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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I get to know this guy for 5 years. but he has already rejected

Customer Question

I get to know this guy for 5 years. but he has already rejected me for 3 times within 5 years. only this year I came to know he is a divorcee with a son. I introduced him to a 2 days property workshops. I didnt attend it. my friend spotted him bringing a girlfriend to attend. of course I am curious so I asked him whether he is attached. But he said told me that lady is a married women and they are just friend. For the past 5 years, I become emotionally attached to him coz everyday I will text him. but he refused to tell me about his past. I dont know why.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Customer:

ya

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This man is keeping his true identity and circumstances hidden from you and this is somewhat suspicious

Customer:

but he always give a listening ear

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You know little about him for 5 years.

Customer:

ya, i only came to know about his divorce this year

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Giving a listening ear is easy to do .

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have you dated him?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

meet up

Customer:

no intimacy

Customer:

for lunch or dinner only

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Does he want to be intimate?

Customer:

yes. he ever asked to go to a hotel this May before I came to know his divorce from his insurance fren

Customer:

but i refused

Customer:

i become emotionally attached to him

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you think he may be a player and have several women in his life?

Customer:

i only have him as my opposite gender fren

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But he wants benefits.

Customer:

he is a teacher at a famous junior college here

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A great opportunity to meet women.

Customer:

for the past 5 years I also try to expand my social circle to know more guys

Customer:

but i only met conman

Customer:

online conman

Customer:

online fren who wants to ask for sex at first meet up

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why do you think he hides his past?

Customer:

or my colleague and friend tried to introduce those very low skilled man to me

Customer:

only when I asked him then he will say that

Customer:

or else he will not automatically reveal his past

Customer:

he is right also

Customer:

ppl never ask he will never say

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Someone who is hiding his past may be lying by omission.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is a conman too.

Customer:

what do you mean lying by ommission

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Not telling the whole truth.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Omitting some of the truth.

Customer:

I dont understand why I always meet those guys

Customer:

conman in various form

Customer:

I am a uni grad and an Accountant now

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Because there are lots of players out there and you must appear to be too naive or trusting.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There ARE good men out there, but you have to learn about them carefully.

Customer:

how to learn

Customer:

i find that i always dont have luck in finding a life partner

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Watch their eyes, their body language, and learn about their history. See how they treat servants or waiters or strangers or children or animals.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

See if they are always checking out other women.

Customer:

he is just like normal

Customer:

he brought his gf or wife to attend the workshops

Customer:

and when i questioned him he said they are just fren

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Some people are narcissists and they are the best con men, the best liars, and they can fool most people.

Customer:

but he has a decent master degree and work as noble teacher in famous school

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can tell by their body language what they are.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That has nothing to do with character or honesty.

Customer:

i dont really know how to read body language

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Observe the person and use your instincts and your emotional intelligence. Don't listen to words, use your feelings.

Customer:

my feeling is he is a nice man

Customer:

always give me a listening ear

Customer:

as a fren

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

and wants to go to motel with you.

Customer:

that is after we know about 5 yrs

Customer:

ok la forget about this guy

Customer:

my concern is how to find a decent life partner

Customer:

tell you a bit of my past

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

ok

Customer:

I first tried to get a boyfriend when I was at high school

Customer:

but my classmate rejected me

Customer:

I went home to cry for the whole afternoon

Customer:

then come to my college time

Customer:

I also secretly admired a guy but only after one year I came to know he got gf

Customer:

third one was when I graduated and went to church

Customer:

and a church fren admired me..........

Customer:

but I fall sick and diagnosed mental illness at that time

Customer:

so I forced to leave the church and heading home

Customer:

to hometown

Customer:

at that time I was very depressed by family life events ie late mom accident and hospitalisation for one month

Customer:

then my brother onset of mental illness also

Customer:

my dad got tyroid

Customer:

my family biz collapsed

Customer:

everything out of control

Customer:

all these things I never told my 5 years guy fren

Customer:

i also hiding sth

Customer:

thought if we are partner i will reveal to him

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What was your diagnosis?

Customer:

Schizophrenia

Customer:

i then left my country Malaysia to Singapore

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is it true?

Customer:

and I have been treating this illness here for the past 10 yrs

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

with what?

Customer:

and on recovery journey

Customer:

psychiatrist and counselling

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

and medication? Which ones?

