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Hello I believe i can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that you are going through this period of separation with your partner, I can imagine the distress this has caused you.
But the good news is that she regrets her decision to separate from you and be with this other younger man, and it seems like she wants to restore her relationship with you
yes and shes now really seems to me very dedicated, like it was before
It is definitely possible to restore your relationship, but it will take time and I suggest seeing a coupes therapist in your area to discuss the reasons why she decided to separate and what made her feel compelled to start this relationship with a younger guy.
the problem is
Couples therapy can help enhance your communication to prevent this from happening again
i dont have now enough trust on her...simply i do want to belive her but cannot reach it
thanks Dr Z
Well it will take time to build that trust and she will have to be more transparent to allow you start to trust her again. Couple therapy can help with this and set guidelines for how she should be more transparent with her thoughts, feelings, and activities
This will help you start to trust her again. Most likely she felt unhappy in the relationship and this is what led her to seek another younger man, and therapy can help determine what this reason was, so as to correct it and prevent it from happening in the future.
she highlighted many times about her unmet needs with me
The problem was that she did not communicate what she was unhappy about, so you had no way of knowing, which means you had no chance to help remedy the problem. This is called poor communication
And how did you respond?
over these years and i was working on it
maybe not enough attention
because we moved just recently to Oz and new life new everything and stress put her in a easy way of solving problem
but we had and still have strong spiritual
connection - we can hnestly speak
So maybe that you realize these unmet needs, you can work on them harder and show her that you are making an effort which will bring her closer to you and you to her
with each other
That is great that you have that strong spiritual connection, that will help you both as you rebuild that trust.
what i simply
she is now blaming her to see that i lost 13 kilos in 1 month
and i am afraid that i will now crash the castle...the castle we have had during these years and i never never thought that can go thru this again....this happened with me with my previous marriage
i know we cant solve it now - a good frind advised me to live each day now since we both agree to stay together
and respect each other and try to restore ... ourselves
she is hard working and her work load
doesnt leave too much time for the personal life... and nevertheless she has found some time for a younger sweet boy
Well then I think a decision will have to be made that she should devote more personal time to you if she wants to successfully restore this relationship and rebuild that castle that you both built together.
She will have to make some sacrifices for the sake of the relationship and if the relationship is important to her then she must be willing to do so.
Also you will have to make some sacrifices as well to meet her needs, because you are both a team in this. While it was her mistake that led to this separation, you are both involved and it will take both of you to make the relationship stronger than what it was before.
It will take time and I agree with your friend to focus on the present, but you both should have a plan for the future and what you both must do to move forward. A couples therapist will help you with this.
yes - i already suggested her
to go for therapy - she siad lets see for some time how we go - then will decide
shes visiting psycologist last months...
and looks that specialist encouraged her to go for new relationships...
but its my guess only ..
Well if you feel that her therapist suggested her to seek new relationships, then you may not feel comfortable going to couples therapy with that therapist and you may want another one.
and its not maybe important now .... - she will see him next time early ocober - i am sure she will update on her decisions
she asked me recently to sit and agreed upon few things
1 i dont want to leave you
2 if relationships must be a secret we wont be in that
3 need some time to bring my mind to right order and decide ab family and children that we were dreaming long time
And did agreeing to those three things make you feel?
*And HOW did agreeing to those three things make you feel?
i feel that i believe her ...moreover i can see it also
it was 10 dyas ago...
she said she called that youg boy and informed that she cannot and doesnt want to continue
that i proposed her and she accepted
so the main problem is me now to try to belive truly...like was before..
Well it is still very early and it will take time for trust to build (usually months), so both of you need to take baby steps in the restoring the relationship and not to rush or push this
You are going to be more hesitant because of the trust, so definitely go slow and at a pace you are comfortable with
ok i hope i can do this - then will see
its not the end of the world
I believe you can. It will not be easy, but anything worthwhile in this world does not come easy
anyway to do something is better than just destoying
I agree, that is a good positive attitude
in a second and say it was the only solution
thanks Dr. Z
all the best to you!
Anytime, i am always happy to help. I wish you and your partner the best of luck with everything and I hope you two truly restore your relationship. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
I think you both truly love and care for each other and I believe you both will make this relationship work and rebuild your castle stronger then it was before, so that this does not happen again
i have this feeling too by the way...even at the very suffering point so will work and see
Good, it will work out. Just be open with her and she be open with you. This will help you both communicate better and will bring you closer than ever before. This will also help rebuild the trust too. Just be patient and take baby steps.
If you need anything else or any advice in the future please feel free to contact me at anytime.
Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much