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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My partner of six year and wife of two years suddenly left

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My partner of six year and wife of two years suddenly left our home without and warning or explanation. He has moved in with a male colleague from work and refuses all contact with me.

I was able to get her to agree to see a counsellor and she has been for 8 weeks now.

She is also having thoughts of self harm. I never saw her behave like this in our relationship and she seems to be a completely different and distant person.

I have read everything I can about bipolar and she fits the criteria perfectly throughout our six years but it was never this severe. She has had a very stressful year with work and became a bit obsessed with it.

What can/could I do? Will she realise it and want to come back?

Dr. Z :


Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that your wife has been exhibiting symptoms of Bipolar Disorder and has not undergone treatment, I can imagine how distressing this must be for her and yourself.

Customer: Please do
Customer: Extremely, I am
Customer: lost
Dr. Z :

It is a good thing that she is seeking counseling, so she may come back to you in the near future with the help from the counselor, but she would still need medications for her Bipolar Disorder

Dr. Z :

Have you asked her if you could sit in on a session with her counselor?

Customer: Do you have a number I could ring you on to talk, would be easier than messaging.
Customer: She refuses
Customer: to talk to me full stop. I can certainly send an email. However there may be a relationship with her and this male colleague.
Dr. Z :

Well actually I am not allowed to give out my private number on this website, it is one of the administrator rules unfortunately

Customer: No problem, any advixe
Customer: on what I can do would be great.
Dr. Z :

Why do you think there may be a relationship with this male colleague?

Customer: She said there is and that she may love him an blames me for everything, even things that didn't happen.
Dr. Z :

Oh wow, I am so sorry that she said that to you

Customer: She is very disant and even her eyes seemed empty when I did see her.
Customer: Also the self harm, what do you think may be happening?
Dr. Z :

But she has been seeing a counselor for 8 weeks, if she is still having self-harming thoughts that are serious, then a counselor must admit her to a hospital for fear that she may hurt herself. SInce that has not happened, either she has not told her counselor about those self-harming thoughts or she does not have them anymore.

Dr. Z :

Self-harming thoughts can be related to depression, depressive episodes of Bipolar Disorder, or possibly Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Dr. Z :

Did you look at the symptoms of BPD in relation to your wife's behavior?

Customer: Yes and she matches it very well, her mood always went from one extreme to another. She really ticks a lot of the boxes and I'm wondering if this is a manic episode and what will happen next. She received a letter to our home this week from her doctor stating that she maybe interested in a self harm intervention programme.
Dr. Z :

Well Bipolar Disorder and BPD are different disorder, but have similar symptoms. If her mood shifts are very rapid, and mostly involve negative emotions (e.g. anger, depression, anxiety), and she is threatening self-harm. I would lean towards BPD for her diagnosis which is very tough to treat. Here is a good link on BPD for you

Customer: Is there anything I can do to help our marriage get back on track? Is it inappropriate for me to try contact her counsellor?
Dr. Z :

You cannot contact her counselor because the counselor would be unable to tell you anything due to medical privacy laws. I think you should continue emailing her and show her support and that you are here for her whenever she needs you. But you should not push her too much as that can push her away.

Dr. Z :

I know that this is a difficult situation for you, but you have to be patient and let her come back to you.

Customer: But if I let her know I am here for her will she not think she can continue this new relationship and know I am there waiting?
Dr. Z :

She might, but if she thinks you just moved on, then this may confirm her negative feelings for you and then she will resent you more. It sounds like you want to try to get your wife back, and I think this is the best strategy for you. I would suggest to her if you can sit in on a counseling session with her or you can go to your own therapist and ask her to join

Customer: I will
Customer: give it a try and see what happens. Thanks for the help.
Dr. Z :

I also want to recommend this book to help you better interact with someone who may have a mental illness, but not fully realize it.

Dr. Z :

This may help you with your wife

Customer: Thank you
Dr. Z :

Anytime, I wish you and your wife the best of luck and I hope she comes back to you soon. You seem like a very caring spouse. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

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