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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Can u explain why my husband (5years) has and always seems

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Can u explain why my husband (5years) has and always seems so interested in famous gorgeous women? I know obvious reasons, but he has on occasion, lost his train of thought because halle berry came on tv in a commercial. He said to his friend that he was talking to..."sorry...Halle's my girl..."then of course "sorry hon" to me. I dont want to be ridiculous but, I guess it makes me feel unattractive, and I guess not good enough. Do you think I'm being silly or do u think there is some words I could use to let him know it bothers me?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your questions.

You are not being silly at all with how you feel. Whenever a spouse is attracted to anyone, whether they are nearby or unreachable like a famous person, it can make you feel unloved and unattractive. It is your husband's response to the person that hurts the most because you want to be the most attractive person in his life. And his attention should be with you first not anyone else. Showing his attraction to someone else can make you feel left out and even abandoned in your own marriage.

Anytime a spouse expresses attraction to someone else, it is a form of cheating. Your husband is basically saying this person is someone he finds attractive instead of you, which is a form of lust. In marriage, those feelings should always stay between the couple. Someone may feel attracted to another person, but saying it and acting it out as your husband does is uncalled for.

You can tell your husband that you do not appreciate his reaction to other women he sees. Ask him if he would feel ok if you did the same thing when you saw a famous man you felt was attractive. Also, express to him that his reaction makes you feel he does not want to be with you. If he down plays your reaction or doesn't listen, you may want to consider counseling with him. There is some reason he feels the need to hurt you like this and you need to find out why. If he will not go to counseling with you, go without him. You need the support and the opportunity to find out how you want to proceed, particularly if your husband is not willing to address this issue.

I hope this has helped you,

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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