Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
Thanks for being open about how you feel.
I think it sounds like there are some unresolved issues around anger...maybe anger for the distant relationships within your family.
This can make it tough to feel safe enough to connect with someone and scary to do so.
That could be why the repulsion comes on so strong.
Even if you dont recall anything bad happening that doesn't mean you cant have feelings of sadness for wanting more or having closer relationships.
i did have a lot of anger for a long time, as a child and in early adulthood, later on in life as i have matured become more aware of myself that has gone
It might be helpful to have some counseling to let yourself feel what you feel about your childhood, having a distant father and how that may be affecting you now while trying to connect to others.
I am glad you can see that and it is okay that you have it. It just lets us know that you have some feelings bottled up and need a safe place to let them out and see how they are affecting you now.
You are desiring a connection with someone and that lends itself to being needy because you want it so much.
yet when they want more you can get repulsed by it.
its a matter of really understanding the feelings of loneliness in childhood and working through them so that they do not affect you as it does now and impacts all of your relationships.
so you think the two things are linked? and could reflect a lonely childhood?
I see you coming in and out of the chat. I hope you are not having any technical issues.
no! no technical problems
I think if you are having these feelings about your childhood and you have felt this anger and repulsion it could mean that you have some unresolved feelings about it all
ok good. I am here with you I just see you stepping in and out of chat, but I am here.
what could be a way today to start resolving those, ive realised about my neediness with men and where that comes from, but when i think about the repultion i hit a wall
I wonder if on some level you dont feel deserving of it all and when someone shows interest there is repulsion.
hard to take in new affection if we havent had much
and it can feel scary to receive it so the repulsion comes up as a way to avoid it all
ive never thought of it like that, but i do feel annoyed at them for liking me, when i dont like them, it makes me angry
yes so I think we may be onto something here
if that is the case, how can i change my thought process
I think the feelings around this stuff needs to be looked at deeply...hard to just change the thought process without understanding the why of it all and how the loneliness has really affected you.
Would counseling be an option for you?
in the short term you can practice by saying to yourself when these feelings of repulsion come up....I know what this is...I am going to sit with it and learn more about this person. I just may be surprised
it could be the ones you are repulsed by are the ones that trigger these feelings of fear because they could be someone with whom you could connect if you let yourself
yes it could be, ive never thought of it before, talking about myself doesnt come easily!
I know it can be hard. But you deserve to understand this and connect to someone else.
I think you want to but I think it feels very scary for you...fear of losing yourself
fear of being enveloped by someone else
loss of autonomy
but all of those things can be managed in a healthy relationship
yes i know i do do, thats why im really working on why im single and this question has come up, and ben difficult for me to answer
You are doing a great job here so face to face with someone could really be helpful for you.
do you have any advice on how i could find a counseleller?
where in the UK are you located?
chichester, west sussex
please give me a moment while I look for someone in that area.
Here is a listing of therapists in your area http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/town-chichester.html
I would go through their profiles and make a call or two. It is all about how you connect with them
I know it can feel scary but through this connection a lot of healing can occur.
thankyou, i will contact them, i actually feel just from this conversation a weight has lifted
I am so thrilled to hear that. What that also lets me know is how open you are to looking at this and that you will do well working with someone face to face.
come to me anytime and please take a moment to offer a rating of my support. I am here when you need.
it is my pleasure. You are worth it. You sound like a lovely woman.
i think i need to start believing that! many thanks
I am here to remind you. :-)
thabkyou and bye for now
bye for now. Thank you in advance for taking the time to rate my work.