Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that you are having these issues with your girlfriend, I can imagine how this distresses you
I do not think that you are the one causing this type of behavior from her, so I would not worry about that
When she cries, what exactly does she say to explain her behavior or do you not get that far when you bring it up?
Well the last time this happened which was on Saturday we were preparing to go to my familys house for a party
Evevtually she said that she is unhappy that she is hurting me and dosent realize she is doing it
And said that she is too blunt when she speaks
And that if she was less blunt that things would be better
Has she always been blunt like this, or is this a more recent behavior for her?
She has always been that way, I think I just overlooked it for a very long time. Really just a few months ago I just had trouble coping with it anymore and I started being very defensize
Usually she gets reviews at work that say that she needs to relate better to people, she works in helping people resolve issues with her company
Okay, may I ask does she have any issues with looking at people in the eye when talking with them and would you describe her as "clumsy" at all?
She dosent really have an issue with looking people in the eye and is rarely clumsy, I think she puts forth a very large amount of effort to avoid being clumsy or acting inappropriately
When she engages in conversations, are they usually one-sided where she does most of the talking?
Usually she will talk a lot more than I will talk
We also have issues where if it dosent go her way she has trouble accepting an alternative solution to a problem even if they both would solve the problem
Well she may have a disorder called Asperger's Disorder, where individuals have difficulty reading and empathizing with people, and can be blunt with what they tell people, so it comes off as mean. Here is a good link explaining it in more detail for you
Sometimes individuals with this disorder also see their way as the best and have difficulty seeing other solutions. Usually individuals with this disorder are intelligent, but have a hard time relating to other people.
That is an interesting diagnosis and I will keep it in mind. I dated someone with Asperger's in the past may years ago. This dosent remind me of the same but I am sure it can manifest in different ways
It may be a mild version, because you do say that she puts forth a great effort to not act inappropriately or clumsy, so she may be conscious of what she is doing and trying to put forth more mental energy than average to help not exhibit these symptoms.
Does that in any way realate to her harsh critism of people when they make mistakes? I see that as more of the problem myself is that whenever something comes up that is a mistake it gets immediate and harsh critism
I hope im not talking more of your time up than I shopuld be btw
The other possibility is that she may have a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but I do not see maliciousness in her behavior to suggest this
No you are not taking more of my time at all.
I just type slow
Ok I dont think she is trying to be malicious either in what she does
I just dont think, she realizes that she is hurting people
And this is why I think it is Asperger's Disorder, most likely a mild version though.
Yeah and individuals with Asperger's Disorder do not think they are hurting others.
alright, well thank you very much for your time and I think you adequately answers my question :-)
Anytime, I am always happy to help. Is there anything else I can do to assist you?
Any tips on how to deal with this?|
Well for her, she would need to see a therapist to help individualize appropriate behavioral management techniques specifically for her
You can try couples therapy too, so that you can be a support for her
ok thanks for your help