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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5199
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I wanna know about BPD, I think my wife could have itbut I wanna be su

Resolved Question:

I wanna know about BPD, I think my wife could have it
but I wanna be sure
any advice please
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 12 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

So Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a very severe disorder that is characterized by rapid mood swings (usually consisting of negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and anger), fear of abandonment, self-destructive behavior, impulsivity, anger outbursts, self-loathing, and possible suicidal or self-harming behavior. Here is a good link that can explain it in more detail for you

Dr. Z :

Now she can display all of these symptoms or only part of them, it depends on how severe her level of BPD is, if she in fact has it.

Dr. Z :

This is also a good link explaining BPD in more detail as well.

Customer:

hi

Dr. Z :

Hello there

Customer:

the thing is , I communicated with one of the experts here, and she made me think about BPD

Customer:

is it ok if I asked my question again to you

Customer:

Hello !!!

Dr. Z :

Of course it is okay, I was just reading your question you made previously. That was to a relationship expert and not a mental health expert, those were two different categories, so you can ask me your question here definitely

Customer:

Ok, for me it is the same as I am looking for a solution

Dr. Z :

I specialize in the treatment of BPD and other personality disorders as well, so I know a lot about it.

Customer:

ok that is great

Customer:

so my wife can get angry easily

Customer:

ok before I start stating my problem, I would like to highlight that I wanna know if the problem comes from her side or mine

Dr. Z :

Well the best treatment for her is called Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). DBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen. In addition, DBT adds an emotional component to help control her negative emotions as well.


 

Dr. Z :

Sure no problem, I understand that.

Customer:

thank you

Customer:

we been married since a year ago, we come from different backgrounds , I am arab and se is european

Customer:

from the begining of our relation, she had this anger, but was hidden and was not always there,

Customer:

now anything can get on her nervous

Dr. Z :

Okay

Customer:

she would fight with me in every discussion we have , she was willing to admit in the begining that its her fault and she willing to change,but every 2 days we had a fight, she has this anger and she is so challenging and she denies manh things she said before,or claims that I have done things which she done

Customer:

today she asked me something about her job, and I was asking her question to understand what she wants

Customer:

for a reason that i dunno, she just burst and start fighting and accusing me that I dont trust her and i interfer in her job and shows her that she is incapable of doing it

Customer:

she has hormons problems lately and thyroid as well

Customer:

but even before these health issues she used to be aggressive,and she used to tell me taht she get angry and aggressive and a defence mechansim and she can not lower her attitude and tone at taht point to make things better

Customer:

she been married twice before me , and she used to tell me things happend with her ex's, and that one of them treated her badly and even went through a physical abuse by him but it was once bfore they end the marriage,the thing is what she told me that happened with her exs is happeneing now with us

Customer:

I can snap easily, but recently I am trying to hold myself ,and I dont go crazy, to do horrible thigs,but now I start to control myslef

Customer:

I feel she is dealig with me like I am a stranger man ,or someone who doesnt mean anything to her when we discuss things which turns out to be a fight

Customer:

many things she has declined that happened or agreed on , and accusing me that I have a rusty memory

Customer:

ok I belive sometimes I do forget things , but there are things can stick in my head because they are like milestones for me

Customer:

but even these things she made me to start questioning them if they really happend or not

Customer:

this is my problem in brief

Customer:

if u would like to ask me any questions to get a better picture , I would be glad to answer

Customer:

hopefully i expressed my self properly in english as it is not my first language

Customer:

:)

Dr. Z :

I think she can have BPD because of the anger issues, relationship history, and her wide mood swings. Obviously she would need an evaluation by a professional to make that determination

Dr. Z :

No you did great :)

Dr. Z :

So you think that her behavior can somewhat be your fault? Why do you think that?

Customer:

but when i read about BPD, I could apply the symptoms to everyone I know including myself

Dr. Z :

Haha, well the symptoms have to cause great distress for the individual and have to be a part of the person's personality.

Customer:

I dont know if it could be my fault or not, but I been in many relationships in my life, (never married ) was engaged couple of times, so this is one of the symptoms of BPD, not to have stable relationships

Customer:

so I dont know if I am doing something to her to get her that angry ,I am really confused

Dr. Z :

No, you are not doing anything wrong at all. BPD has strong genetic components, so she would act this way if you were there or not

Dr. Z :

I also want to recommend these books as well for BPD and BPD treatment

Customer:

the thing i used to do and stopped, that I was treating her with divorce mant times,but actually i was thinking to get divorcce due to hear behaviuor

Customer:

ok I would check these books, but what should i do

Dr. Z :

I think you have to convince her to seek therapy, possibly couples therapy if that is an option.

