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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Well I have a sibling that is older than I. OKMH922100

Resolved Question:

Well I have a sibling that is older than I. Our relation has been rocky. I really don't like being around her. She has more than i and always tries to be little me even though I'm smarter than her. I'm not sure why she is like this. I've always tried to have a respectful relation with her but when she has an opportunity she will put me down. We work together, I'm her accountant, but I really don't like being there. I'm trying to look for employment else where, but because the job market is bad I'm stuck there. Now I can't figure why she is this way. I sometimes blame it on her looser husband. But maybe it's her personality. Well I notice she gets along with people who are derogatory and foul. Which I see as low class. Well should I be less conservative and be more liberal and act like the people she associates with or should I be who I am and try to find employment else where? I'm i wrong in judging so harshly? What would be the right path to take? Thank You.

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe i can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am sorry that you are having this trouble with your sibling, I can imagine how this distresses her

Dr. Z :

It actually seems like based on her behavior that she has low self-confidence and by acting this way towards you and putting you down she is overcompensating and trying to bring you down to help raiser her own self-esteem. It is considered a maladaptive defense mechanism

Dr. Z :

You stated that when other people are derogatory or "foul" she does not respond in this way like she does to you, this is because she views this attitude as dominating and does not feel confident in herself to confront this behavior, so she just acts like she "gets along" with these types of people.

Dr. Z :

So I definitely think you should not change who you are, you should act like you want to act because that is your identity and I am sure you are acting in a respectful way from it sound like. But I think you should express your frustration/anger over how she belittles you to help mask her own insecurities and low self-confidence. A good way to do this is to be assertive when you express your anger/frustration as this can show that you are also confident and will not take her comments without consequences. The goal of being assertive when expressing your anger is to do it respectfully, XXXXX XXXXX get your point across. Here is a good technique I teach patients on being assertive when expressing their anger/frustration

Dr. Z :

So I definitely do not think you are wrong in this case, you deserve respect while at work. I believe that she is just using her power to treat you this way because of her own insecurities in other parts of her life and is just taking it out on you because as a safe target, she believes that you will always love her no matter what. I think if you are assertive and stand up for her, then hopefully she will get the idea that she cannot pick on you in this way and her behavior will lessen towards you.

Dr. Z :

*Sorry I mistyped in the beginning I meant "I am sorry that you are having this trouble with your sibling, I can imagine how this distresses YOU"

Dr. Z :

I see that you are offline right now, but when you get back online I would be very interested in continuing this discussion with you and talking about anything further you would like to share regarding your concern, so if you respond in the chat box I will be able to get back to you as soon as possible.

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