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Hi. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I believe I can help with your situation. Please give me a few moments to look over your question before I respond.
Your wife seems to fit the category of disorders known as Female Sexual Arousal/Sexual Disorder (302.72 is the DSM diagnostic code).
Elliott, sorry to say you are not the expert I saw when I asked the question. I would like to get an answer from a woman's point of view. Sorry. Is there a way to terminate this without charge?
Sure there is, if you wish. I am giving you a professional point of view rather than an opinion but if you do not wish to continue with me then I shall be happy to opt out in favor of a woman therapist.
Thanks for your response. I guess we both know that therapy is the best solution. Our problem is where we live...there are no qualified sex therapists anywhere near our area. I know that most therapists could handle the issues involved, but we are really looking to focus on the sexual areas involved and would like someone that is more in tune with that. So, I guess I was looking for more information about specific psychological techniques that may help her develop new or modify her existing beliefs. We have had multiple, in depth conversations about this issue. I have enough college background in counseling to know that the maps of belief drawn around these issues when she was growing up are the real culprit. She is open about identifying the causes as well. Identifying them and talking in depth about them hasn't been enough to change them though. It's like she knows the cause and the solution or goal in her mind but can't make it change in her heart. She wants to move beyond identifying to actually changing. If therapy is the only answer, I guess we will have to figure out a way.
My other follow-up is this: is there really true hope in turning this around? It has been a constant battle for the last 17+ years and there are times it seems completely hopeless. What results could she expect to get from therapy? Could these same sorts of issues also play into her difficulty letting go and having fun around me (though she seems to be able to let go and have more fun around her friends)? What she and I want is for our sexual relationship to be normal and satisfying. She is open, but apparently, these are very deep seeded issues.
BTW, we have stopped using porn for arousal. It is difficult, because that is the only thing that has ever had any results for us. Imagine sex with no touching and awkward kissing! It's now almost impossible for me to be aroused and interested. I'm hanging in there though, hoping for an answer.
Thanks again for your response.
Thank you again. You have been very helpful. One last question. Any thoughts on how to go about choosing an online sex therapist that would be equipped to handle the deeper psychological issues at hand? It sounds like that may be a good way to connect with a quality counselor. We have looked into online therapy but it is hard to sort out the good from the bad. What should we be looking for in terms of credentials, etc?