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Well I definitely think it is good that your pastor will not be pushed around, that can help him maintain his objectivity
Her pushing her girlfriends and church friends away from her definitely shows increased irritability and possibly depression as well, which are all signs of BPD.
I think she is continuing to come to the realization that she is alone and blames everyone else for her feelings because she is unable to understand that this is her own undoing.
Oh I wanted to ask if you saw those links I gave you last night? Not sure if I gave you any of them before, but they can be very helpful
I think so ,,one of our real great friends wants to go and talk some sense into her I begged him not to for this would make it worse, so he will not ,,and I'm sorry I was too blurry eyed to go any more but I will soon, I will do it a little later ,, I need a bit of rest a church and lod Air Force buddy ,from viet nam got hit buy a car while on a bike ride ,,I went to pay my respects, to his wife, and got a funny movie for later, ,,,but how or what can we do or just let her bottom out, ???
I am sorry to hear about your friend, but that is nice of you to pay your respects. No worries about the links, you can totally check them out at a later time. I think you are definitely right not to have your friend go over there and talk to her because that will just cause her to resist. I think you definitely have to be patient and let her bottom out from this because that will be the only way for her to concede and admit that she still cares for you and that she does not want to lose you. Right now she is going through the anger and blame everyone stage, which will isolate her. Then she will start to feel very lonely and miss you, which will then compel her to seek reconciliation with you.
It seems this id going in a good way, almost at a slightly pace with the case hearing on the 30th sept, like she's panicking like a trapped person in a fire trying to find a way out, do you think she will flip out in court still trying to convince I'm evil, or remain calm knowing the judge will throw her out and ect,????
You are right this is going in the pace that we discussed, because she is panicking about being alone. It is difficult to say if she would "flip out" in court because you did mention that she can sometimes can keep her composure in front of others and hide her BPD. But she is acting more impuslive, so the likelihood of her flipping out in court is high, so I would not put it past her. You just have to remain calm because when she does flipout it will be her own undoing in court and will show you in a much more favorable light.
so is this going faster than we expected ,, you see I have a feeling her lawyer is going to drop her as soon as this is over ,,you see I found out once the case is closed he's done,, but in the same letter to our pastor she wants to not use the lawyer ,but as little as possible , because of there cost, so I have a funny feeling divorce may be out the door, one she has to retain a new one, big cost, and then the court costs, and then settling,so I think divorce is going to cost to much, and weaker her resolve , I have decided I'm not going to let her walk all over me ,actually if I cave in i'm lost , I thought of just saying i'm done and i'm moving away anyway. but then I might shoot my self in the foot ,,so I will not be stupid,
Yeah I agree, do not tell her that you are done and just leave, especially since it would be a bluff and you do want to be with her. I think if you are patient and continue with what you have doing, her resolve will weaken and she will come back to you. You are right that this is going faster than we both thought, and I think if her lawyer does drop her as a client it will push her towards reconciliation more. All you have to do now is just wait and be patient for her to come to you.
because he sees her as a troublemaker ,,not a lot just when she has a REAL stupid attack,( army talk) which is not often usually she will mess up a little and I can fix it even with our friends, so I see did not expect me to put up and fight ,sort of ,,but now its two weeks out and she really wants my stuff out ,and I can not be there but she agreed that insure I get all my items ,, but other than control why is she being so defiant. when its in writing, or should I call my lawyer when it's time, and let her eat it. because her helper is a very nice young person but vertically challenged (short) and I have things put up high and I will work it from there. or do you think It will go that far ??
I think you should keep things legally stable, so calling your lawyer is not a bad idea, because this way she will know that she cannot bully you for control. Your lawyer can draft a compromise that would be satisfactory to you and your wife regarding all your things that are still at the house.
ok, so for now my quest why does not want me to see in the house ,,or control and she's ripping all kinds of stuff up in anger and I'm the only one that can say shes gone over the edge, wood carpet etc. wondering what she hiding ???
I wonder what she is hiding as well, but you will have to be patient and when she does come back to you then you can explore that together on what she did to the house. For right now, just mention to your lawyer what she is requesting and take it from there.
ok one thing here in california is marriage /reconciliation, separation 2 types, live together love each other, live together, just separate money's, and you are still married, (,like a prenuptial ),,or pre divorce ,, and divorce, so this is her our options, so only three options,what do you think
I think for you the complete reconciliation with you two living together and the separation, but both seeing a couple counselor and working on your marriage, are two good options for you. I do not think the separate money, but still married will work well in this case
you see separation itself is sort of pre divorce ,,the money one is she is afraid I will spend her her money,,I do not need to spend her money ,,even though she has extra money aside ,,she does not know I know of, so what do I do I hold it secret unless it gets messy, ???
