as well
And here are some last things to help end grudges by helping your friend learn to forgive
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX all your help
Anytime, I am always happy to help. I wish your friend all the best and I hope he gets better soon. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
you provide excellent service. Thank you so much.
You are most welcome :)