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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10564
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I was going to move in with my boyfriend of 2 plus years until

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I was going to move in with my boyfriend of 2 plus years until my 13 yr old son told me he doesn't want to and said if we did he would go live with his dad. So I told him we were not moving. He decided he still wants to live with his dad after he finishes this school year. Once he moves in with is dad, my child support will stop. My question is, would it be selfish of me or harmful to my relationship with my son if we move in with my boyfriend so that I can be financially able to support myself once my child support stops?

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

May I ask why did your son not want to move in with your boyfriend initially?

Customer:

We had lived with him before and we moved out because things were stressful

Customer:

My boyfriend is older and has a old fashioned mentality when it comes to turning off lights and what not

Dr. Z :

Oh, so your son just felt like he would not be happy if he lived with you and your boyfriend for an extended amount of time because of his behavior

Customer:

yes

Dr. Z :

Would your son still visit you and stay over often?

Customer:

he said he would even if I moved

Customer:

he does not hate my boyfriend, just doesn't like him enough to live there again

Customer:

I am struggling to figure out how to pay off my credit card bills before summer when he moves, moving in with my boyfriend (who wants me there) would help immensely with that

Dr. Z :

I understand that, I do not think this will be harmful to your relationship with your son, just the act of moving. Now when you do live with him, and your son visits you should try to make it feel like a warm an friendly environment for your son, so that he feels like family and not a guest. This will help him adapt better

Dr. Z :

Yeah and your son may not understand finances as well at his age. So I think your relationship with your son will not be impacted greatly from this move.

Customer:

of course. my boyfriend really likes my son

Customer:

so it is not being selfish to be looking out for myself for when he leaves

Dr. Z :

Yeah I think this just your boyfriend and your son's personalities clash is all, but this can easily be managed for short duration visits

Dr. Z :

Since there is not resentment towards the other, I see no reason why this should be a problem with you and your son

Customer:

my ex will not have much say since he will be getting my son in the summer, right?

Dr. Z :

No, he should not get much say about this. If your boyfriend is a stand-up guy which no major issues (e.g. alcohol, abuse, etc...) then your ex should have no problem with it either

Customer:

well he did when my son mentioned it to him. he threatened custody, but my son decided he wanted to live with his dad for High School after that no matter what

Dr. Z :

Well he can threaten custody, but if he cannot prove that the environment is harmful for the child, which it is not, then there is nothing he can legally do about it

Customer:

I was just concerned that I was being selfish

Customer:

Thank you very much for your advice

Dr. Z :

I do not think you are being selfish at all, you are trying to be considerate about your son's feelings and you even talked to him about it before hand, that shows you are a good parent

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Customer:

thank you, I needed to hear that

Customer:

no, just want to make sure I am doing the right thing

Dr. Z :

You are definitely doing the right thing, no worries there.

Customer:

Thank you again

Dr. Z :

I am just happy to help. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

I will. good night Dr. Z

Dr. Z :

Good night :)

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