Separation can be considered a pre-divorce, but if couples counseling is outlined in the separation agreement, then usually it is not considered a pre-divorce, but more separation in hopes of reconciliation. I think you can hold it secret about the extra money, but you do not seem like the guy that is vindictive and wants to hurt her.
no not really, you know you see the Bible says that he will punish those who hurt widow's and orphan's , and a pastor told me once because a asked how God saw me .like a title of who I am ,,he looked in all kinds of translations in many languages ,and he said ..besides alone ,,God see's me as an orphan /widow, ,kind of odd, but I'm ok, I don't live there, but it tells me He/God has a little more caring and patience for me ,,I'm as healed as I am for to day, and tomorrow will better. so I think I'm ok, but you tell me thanks ???
I think God is with you, so you are not alone through this and hopefully your wife will reach out to Him and help her realize that you are good for each other and you are her rock as she is healing. I agree that tomorrow will be better, that is a good attitude, just take it one day at a time and be patient.
ok Doc for now I have to rest ..for this week, so thank you, XXXXX XXXXX a tip will have to catch up to you, ,,I sorry, , its tight right now, thank you DOC,,, Hooah !!
No worries, I am just happy to help you. No tip is necessary. Best of luck to you and I hope your week goes by smoothly :)
Thank and Roger That God Bless.. pt
Dr Z I just unpacked and stored my things, and she went overboard getting rid of my items, most of it labeled and either wrapped up, or protected, I know she had help, but it seems so hard, and is she loosing control. of me or am I fooling my self ,, I did she get help do disconnect her self or she is still so attached she had to have help, ???
so I might see her at church tonight because it like mant group therapies, i'm going to angermanagenent, but you think she is more attached than she realizes,and what next will she try to remove or erase me or realize she what will crash and just say uncle ??
So I have her family pictures for her, and now its under two weeks, but in a way she goes to such a length to show she is sending me away but shes really confused or is she she knows what she wants but can not say what???
so how do I go about this the divorce here in calif is $500 and lawyer retainer at about $3.500 fee and she tell our pastor to be a go between because the cost is hurting her. ???
what i'm saying this is what it will cost her to start this, and if money is an issue and shes also wanting to finish her dental implants at $6.000 to $ 8.000 ,whats on her mind ,???
Relist: Incomplete answer.ok Dr Z what im asking is her desire for a divorce is expensive, and she needs her front implants, of 3 teeth, which will run over $6000 to $7000, and a divorce at 500$ and a lawyer fee of $3.500 ,,,which will she do I'm confused
Monday, September 16, 2013 8:16 PMEST
Relist: Incomplete answer.ok Dr Z what im asking is her desire for a divorce is expensive, and she needs her front implants, of 3 teeth, which will run over $6000 to $7000, and a divorce at 500$ and a lawyer fee of $3.500 ,,,which will she do I'm confused
it gets confusing doesn't,it so you think her idea is divorce is her option , or time what now i'm really,I was thinking she is considering shes running out of steam and will say uncle, ??
I did add a picture of us on her pictures ,,is that ok or remove it ???
not on line to her pics
Okay, well then I do not think there is anything wrong with you adding that picture then. It just shows that you still care and reminds her that when things get really bad for her, which they most likely will judging by her decline in stability as we have talked about here a lot, she can always contact you and that you will be there for her. The picture may also cause her to miss you more as well as cause her to remember the good times with you. So I think it was good and smart decision by you to add that picture. Good job!! :)
Dr Z,, tonite we had our first meeting ,with prayer song. and she was there at first real stand off in the back,. by the door, I was afraid she would leave. she spoke to our pastor who lead songs ans prayer, and them she sat on the opposite side of the room ,,but one row up ,we could both see each other ,,a first passing glances, and real momentary eye contact and the her big face cheeks raised when we did decide with out words we smiled real care fully but it was almost reserved cow eyes to each other, and I went forward for special prayer and healing with a another pastor, I confessed my poor actions to him etc, I waved him over because I wanted him to know I wanted to respect her space ,and we prayed , so now what i asked the head counselor, I asked him what to expect with her, he said she is still thinking about it she has not made up her mind ,,now what???
you see we have both have kind of messed up the restraining order ,, i will call my lawyer and what the judge might do ,,hammer us both ,,because its so groundless, but he can still enforce it , but yes I know you are not a lawyer, but seeing how we have both been not followed it and calling and doing stupid stiff ,do you think he might extend it ,,or just because of her grater transgressions like calling my CO, ect cousens just toss it ,???
my bug is even if she wants to and my lawyer provers is as he says groundless and mailing,and with out merrett, and he tosses it out ,,,do I ask our pastor how to start a simple dialog with her like dating ???
