First, let me say I can imagine how difficult and confusing this situation must be for you. Trust is something so basic and important in having meaningful relationships. From what you wrote, this whole episode began because of your distrust, or lack of trust, of him. You then felt awful you took this step. I assume this is because you feel that he did not deserve to have you distrust him, as well as that you felt this was not a good and healthy thing to do.
You feel badly about having done it and you're not sure what made you do it. But you need to know, and he also needs to know, that feeling like you're putting in effort into a relationship, putting your heart into loving and caring for someone, is very emotionally fragile for a long time at first. And when it feels as though your love may be betrayed, the hurt and worry can cause a lot of anxiety and internal stress. People do a lot of things to relieve that intense worry. And so what you did is not uncommon.
The idea here is for hte two of you to focus on rebuilding the loving trust and not to focus on why you might have panicked. That was not so uncommon, but the important thing to do is to strengthen your love for each other. So let me speak about how trust really works:
If trust is going to be based on knowledge, on certainty, then there is no way for you to ever have it. And probably trust would hardly ever be humanly possible. Why?
You have to understand how trust works. Trust is not a GUARANTEE about the future or about what is in a person's heart. Trust is a mutual agreement among people. You can't ever be certain about what anyone will do in the future or what is in their heart now. So how do you trust in someone or anyone? You have to BESTOW trust in them.
Trust, then, is something that you decide to grant. You must take the time to clarify for yourself how you want to approach your relationship. How do you want to bestow trust?
The best way is to look at the strength of the relationship itself. If the attention and the focus is strong between the two of you, the caring is strong, then there is a basis for bestowing trust. So work on building the positive feelings between you two:
enjoying each other, the time together, the interests shared; caring for each other, anticipating each other's needs. These are the things that make it easy to trust. And if the two of you strengthen these positives then it will feel natural to trust.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX