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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5096
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I try the St John worth.. have a few questions and still feel

Resolved Question:

I try the St John worth.. have a few questions and still feel anxious.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 11 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

How are you Gilbert? What are your questions?

Customer:

Good morning.. you sure know who I m by now.
I try the tea, I don't know if is as effective as I will like, or need to add something else.

Been stressing about not seing her, but we txt, and she called me "hun" in one of them, also im watching the dogs tonight for her.
Just don't know what to do or think. She is at the point that I see she is trying by sending pictures of things she is doing

Dr. Z :

Well that is good that she is making an effort, and calling you "hun" these are good signs.

Customer:

I asked yesterday "stop by later" and she told me im still at the docs and don't know how late and have a hedache.
So we dint see each other..wich I get but..just hard you know

Dr. Z :

The anxiety will continue to happen for awhile, remember you are just starting this new behavior pattern of trusting her more and not trying to check up on her all the time, so it will be anxiety provoking in the beginning. Also you are not seeing her as regularly as you would like, and that causes anxiety too.

Customer:

shes working a over night shift tonight.. and she hasn't answer me since last night.. I think I might be exaggerating here , but, just feel anxious and my stomach is killing me

Dr. Z :

I know it will be hard, but remember you cant push too much and let your anxiety/jealousy take over or that will just push her away from you and I do not want that for you

Dr. Z :

The anxiety in the beginning will cause this, but it will go away when you start to get distracted by other things and focus on other alternative/objective thoughts for her behavior. Right now the anxiety is caused by you focusing on negative thoughts. You are afraid that she is going to hurt you like your last relationship, but remember she is different.

Customer:

not her self reply to a good night , or a good morning. she hasent txt a good mornig, but it could be that she is sleeping.

Dr. Z :

It could be that she is sleeping, that is very possible.

Dr. Z :

And just because she does not text you everytime, does not mean that she does not feel greatly for you.

Customer:

Dr Z how can I avoid a passive agresive behavior? towards this relationship?

Customer:

what can I do? seems I say things the wrong way and things get bad

Dr. Z :

Well try to focus on the techniques I gave you, they take time to work, but they are very effective. You have to try to focus on the objective and alternative thoughts to give reasoning for her behavior. If you only focus on the negative thoughts that you have, then you will appear passive aggressive.

Dr. Z :

There is no quick fix to this. The only quick fix to anxiety would be to take a medication called a benzodiazepine (e.g. Ativan, Xanax, and Klonopin), but even then those negative thoughts will still be present, but you will not feel that anxiety as much.

Dr. Z :

Remember what we talked about, you have to be patient with this process. I know that is difficult for you, but patience and let her come to you is the key. Remember she is testing you to see that your actions are aligned with your words

Customer:

I was on Xanax before

Dr. Z :

Okay, well then you know how Xanax works for anxiety. I still think that the CBT techniques are the most effective, but it takes time to be effective for you, like all therapies.

Dr. Z :

So far she is making efforts to reassure you, these are great signs for you!!

Customer:

ok.
Look I don't have any used of drugs, have a good job, don't do crap that young people do, but when it comes to relationships that is the problem.

Dr. Z :

I understand, I never suggested that you used drugs at all, I was just saying that there are some quick fixes for the anxiety to help you temporarily until the CBT techniques really start to be more effective for you.

Customer:

shes flying, so when she comes back , will receiving her with flowers too pushi? anniversary is around the conner..

Dr. Z :

I have many patients that use a benzodiazepine in the beginning of CBT therapy, and then after a few months, they slowly wean off the benzodiazepine because the CBT techniques are becoming more effective for them. This helped them with their anxiety in the interim.

Dr. Z :

Did she ask you to pick her up at the airport?

Customer:

we haven't talked about that, usually I asked if she wants me to drop her off.

Customer:

is that something I want to approach? because at this point I feel Damd if I do and Damd if I dont

Dr. Z :

I think flowers for the airport may be a bit too pushy right now because of where your relationship is, but you know her better than I do. I think a text or phone call wishing her a safe flight is okay. But for the anniversary, I think a card and flowers are acceptable.

Customer:

Great.. one thing I forgot to tell you, you might already know but im very vunerable and sweet.. as well of passive aggressive I guess

Customer:

My negative thought right now, and what im afraid is that im entering into the "friend zone"

Dr. Z :

I understand, I think you are passive aggressive because you are afraid to directly confront someone if you feel they did you wrong or because you are unsure if they did anything wrong or if it was because of your anxiety interpreting it as such. I think this worksheet will help you become more assertive with any frustration/anger you may have instead of being passive aggressive.

Dr. Z :

I know that you are afraid of this, but she would not call you "hun" or try to reassure you like she has been doing if you are going into the friend zone. So I do not think you are in the friend zone or approaching that at this time.

Dr. Z :

I still think you are a couple right, but on a break because she wants some space because of the jealousy and mistrust you have of her at times, which causes her to be defensive and moody.

Customer:

ok .. I let you go.. seems that im a regular client and you like to follow up, when I open the question, is there something you want me to type to you know is me??
I don't want my name, since I found out you can see other peoples chats.

Dr. Z :

Oh I am sorry I did not mean to use your real name like that, I was unaware that you did not want your name to be seen. I can actually close this chat after you rate me so that no one sees it if you like. So far all of your questions have gone straight to me, so that is good.

Dr. Z :

You can use a pseudonym in the future if you like, so basically a fake name if you want to use with me, that works for me.

Dr. Z :

And its okay if you are a regular client, I am always happy to help you

Customer:

I mention Anxious and Peru, hows that?

Dr. Z :

That works perfect me. Just put "For DoctorZ only" before you type your question and then say its from "Anxious and Peru."

Customer:

Will do, and I Always click on you.

thanks Man,
Blessings

Customer:

and thanks for the sheets

Dr. Z :

I wish you the best of luck with everything, and remember to continue thinking objectively and do not let the negative thoughts take control :)

Customer:

bye

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5096
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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