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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My husband is addicted to all things vietnamese including massage

Resolved Question:

My husband is addicted to all things vietnamese including massage parlors women etc. what do I do
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your overwhelming situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I cannot imagine how painful it could be for you to find yourself in this situation. there is nothing that could justify any form of abuse, even less to this magnitude. What you describe shows very serious mental health,personality and behavioral issues affecting your husband life. It seems clear to me that he may have what is known as love and sex addiction, which is a very complex disdorder.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me for how long has he been presenting these behaviors?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see you are online but do not join the chat or reply. The chat interface has technical problems many times not allowing communication between experts and customers. I will change it to postings to make sure you could read my input.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
1:39 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
1:39 PM
I am very sorry to know about your overwhelming situation.
1:43 PM
I cannot imagine how painful it could be for you to find yourself in this situation. there is nothing that could justify any form of abuse, even less to this magnitude. What you describe shows very serious mental health,personality and behavioral issues affecting your husband life. It seems clear to me that he may have what is known as love and sex addiction, which is a very complex disorder.
2:15 PM
Could you please tell me for how long has he been presenting these behaviors?
1:39 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
1:39 PM
I am very sorry to know about your overwhelming situation.
1:43 PM
I cannot imagine how painful it could be for you to find yourself in this situation. there is nothing that could justify any form of abuse, even less to this magnitude. What you describe shows very serious mental health,personality and behavioral issues affecting your husband life. It seems clear to me that he may have what is known as love and sex addiction, which is a very complex disorder.
2:15 PM
Could you please tell me for how long has he been presenting these behaviors?
2:53 PM
I can see you are online but do not join the chat or reply. The chat interface has technical problems many times not allowing communication between experts and customers. I will change it to postings to make sure you could read my input.

* Please feel free to reply now, the system should allow us to communicate this way. Thank you for your patience.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry I am back on line now


 

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
No problem. Thank you for replying. Please tell me more about your husband problems for me to better understand this painful situation.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

He has cut all emotional ties with me. Says he loves me deeply but that emotionally he has nothing to give. I first found out about massages three years ago, then the affair one and a half years ago. He was sending her money. Yesterday he admitted he has a love sexual addiction to vietnamese women, but has no intention of bringing her here. It is for the most part an emotional affair via internet. I am 60 year old and am lost. We have been to counseling but until yesterday he said he had cut off ties with the vietnamese massages and girlfriend. I knew all along he had not because emotionally he was lost and had cut off everything with our children our grandchildren and me. He is in his own world.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
This is overwhelmingly sat and frustrating. he has then admitted that he has this love and sex addiction, but he has not been fully honest about it, even when getting marriage counseling, and the problem with that is that counseling could be very beneficial, but becomes helpless if the person is not truly honest and accountable.

he is choosing to perpetuate and deepen his addictions and not leave the marriage and family behind because of it, and there is nothing that could take away the pain somebody in your shoes could be experiencing now about it.

It has not been about an isolated episode but a long term addiction getting worse and deeply impacting your lives,a nd the only thing you can do right now in my opinion is to focus on taking good care of yourself, with all the support you could get from your family and close friends, since this is not easy, and you could get into a severe and chronic depression or develop any other mental health disorder and that would just bring more pain and suffering into your life, and that's something you do not deserve nor want to afford,

Please look for professional individual psychotherapy to work on coping with and processing the impact from this painful reality, since it's from there and with the help from your support system, that you would be able to rehabilitate from it, cope as good as possible and take care of your life....
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
In counseling you would have to assess which are the options you have in the present, what would be the best approach that you can and want to afford. Addictions are chronic mental health -behavioral disorders and to rehabilitate from them is never easy, but it is possible, as long as the person fully acknowledged the addictions, taking total responsibility for his feelings, choices and actions, and from there committing to treatment,otherwise it would be impossible to get any significant improvement.

Hi is the only one with the power to work on it with necessary support but if he chooses not to, you still have to take good care of yourself, since you end and deserve a healthy, meaningful and fulfilling life, to heal from it and be able to go on with the support and caring of those who love and care about you.

Does it make sense?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yes so you think that he would have to have professional counseling on the addiction before he can get out of this? I have moved in the last two weeks near my family (sister and children) because I could not take the daily rejection. He is not mean to me we are just good housemates and that in


itself after a 27 year good marriage is a rejection.


--------------------------------------------

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Absolutely, it would not be possible for a person presenting this serious addictions to get suddenly rehabilitated and change his ways without long term psychotherapeutic treatment including both, individual and group therapy, which would have to be followed regular counseling-therapy and consistent participation of a support group
for sex and love addiction. I am not talking about a couple on moths treatment but really long term treatment, since rehabilitation for addictions needs to start and continue for the person's life in order to be effective, real.

He needs more than counseling (which is a more superficial version of psychological support), psychotherapy, both, individual and group, and it should be intensive for it to work. I support your decision to move out to be close to and receive support from your family since this is not something anybody should face alone.

Please look for professional individual counseling to work on your won healing process as soon as possible. I am here to support you , so please feel free to contact me as necessary. Thank you for your trust.
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
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MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach