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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and overwhelming situation you have been undergoing for so long.
The reality you depict in your message is very sad, since it really shows how frustrated you feel having had many years of your life invested in something you never wanted nor like at all.
Your words show you feel you have betrayed yourself while allowing your parents to control , manipulate and rule your life this much to the point it's become overwhelming.
They also show that you have stayed not because your parents would suffer out of a disability, poverty or any other tragic situation in case you happen not to be there, but mostly because he wanted you to do whatever he thinks is the best for him and for you, totally disregarding the fact that you are an individual, with your own longings, needs and rights, who deserves to have his own life , to enjoy and learn from it , including the unavoidable pain we all must face but when doing and trying to achieve what truly matters to us, brings meaning and fulfillment into our existence.
To love, understand and support a parents is always noble and wise, but not to expose yourself to be used, abused, manipulated or neglected by anybody under any circumstance, and that seems to have happened here.
I truly believe you need and deserve to build and enjoy your own life as an adult, as a whole human being, and that it is wise and right not to delay taking consistent actions in order too start this process right away. Guilt this much is for sure a distorted feeling that destroys you while unable further abuse, fueling other people's ego, not truly helping, since it does not allow them to awake to reality around how dysfunctional and abusive their ways have been.
Does it make sense?
Sorry, I wonder if you can read my response, since I can see you are in the chat but have not replied. Many times this chat interface has technical problems not allowing communication between experts and costumers, that's why I want to make sure it is working now.
I will change from chat to posting just to make sure we could dialogue, that you could get my response. Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your patience.