It was good seeing her for almost for an hour and close enough to touch just to shake her hand but I was terrified, and to keep making eye contact was as we both relaxed, and let be natural but not like staring,,even my pal noticed, and his eyes are not to good but he noticed, us how many of the pastors noticed ,,
but there will be no more singing and prayer after this
,,this was a special start up,, but the counselors said they want me to be more ready to not get mad when she devorces me but these guys don't know ,they seem to be wanting to make a point that this is going to happen ,, but I see there point but I feel like here I go again, roller coaster ,,,and she did buy a new car a sports car, is this a bad sign like when I guy buys one he's all ready said good by
OK usual for me something like that lasts like a month or two, but so she was not there behind the door probably around the corner hiding, so now I am hoping you right but , so this is covering up her own emotional tail spin to crash soon
Dr Z,, it was all a lie last nite ,, when i got my stuff last week i gave my pastor 2 BB guns which were my sons , and she filed a police report, but they are no guns and then she up until now has been tracking my credit card which is mine ,,,and last night at church was a but on to sucker me in ,,,,,what next???
ok, Doc I have stopped her access to the card, and feel like a fool, she seemed so sincere my pastor almost swore, so i will be avoiding her ,but I Have a job to do there to, and I was told if she gets out of control she will be asked to find a new church, so what should I expect ,,will she attack me ???
so what next I'm a bit shaken up, not scared, but what next or do I just let her hurt herself, I don't know ,what to expect, so will she just go crazy , in a hospital,??? should I warn my pastor she could be dangerous,
Ok Dr Z .well I have enough to be care full, of, i appreciate your help. and I may keep in touch ,,thank you so much hooah ! pt
Dr Z, I have a confirmation that this restraining order is going to go away, yesterday, my pastor just said be on guard, but just waiting now, ,,,, and I just found out you see we are amamtur radio operaters ,,and she applied for her own membership in the club we belonged to, is this her of reaching out like you said .???
because I signed up first I was the only member, at the time I was the only amature radio liscence person ,and you need to have a license to use the repeater, so we had a family plan at one third off,and one of the members I spoke to today said she was getting her own membership, is this her was of what???
she got her ticket to talk to me when her phone was acting up , and she seldom goes on unless i'm on, but with the order still there , i have to be careful until its cleared up, she knows i am on it quite often, but with the order no direct contact, do you think she had this in the works and to ask my friends about me???
she bought one of the too technical phones and it would get stuck, and stop, working, and she would get on her radio to check in and mostly talk with me ...there is a couple of ladies belong to, my friends would say i'm ok, and not much else because they don't want to let this get messed up they know how I love her ,and i'm reading loving someone with bpd its interesting I see us ,,but not as bad, so i feel we can do this ,tomorrow nite I will probably see her,, you see I have to be served papers too undo this to ,,,,
so if she just happens to pipe in , because when you get on the radio you should give your call sign , do i ignore her on say what ???
so i must announce my call sign for fcc rules ,and not answer her ,or say what . let her announce her call sign , and say very little knowing i let her talk , its just a few days but i can not let it get messed up , i am wondering if she just listens and see what i talk about??
i like the record idea but my gear is not at this time not capable at this time, all that stuff is at her place, so i guess i'll be polite say hi and say want to talk but can't,take care ???
ok Dr Z thank you I have an Air Force buddy at funeral at 9 am and later at 1030am and take care doc ,hooah !!!
Dr Z, so far she has not fixed the court order, but now , i'm finding out she is not paying her medial bills, doc bills, and our counseling staff has set me up with a new guy ,,ok cool, at first they decided I don't really need anger management , and then divorce start up, and the head person who runs the staff I took a side ,,because he is not privileged to the other pastors info, because of privacy things, I asked him not to go to the other pastor ,,jim who shes talking to ,,because I do not want this screwed up ,,he understood ,,they want to make it reconciliation counseling, but i'm concerned if she is not paying her bills what about the car???
ok you see I think she still thinks she has insurance and she does not ,and i'm being sent the bills ,this like a think to see if I still care, and I did pay one ,,it was not to bad, but because we are not separated, I am still responsible, or to keep me here, and just foot dragging ???
ok I can do that, as for me being here longer ,I'm good as long as we resolve this, do see her being more scared than before ,,and I was also told by my realtor that my house is being sold, and she will get what i owe her, will change things, in her head, ??
