How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, I am really in a pickle here, I am a fourth two years

Resolved Question:

Hi,
I am really in a pickle here, I am a fourth two years old man who works in a family business with his 90 years old father, brother and brother in law, I always hated this type of work and I never wanted it, even though I am very successful at what I do, my problem is that I have a control freak father who has been using the guilt trips on me since my graduation from college, I had to pay the price of him being old for every move I ever wanted to do, I. e, I am so old whose gonna handle the business when I die, and my mother also played a part with it as he controls her too, every time I make a decession to leave or go into an argument with him, the question of, oh how long you think your father will live for much longer? And the quilt trip starts again, I have lately waken up to the fact that the good years of my life have past and have not achieved any thing of what I wanted, I really want to break free of the quilt, take my family and leave, he keeps hearting me with his words and his actions and I cannot take it any more, my parents also do the same to my brother and sister, my brother seems to be ok with it, which makes me feel that I am doing something wrong again please advise
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and overwhelming situation you have been undergoing for so long.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The reality you depict in your message is very sad, since it really shows how frustrated you feel having had many years of your life invested in something you never wanted nor like at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your words show you feel you have betrayed yourself while allowing your parents to control , manipulate and rule your life this much to the point it's become overwhelming.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

They also show that you have stayed not because your parents would suffer out of a disability, poverty or any other tragic situation in case you happen not to be there, but mostly because he wanted you to do whatever he thinks is the best for him and for you, totally disregarding the fact that you are an individual, with your own longings, needs and rights, who deserves to have his own life , to enjoy and learn from it , including the unavoidable pain we all must face but when doing and trying to achieve what truly matters to us, brings meaning and fulfillment into our existence.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

To love, understand and support a parents is always noble and wise, but not to expose yourself to be used, abused, manipulated or neglected by anybody under any circumstance, and that seems to have happened here.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I truly believe you need and deserve to build and enjoy your own life as an adult, as a whole human being, and that it is wise and right not to delay taking consistent actions in order too start this process right away. Guilt this much is for sure a distorted feeling that destroys you while unable further abuse, fueling other people's ego, not truly helping, since it does not allow them to awake to reality around how dysfunctional and abusive their ways have been.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sorry, I wonder if you can read my response, since I can see you are in the chat but have not replied. Many times this chat interface has technical problems not allowing communication between experts and costumers, that's why I want to make sure it is working now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I will change from chat to posting just to make sure we could dialogue, that you could get my response. Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your patience.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
11:50 AM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
11:52 AM
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and overwhelming situation you have been undergoing for so long.
11:57 AM
The reality you depict in your message is very sad, since it really shows how frustrated you feel having had many years of your life invested in something you never wanted nor like at all.
11:58 AM
Your words show you feel you have betrayed yourself while allowing your parents to control , manipulate and rule your life this much to the point it's become overwhelming.
12:01 PM
They also show that you have stayed not because your parents would suffer out of a disability, poverty or any other tragic situation in case you happen not to be there, but mostly because he wanted you to do whatever he thinks is the best for him and for you, totally disregarding the fact that you are an individual, with your own longings, needs and rights, who deserves to have his own life , to enjoy and learn from it , including the unavoidable pain we all must face but when doing and trying to achieve what truly matters to us, brings meaning and fulfillment into our existence.
12:02 PM
To love, understand and support a parents is always noble and wise, but not to expose yourself to be used, abused, manipulated or neglected by anybody under any circumstance, and that seems to have happened here.
12:05 PM
I truly believe you need and deserve to build and enjoy your own life as an adult, as a whole human being, and that it is wise and right not to delay taking consistent actions in order too start this process right away. Guilt this much is for sure a distorted feeling that destroys you while unable further abuse, fueling other people's ego, not truly helping, since it does not allow them to awake to reality around how dysfunctional and abusive their ways have been.
12:05 PM
Does it make sense?
12:10 PM
Sorry, I wonder if you can read my response, since I can see you are in the chat but have not replied. Many times this chat interface has technical problems not allowing communication between experts and costumers, that's why I want to make sure it is working now.
12:12 PM
I will change from chat to posting just to make sure we could dialogue, that you could get my response. Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your patience.

Please feel free to reply. Thanks.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education