Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your boyfriend has been exhibition this level of jealousy, I can see how this can distress you.
I would like to ask a few questions to get some more information and be able to provide you with the best answer
Does he every over-exaggerate his own achievements?
Does his level of jealously get to the point where you feel he is controlling you?
Also does he feel that he is better than other people at all?
Anytime, I am always happy to help
Okay that definitely narrows it down then, which is a good news because if you answered yes to any of those questions then he might have had a serious personality disorder which is very hard to treat in most individuals. I think he has very low self-esteem, usually associated with mild-moderate depression and this is what causes his jealousy issues.
His behavior of not accepting responsibility of what he says is also a symptom of this.
This is definitely not associated specifically with ADHD, but him having ADHD may make him more self-conscious and this leads to low self-esteem, which causes his behavior.
A good treatment for this would be something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that his symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change his thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then his symptoms will lessen.
The treatment outcome for his is usually very good, so that is something to be positive about
Him emailing/texting other women is a questionable behavior though where he is trying to gain self-esteem and confidence by being validated by other women
I guess it is hard for me to believe he has low self esteem, he is such a handsome guy and a part of me thinks he knows this and is using this to his advantage with women.
How do you suggest I get him to agree to see someone and have this therapy ? Especially, since he doesn't think he has a problem.
Yeah that is true, but may be he thinks there are other parts of him that are not appealing to women and this causes his low self-esteem because that would explain his jealousy issues which seems very severe and problematic for your relationship. I think the best way to approach therapy with him would be to suggest couples therapy and use the words "we" and "us" a lot when you are suggesting couples therapy, so that he does not feel that he is the problem in his relationship. This will help reinforce the idea that you are a team and working together in this relationship and that you want to do therapy to grow closer together
I can recommend some good couple therapists in your area if you like
Thank you so much! I am in The Woodlands, Texas. I would really appreciate the recommendations of therapists.
Sure give me a few minutes to compile a good list for you
Okay I think these therapists would be ideal for both of you. The specialize with relationship issues and self-esteem issues and can provide couplescounseling. I also selected two that were male therapists because I have found that some males in the relationship are more open to therapy if their therapist is male
Also I would like to recommend this book as well, I have used it with patients and I feel it is one of the best out there for couples
Thank you so much! I am trying to copy and paste all of this before we end our session.
Well actually a link of this chat should be sent to your email so you can always have it available, also this chat will be saved on your JA account under My questions for you to come back to it if you need to