I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your wife has been exhibiting symptoms of Bipolar Disorder and has not undergone treatment, I can imagine how distressing this must be for her and yourself.
It is a good thing that she is seeking counseling, so she may come back to you in the near future with the help from the counselor, but she would still need medications for her Bipolar Disorder
Have you asked her if you could sit in on a session with her counselor?
Well actually I am not allowed to give out my private number on this website, it is one of the administrator rules unfortunately
Why do you think there may be a relationship with this male colleague?
Oh wow, I am so sorry that she said that to you
But she has been seeing a counselor for 8 weeks, if she is still having self-harming thoughts that are serious, then a counselor must admit her to a hospital for fear that she may hurt herself. SInce that has not happened, either she has not told her counselor about those self-harming thoughts or she does not have them anymore.
Self-harming thoughts can be related to depression, depressive episodes of Bipolar Disorder, or possibly Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Did you look at the symptoms of BPD in relation to your wife's behavior?
Well Bipolar Disorder and BPD are different disorder, but have similar symptoms. If her mood shifts are very rapid, and mostly involve negative emotions (e.g. anger, depression, anxiety), and she is threatening self-harm. I would lean towards BPD for her diagnosis which is very tough to treat. Here is a good link on BPD for you
You cannot contact her counselor because the counselor would be unable to tell you anything due to medical privacy laws. I think you should continue emailing her and show her support and that you are here for her whenever she needs you. But you should not push her too much as that can push her away.
I know that this is a difficult situation for you, but you have to be patient and let her come back to you.
She might, but if she thinks you just moved on, then this may confirm her negative feelings for you and then she will resent you more. It sounds like you want to try to get your wife back, and I think this is the best strategy for you. I would suggest to her if you can sit in on a counseling session with her or you can go to your own therapist and ask her to join
I also want to recommend this book to help you better interact with someone who may have a mental illness, but not fully realize it.
This may help you with your wife
Anytime, I wish you and your wife the best of luck and I hope she comes back to you soon. You seem like a very caring spouse. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.