Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I would like to ask a few questions to get some more information, so that I can better help you
When you have the dreams, are you interacting with the other male counterpart at all?
No just us taking care of her
And you mentioned that you tried to pursue this and set this up, how did you try to do this exactly?
I went on craigslist in vegas and saw a ad for a massage for wife and talked to this guy I was supposed to help and we were going to rub her and try to excite her
And have you ever sought counseling for these thoughts or desires before?
No I have not Should I?
I thought this is really wrong to have these thoughts
any thoughts or advice
You may have what is called an Unspecified Paraphilic Disorder, but I think that is a stretch. Threesomes are not uncommon these days, neither is a desire for one. I think it became a disorder at one point because it is hurting your relationship with your wife.
Still this disorder would be a stretch, but I think you do have these intrusive thoughts of a threesome that are impacting you greatly and whether it is a disorder or not, I think it is hurting your relationship with your wife.
I would recommend seeing a sexual therapist or possibly a relationship therapist in your area that can help you both. I think couples counseling can help this because these thoughts started recently, over a year ago, and there may be an underlying cause for them that is not sexual.
she forgave me I know she really loves me so I don't want to hurt her, she loves me and I know that will these thoughts go away
They can go away, but I think that knowing the reason for them occurring all of a sudden will help put things in perspective for you more