Customer:

Risperdal

Customer:

1.5mg

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you have hallucinations?

Customer:

yes. but no more now

Customer:

everything in control

Customer:

with monthly visit to counsellor

Customer:

and quarterly visit to psychiatrist

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps you were having hallucinations because of a great deal of anxiety or depression.

Customer:

i got a mental history of 14 yrs

Customer:

I have a very sad family

Customer:

money issue

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you still take risperdal?

Customer:

yes

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Are you back in the church?

Customer:

no. join other church

Customer:

now I am very active in joining activities

Customer:

or workshops

Customer:

to learn many things

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You should go to a church where there are single men and lots of social occasions.

Customer:

ie job related, family issue, opposite gender, health, etc

Customer:

my church guys are mostly married at my age

Customer:

i turn 40 this year

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Workshops are good too for meeting men. Church is often a place to meet good people who have single relatives.

Customer:

the thing is my church good fren, a lady, is also looking for man

Customer:

she is 46

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Are there nice places you can go together to meet men?

Customer:

yes. but chance to meet conman also there

Customer:

a govt dating agency

Customer:

i already registered on 28thSept for a workshop

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Go slowly with any new man until you get to know him well.

Customer:

talk about how to attract opposite gender, successful relationship, marriage

Customer:

3 talks in a day

Customer:

in fact I have already joined the govt dating agency for the 8 yrs

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Go to the workshops and you will find others who are looking for serious relationships.

Customer:

as a platform to meet guys

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Keep trying because someone wonderful will come into your life. You have to be patient. It is difficult.

Customer:

used to meet various guys ie conman but not get cheated,

Customer:

and meeting other eligible guys

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

All you can do is keep trying.

Customer:

but often we do not develop further bec of different qualification, diff family background

Customer:

i am the only degree holder in family

Customer:

my 2 adopted brothers are casual labour

Customer:

guy also look for my family background

Customer:

one question here

Customer:

i used to rely much on Christian friend last time

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes

Customer:

but these few years I learn much on psychology after i go to see counsellor

Customer:

the CBT does help me a lot

Customer:

so i keep explore into it

Customer:

i find that psychology is easier to learn

Customer:

and help me a lot in my life

Customer:

in term of improving colleague relationship, handling family issue, opposite gender relationship

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And it will help with self-confidence and the ability to meet good men.

Customer:

after seeing counsellor I become stable in current job for the past 5 yrs

Customer:

maintain a friendship with this guy for 5 yrs

Customer:

i used to change more than 20 employers in my 10 years working life

Customer:

after 10 years of low pay and frequent changing of job, no opposite gender fren

Customer:

now i got a stable job

Customer:

my counsellor doing a wonderful job for me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seem that you are lucky with a good one.

Customer:

in my journey of looking for life partner for the past 20 yrs

Customer:

i encounter a lot of frustration

Customer:

rejection

Customer:

confusion

Customer:

keep trying until i scare not to go for it

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are not alone.

Customer:

i know if i am with someone right i can do much better in my life

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You cannot hurry love.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are right but have not yet met Mr Right.

Customer:

dont kow when can i meet the one

Customer:

already 20 yrs

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are trying. That is all you can do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Are you looking online as well?

Customer:

no

Customer:

scare of online scam

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Maybe you should.

Customer:

i used to encounter this and reported police

Customer:

i rather meet someone in person

Customer:

during the workshops

Customer:

i dont like online fren

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can try

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.singaporedating.net/

Customer:

ya i know this

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

or meetups

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.meetup.com/Singles-Meetup-singapore/

Customer:

i already disappointed

Customer:

why none of the good guys will attract to me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you quit looking then you will never find anyone.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If they don't attract you then don't date them.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is hard for a good woman or a good man to find someone.

Customer:

so far only those man like physical handicapped pastor, mentally ill but low skilled worker, autism uni grad confess to me

Customer:

is it bec of my self image

Customer:

why only these guys come to me

Customer:

whom I dont want

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you don't love yourself nobody else will.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Try this book

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is the link for USA puchase but you can buy it world wide:

Customer:

ok

Customer:

i will go to bookstore to find this book

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Customer:

ok thanks

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards XXXXX XXXXX

Customer:

we shall end here

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you so much, then. I wish you God's blessings and good fortune.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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