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Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am sorry that you had these issues with your ex-boyfriend, I can imagine how distressing that must have been for you.
There are a number of possibilities for his behavior, so I would like to ask a few questions to get some information and then I can provide you with the best possible answer
Did he have an issue maintaining eye contact with you or possibly exhibited odd body postures or gestures?
Did he have an intense obsession with specific narrow subjects at all?
Did he have any self-esteem issues that you could tell?
Also was he considerably bright and intelligent?
Well it is possible that he may have had extreme anxiety or has difficult gauging social situation and social rules to understand that you are not supposed to cut out like he did, that is what I want to make sure
So by extrovert he had a lot of friends you would say?
Okay, did he seem to want constant praise from others or believe that he was better than others?
Okay well I believe that he may have traits or even the full disorder of something called Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD). Here is a good link explaining it in further detail for you
The reason he cut you out of his life so fast was because he does not take rejection well and this is his way of responding. Also individual with NPD have a hard time expressing empathy and understanding for others
Yeah I think this behavior is typical of NPD
Well it could have been genuine or a manipulation as well. In addition, he was probably hurt, but blamed you for everything and refused to take responsibilities for his own actions.
He does these things because he believed your actions were very personal and purposeful, but that was not the case.
Individuals with NPD do have an issue expressing their feelings
Individuals with NPD actually have difficulty maintaining relationships most of the time.
Sometimes they would, because depression and low self-esteem is associated with this and on occasion individuals with NPD will make threats about suicide to garner attention
He may have felt embarrassed about being in the hospital and that is why he did not want to have individuals help him. Like I said individuals with NPD will threats of suicide to garner attention, but rarely follow through and usually do not want to go into the hospital
He also may have had another mental health disorder that was not prevalent while with you, but because prevalent after being in a relationship with you
It is possible that he is on medication that can cause irritability as a side effect, most likely an antidepressant. I do not know if he was scared of you necessarily though, most likely he was just irritated possibly because of his treatment
Also like I said individuals with NPD do hold grudges for a very long time, so he may be doing that to you as well.
Individuals with NPD are very active and social. How was his sleep pattern?
Also here are a few good books on NPD that may prove insightful for you too
The contradicting that he did could have been the result of lies or possibly his manipulation that he is prone to do with NPD
It does sound like Bipolar Disorder on its face, and could be Bipolar II Disorder, but that would not account for the lack of empathy or understanding your reactions and feelings.
Lack of long term goals and impulsivity can be associated with NPD
Also with Bipolar Disorder he would have to go through cycles of Hypomania and Depression, but it seems like his behavior has been more constant with you
But when you were in a relationship with him, did he appear to go through cycles of Hypomania and Depression?
Well here is a good link explaining Bipolar II to you as well
It is possible that one of those two disorders are present or both of them are present simultaneously
Usually individuals with Bipolar II in a hypomanic state are very active, full of energy, do not sleep very well, talk really fast, and usually have high self-esteem
Yeah some individuals do cycle rapidly and others do not cycle very rapidly. Still I think his symptoms better fit NPD at this point, but Bipolar II disorder is possible
Well for Bipolar Disorder, mood stabilizer medications are required to help manage his behavior, but for NPD he would need intensive Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
Individuals with NPD though do not have a high success rate in treatment unfortunately because they do not feel that anything is wrong with them and feel that everyone else is wrong.
It could be, as most therapy would applaud saying what you thing, but in an appropriate way that fosters communication
Therapy does definitely try to teach empathy
It takes a lot of therapy and time to try to manage this behavior, but not all individuals are successful in it
Well reckless behavior is associated with NPD and hypomania and it can be interpreted as malicious
Yeah that is reckless and impulsive. It is more associated with Bipolar Disorder then NPD though
Well his comments are definitely impulsive and he just says what is on his mind, this is an issue he has with NPD
Yeah it can be if he was going to therapy to help treat this
The realization is something many individuals new to therapy realize after the fact
Yep even with NPD
Well it is possible individuals saw his behavior early when getting to know him and that is why he did not develop a reputation
Individuals with NPD do have low self-esteem typically and that account for why he chooses not to get into a relationship because he does not want them to see the real him
That is nice of his colleagues
Well NPD is not an obvious disorder to see for individuals
No not at all. While narcissism is a component of psychopathy, being NPD does not make you a psychopath at all
Well that was the other issue I was leaning to earlier in the conversation, that he may have Asperger's Disorder, an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but he would not have many friends, and would make poor eye contact in most cases. Here is a link to explain in more detail for you
We are not sure why NPD occurs for some individuals, but we do know there is a strong genetic component to it and may have some environmental triggers as well
Even then he should not have a lot of aquaintances with Asperger's Disorder and would also not be very good at sports either because of their poor coordination
Well even individuals with Asperger's, NPD, and Bipolar II can show some empathy for certain individuals, usually family
It definitely can be
And when someone gets closer to them, the more anxious they get
Only the people that are close to them do them push away
Well you have made your case and initiated conversations with him, so right now you have to wait, be patient and let him come to you
Remember he will hold grudges, so you if he does not contact you then that is his decision. If you push him to contact you, that will just push him away farther from you
Also like I said his treatment prognosis is not positive so he may never get better either
Also those books are beneficial as well and may be able to help you better interact with him
They can be, that is definitely true. This is why I think you should not let him back in your life or it can bring you turmoil
That is very possible
That is possible, but I think its best for you until he gets the treatment that he needs, that is the only way he would be a good friend to you
I am sorry that he made you cry, but he could have blamed you for this and over-reacted to this as well, which could account for his grudges
Still his reaction was not appropriate and a strong sign of NPD actually
See he did not blame it on himself though, even though it was his mistake
That is what someone with NPD does frequently, it helps them not admit their mistakes by backtracking like that
That is a strong possibility, I think it is good for you that he is not in your life or he will drag you down as well
I would strongly reconsider trying to mend a relationship/friendship with this man
It is not your fault, he is just not ready for a relationship with his disorder yet
I know, but you will find someone else who has a great mom too :)
That must have been embarrassing
I am sorry
He wouldnt, that is the NPD
Shame is hard for them to express
Maybe because she walked in on that before
Well he may have been a private person, and very discreet with women
Still I think it is a mute point because I feel that it is good that he is not in your life
Flirting is a sign of NPD based on his past behavior
That is unfortunate, but I am pretty positive that this man exhibited symptoms of NPD like I said earlier
Well now that you have these books and links, you can better recognize it
to avoid it in the future
Very charming, but read the books and you will be able to see through them
Anytime, I am always happy to help
That is a very big sign of NPD, that is true
That is possible
So I think we have firmly established that his issues like with his diagnosis of NPD, there really is no doubt about that based on everything we have talked about
Did you have any other questions or concern, because we have talked for over 2 hours now
Yes we have actually, and I am only saying because I have a client coming in for an evaluation in 20 minutes
Not really because his emotions are shallow and superficial and intimacy is more of a deep emotion
Most individuals with NPD cannot express real intimacy
I think the books will be very enlightening for you and will help you avoid these types of individuals for the future
Good idea :)
Yes that is how it works and I do appreciate the positive rating. I think you will do wonderful with the CBT therapy and I think it is just what you need to break this cycle and avoid these men in the future.
Also those books I recommended in the chat when we first talked will help you to better recognize a Narcissist and help you to avoid them