Hello I believe I can help you
I am so sorry that your partner has been exhibiting these symptoms, I can imagine how distressing this must be for you
May I ask for how long has he exhibited this kind of behavior?
This is possibility a paranoid personality disorder or a delusional disorder paranoid type, both have very similar symptoms
Now in order for your partner to be "cured" or manage this behavior he would need intensive Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.
Now while this treatment can be successful, it is still very long and difficult where the success rate is not encouraging unfortunately.
quite early on and every time he drinks it is much worse. Just a couple of months in. It has now been over 18 months with alot of up and downs. Money is an issue drinking too. He comes to others as confident, but I can tell he is putting it on. Quite controlling too. I've alwsys been independent, I have told him he does repect that about me either.
The controlling has to do with a delusional jealousy which can occur with both disorders and he is definitely exhibiting severe symptoms of this disorder unfortunately
I think you have to consider your son and yourself and possibly break away from this man because he is not motivated or willing to seek therapy as he views the problem being with you and everyone else and not himself (he shows poor insight into his disorder).
I know. I guess I have been trying to keep seeing the beautiful man he can be. He has children himself. He is great when with them, but sometimes not regular has he puts other things first. Which is upsetting. He has abandonment issues from his childhood. Does havebtrouble showing affection as well.
I am so sorry, he does sound like a good man, but his disorder will escalate and so will his control of you because of these issues and without proper treatment, he will not get better and be that man you want to see
So unless he can admit to these issues. He will just continue on this path of self destruction and to others in his life.
He will have to admit that he has a psychological disorder and willingly seek treatment or this will not get better for him I am afraid. In fact his behavior will just escalate and he will get worse over time without treatment.
I have thought about writing to him, as he does get verbally agressive. Then leave it there as everything I can possibly do to help him get help. If hits a note with him good. If not he probably will never get it. Is that right?
Writing him an email or a letter can be good, but I fear that he will not responsive and may get defensive with it as he did not want to come with you to see a counselor before.
I understand that you care for this man and want him to be well and healthy, but he will definitely have to seek this treatment on his own or be willing to try therapy
True. I have pretty much tried everything. So I know it is time to distance myself from him. He has moved back with family at the moment. He does not have house keys anymore.
I know it will be hard for you, but I think this will be best for you in the long run
Hopefully he will seek treatment for this later in his life.
Thank you. It has confirmed what I have been thinking. People with this disorder are very clever at fooling others around them. Even his family don't see it
Individuals with Delusional Disorder can "fake good" in front of others because they do not trust many other people and feel that they will use the information against them.
So this is why he appears good in front of others. Also you are the focus of his jealousy and this is why he is like this around you
I know. Sometimes the simplest of things would become so difficult. Even picking my son from ex husband. As he was extremely jealous of him. Or make it hard and difficult with his ex wife too
I am so sorry, I know this was difficult for you. I think you are making the right decision by distancing yourself.
I know and thank you
Anytime, I am always happy to help. I wish you all the best. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.