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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5729
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My husband walked out 2 months ago after 15 years together,

Resolved Question:

My husband walked out 2 months ago after 15 years together, I am not ready to give up, what can I do? We have 2 boys ages 10 and 13, they are having a hard time
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that your husband walked out on you like this, I can imagine how hurt you are

Dr. Z :

May I ask, what was his reasons for walking out of the marriage 2 months ago?

Customer:

Beyond beief

Customer:

Things that happened in the past, said I put my other children, not his about him, my son had a drug problem and I though tit was my job to help

Customer:

Now my younger children are suffering because of the choices I made with my older ones

Dr. Z :

So you mentioned that you are talking to him a little, what do you two talk about?

Customer:

how much I miss him and want it to work, about the boys suffering, he said he would see them everyday if he didn't have to see me

Dr. Z :

Have you discussed with him couple's counseling at all?

Customer:

he said he was done...that we have nothing to talk about

Dr. Z :

Wow, so he is not even remotely considering couples counseling. I think one thing you can do is go to counseling for yourself and then after a couple sessions, you should invite him. This may show him that you are willing to change and try to better the relationship

Customer:

I have tried to contact counselors and have not gotten any response

Customer:

I am will to do what ever I can to save my marriage

Dr. Z :

Really? That is unfortunate. Would you like me to compile a list for you of qualified therapists in your area? I may come up with some names that you have not called yet

Dr. Z :

I think therapy is the first step to try to save your marriage, but this will take time

Customer:

The ones I called do not accept insurance or couldn't do it at certain times, I wanted to go to family counseling to help my boys as well

Customer:

If you can suggest anyone that would be helpful

Dr. Z :

Sure, what is your zip code?

Customer:

I feel like I am just going through the motion and not really functioning

Customer:

01752

Dr. Z :

I understand, and this is very hard for you which is why I think seeing a therapist is key for you

Customer:

I have lost 23lbs in the past 2 months, I have no appitite

Dr. Z :

Give me a few minutes to compile a list for you

Customer:

The worse part for me is that i am in college now for Human Services

Dr. Z :

That is a sign of grief that you are going through

Customer:

I am not sure how much more I am going to be able to handle

Dr. Z :

I understand, have you considered a temporary use of an antidepressant at all?

Customer:

no I am afraid of things like that....I don't even have time to do something for me, yoga, meditation,

Dr. Z :

Here are the list of the therapists that may help you

Dr. Z :

I would also like to give you some material and techniques for a therapy that you can do by yourself to help your symptoms as well, because while I know you want to be with your husband, you also have to take care of yourself for you and your children

Customer:

Between working, going to school, kids sports and raising my boys I am afraid that I am going to fail them

Dr. Z :

I know you are and I am so sorry, I would like to recommend these books for you as well

Dr. Z :

Also these natural supplements can help improve your mood. St. Johns Wort, Omega-3, Glutamate, and Valerian Root.

Customer:

I have tried the valerian root as well as meletonin because i don't sleep

Dr. Z :

The melatonin is good for sleep, but it does not help if your lack of sleep is caused by anxiety/depression

Customer:

I sleep about 2 hours a night

Dr. Z :

Another thing you can do with your husband is write a letter and explain all your feelings and thoughts on paper, and then apologize and mention the couples counseling to help mend the relationship

Customer:

I have written him letters everyday for the past month

Dr. Z :

And he has not responded to you?

Customer:

when he picked up the boys tonight I gave him a letter and the 10 reason why to stay married

Customer:

he said he has nothing to say

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry. You have to give him space now. I would suggest going to therapy and then after a few sessions, you can ask him to attend because your counselor would like to talk to you too

Dr. Z :

*talk to him too

Customer:

its so hard, the boys miss him and want to see him too

Customer:

he doesn't understand how this is affecting them as well

Dr. Z :

I know you do, there is not 100 percent sure way to fix this unfortunately, you will have to give him space and home he reconsiders or is open to couples therapy in the future.

Customer:

how do I handle it in the mean time? I cry everyday, I don't sleep, I am barely able to hold on

Dr. Z :

Well that is why the therapy can help, I also want to show you some good Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Techniques that may help as well

Dr. Z :


CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.


Dr. Z :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Dr. Z :

In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen anxiety and depressive symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.

Dr. Z :

Also individuals with severe depression have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.

Customer:

I am trying to do that, I put a smile on my face when I need to, but as soon as I am alone I lose it

Dr. Z :

I know, these worksheets help to consider objective/alternative thoughts. They are not meant to be just positive, but meant for you to consider all possibilities. The St. Johns Wort has excellent antidepressant properties and that should help as well

Customer:

can I download them

Dr. Z :

Oh yes you definitely can, they are free for you. Even after you rate me this chat will be saved on your JA account under My Questions also you should have received an email with a link to this chat, so these links of the worksheets will always be there for you

Customer:

ok

Dr. Z :

I know that this will be hard for you, but I think these are the right steps to take to try to save your marriage. It will not be easy, but I think this is the best way for you and your husband to help repair your relationship

Customer:

I am not really sure how much more I will be able to handle

Dr. Z :

I know, try the techniques and try the therapists that I provided for you. They should be able to help you

Dr. Z :

And I am always here if you want to talk more too

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX like I have no one that can help me,

Dr. Z :

I know you feel that way now, but you do. Those therapists should be able to help and you have me here as well, so you do have some resources to support you through this difficult time.

Customer:

Thank you,

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. I truly hope that you and your husband repair your marriage soon. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

ok

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5729
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Mental Health Professional
5729 Satisfied Customers
Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.