Dr. Z :

No matter what you do, she will always act this way and possibly blame you

Customer:

the thing is she doesnt listen at all, and after each fight , and when i feel relaxed and talk to her calmly she would cry and ask me not to leave and she only want me to be teder and lovig to her all the time

Customer:

I tried this , but it didnt work all the time , sometimes she get more angry or start being bossy

Dr. Z :

Yeah it wont work all the time. The mood shifts are too rapid and wide that you cannot help her without treatment.

Customer:

so you believe she has BPD

Dr. Z :

It sounds very close to BPD, yes I think BPD is a strong possibility

Customer:

is it possible that I have BPD

Dr. Z :

Also this website is very good to for treatment for BPD.

Dr. Z :

Do you have mood swings, anger out bursts, self-destructive behavior?

Customer:

mood swings yes , anger yes but it is not anger it is more like I snap and that is it

Customer:

but the time to recover from my anger depends on how long I been angry

Customer:

but I think everyone has mood swings

Customer:

especially these days, wth life stress and issues

Customer:

self destructive behavior ! i dunno if smoking can be considered as one

Customer:

I am a smoker

Dr. Z :

Mood swings can occur from life stressors, but if the mood swings are incomparable to the stressors, then yes that is a disorder.

Dr. Z :

No smoking is not self-destructive

Customer:

no then I dont have mood swings

Dr. Z :

Yeah I think she has mood swings associated with BPD.

Customer:

actually one of my good deeds that I can handle stress and problems, I am patient

Customer:

she used to tell me she doesnt belong to this world

Customer:

and she feels different thatn thers

Customer:

but with me she feels safe

Dr. Z :

Yeah individuals with BPD are not patient at all, so I do not think you have BPD.

Customer:

but i didnt pay attention to this , bcos all women would say that to their men

Customer:

most of the women I been with told me the same

Customer:

but i read in the BPD sites that they dont feel the ground and feel lost

Dr. Z :

Individuals with BPD do feel very lost emotionally and feel that they have no control of their emotions and they no one understands them

Customer:

Ok how can I convince her to seek professional help

Dr. Z :

Well i think the best way is to suggest couples counseling for both of you. You do not want to blame her for this, but use the pronouns "we" and "us" a lot to show that you are there to support each other and that you two are a team. Say you want to work on strengthening the relationship for it to move forward and be more healthy. She will be more open to this

Customer:

ok ,in the meantime how can I deal with her ?

Dr. Z :

That will be hard. You will have to help her think more objectively. I can show you some techniques that may help her in the meantime.

Dr. Z :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Dr. Z :

In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen anxiety and depressive symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.

Dr. Z :

Also individuals with severe depression and anxiety have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.

Dr. Z :

These worksheets can help her not to focus on the negative thoughts that are causing her symptoms so much

Customer:

ok great.

Dr. Z :

Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Customer:

yes couple f things about her past

Dr. Z :

Go for it

Customer:

she told me she used to stutter when she was younger and then she develped this technique to help her to overcome this problem,now wheneever she get angry she starts stuttering again

Customer:

and I dont know if she use this as defence mechanism or she is really facing this problem

Customer:

plus her parents loves her so much more than her other sister, and It seems they are willing to do wat she wants ,is this possible reason why she acts like this with me

Dr. Z :

Some individuals when they are in an emotional state will regress to earlier behaviors, so it is not uncommon for stuttering to happen like this when she gets angry

Customer:

is it possible the culture differenc we have is affecting her?

Dr. Z :

Possibly the stress of the cultural differences could have triggered this, but she was susceptible to BPD, so any stress could have triggered it too

Customer:

ok Dr. Z, thanks for your help

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. I hope your wife feels better soon and responds well to the treatment. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

yes I will , Thanks again and have a good day or night,i dont know in which country you are :)

Dr. Z :

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX for me, I am in the United States, but I am happy to help. I hope everything works out well for you and your wife :)

Customer:

Good night and thanks again

Dr. Z :

You are most welcome

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5199
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 12 months ago.
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