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My mother last my father 30 years ago. She is now 76. She was kind & loving but since his death she has continued to Mourn, seeking 'attention' and has become very selfish, nasty, rude & twisted in her thinking. She refuses to see it or acknowledge it. First why has she become like this & secondly how do you convince someone they need to seek help? I am now estranged from her & she is getting worse. I have been through every book & looked up every condition. She also lies constantly & ends up believing them. Also,self absorbed & just doesn't care.
My mother has always had a bit of a 'split personality' but not enough that anyone outside the family would notice. Her lying has gotten out of control. I'm extremely confused by this as she was a loving, honest, caring mother & after my father died she started down the road of strange behaviour, saying nasty things, causing arguments, causing problems within the family, writing nasty letters (unwarranted) etc. Her behaviour is almost perfect in front of strangers & friends but behind closed doors she is a bit of a monster. I am fast losing love & respect, especially with the lies & if you confront her, all hell breaks loose. It's very strange indeed. I just wish I knew why she has become this way.
I need some peace of mind and the only way I can find that is to understand why. Thank you
Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry to hear about your mother and her behavior, I can imagine how this distresses you
It sounds like that after your father passed away, your mother may have developed a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Here is a good link that can explain this disorder in more detail for you
You know I thought as much as my sister came to the same conclusion.
Individuals can get this disorder for a variety of reasons, but it appears that her self-confidence and self-identity may have been hit hard by your father's death and she is developing this personality as a way to overcompensate, which is not uncommon
Her behavior definitely appears to match this disorder, so I think your sister is correct
If she won't acknowledge it or seek help I suppose there is very little one can do, right?
Yes, individuals with this disorder do not respond well to therapy because they feel that there is nothing wrong with them and instead feel that everyone else is wrong.
Here are some good books that can help you interact better with her though
Exactly like that and it hurts me as she is not the person she use to be. She tries to control every aspect of our lives and it's a case of my way or the highway attitude.
Thank you for your help
Yeah individuals with NPD will try to control in overt and subvert ways
Anytime, is there anything else I can do for you?
I truly appreciate it as our relationship is on rapid decline and there is nothing I can do, but thanks again and I'll check out the books for sure.
I am sorry, I truly hope your mother will see that she needs help soon. The best type of therapy for NPD is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) if she does choose to seek help. I wish you the best of luck with everything. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
Thank you VERY much. This information has helped greatly. Take care.
You are most welcome :)