this was released to her yesterday, and I am thinking I will have money, and I can go ,,how long ,,I am thinking this may have to sink in to her, and to have to wait until monday the 30th because of court cases ahead of her , a friend told me here in riverside the courts are at times very slow, and even if it gets cleared up ,,i may still have to double check its truly cleared up,
will she do it personally e mail call, to keep it on the side or a friend so the pastor is not involved, ,for tomorrow nite I have to meet the new buyer I will my mens meeting where my pastor tells me whats going on , now he said be care full ,, will she draw me in ,,or be good for a while, and that is when we start help,
Because 0f her impulsiveness , I know the pastor knows,but he will say nothing, and she will have to seek other ways ,,so you think E mail , even though we are not to ,her fear will get better of her , because of loosing me, or will she just let it eat her up, ??
ok so I should be completely honest with her ,or what you see I'm a lousy liar she see right through me,,even E mail ,,is this when honesty is the best policy,or will it well mess it up, ???
even to tell her if she still want us to be together, i will be here, for her is that stupid,
one last note I told the docs office to remind her from now her shots are no longer covered ,,,and she will ask what does she owe , and i told the front desk lady tell her the old man took care of it ,, I got a letter from the insurance company to pay it ,,,so I did,, how do you think she will respond ??
ok well I have to get some stuff going here in LA so Gpd bless ,,and I hope It all works out for us and gods glory ,,, thank you DOC hooah!!!
Dr Z, my wife went nuts, she blew up at the realtor, saying she was being a third go between, against the order ,,so I had to put my lawyer and realtor on a conference call, to fix this and they both agree this is her temper tantrum, and she wants more money ,,and is telling her lawyer to my lawyer that she is going to have our church broker our divorce to save her money,, what next???
so now now the pastor who was talking to her is warned that she has been making a fool of him and I,because he was one of the pastors that told me to go to a friends ,and her attack on him is next, so now how can she be nice to me ,I'm like pulled back by my lawyer, in a way just pay her extra money ,, I don't care !!! I actually suggested to him , (just kidding ok) ,tape us together and just tell me what you want ,chew me out ,,just out with it, and end this B/S.. you know its like to children who cant play right have them sit down and settle it ???
no problem , court is soon enough , but its like I'm exhausted, because the more she cries domestic violence, there is none, and thinking my church is going to broker our divorce, HA !!! I feel like a fool, and then she tells the lawyers she cant make up her mind what she wants, and at this time so now what
I am afraid once she see's how she's made folks mad, I don't think the church will even allow reconciliation ,because of her rage, and I love her ,,you know I check our bank account to day we still share it was low, I put in 160 to help her, this was before she went crazy , in the bible its a gift in secret calms a person, boy am I confused
so I'm going to back away and if she wants a divorce ,,It sickens me but I must pray ,,because I'm just going to move on, if I have to, but I'm not going to sit in pity, just ,,but I still love her I will try to be there, but I just wish I knew what she wants and give it to her to stop the maddness, ????
so if my pastors see fit if or when they can get her there ,, how long with the right help take years ,what??
well I have a lot to think about now, she and I made a promise we are not disposable,, but once she starts to get the right treatment , how long before we can be together, as a couple , and rebuild ??? a year and a half, i'm 59 that seems like a long time ,,and if it money ,I will be able to help , but maybe I'm looking for a little hope, sorry
how do i get her to accept help, I just got off the phone with my pastor, and he agrees she needs help ,but how to get her to do this, he also agrees I need to wait on a divorce, that if she puts a hold ,on it like using the house sale to slow it by using the sale to get her attention ??? he has been used before and he very capable to deal with her, and slow her anger ,, but he see's her anger in church activities my be an issue ,,but he busted in to laughter when I told him she wants the church to broker our divorce ,,so for now i'm going to rest ,,i will wait for your answer ,??
ok DrZ good nite and I will let you know what happen when I can ,,take care ,,hooah !!!! paul T
Dr Z well my wife has gone ballistic, she has brought up stuff from four years ago ,,the first time this happen ,, now her listening to our radio group even though i never used her call or name , i would say to a friend i miss a special friend ,, and shes using our older friend against me , and some credit card purchases at collector shows , no gun stuff ,,surplus parts, and now Monday, is going to be a deserter, and even dragging in the Realtor and escrow people, even junk from my last job, what do i do
this came today from my lawyers office as her complaint that about my transgressions on the order i am avoiding her, but now i have to explain all this to my lawyer, like why i was doing this ,old letters from 4 years ago ,,you say its her loosing of me ,in court I'm going to fry ,I feel she is using
because in California , she is lieing and the woman is always right I am afraid they tack the woman's side , you see they had me on large doses of seroquel .and i put on 25 lbs ,and looked very sick ,the shrink doctor backed me off and then took me off of it ,, and personal intemit things too, her and I stuff, and he felt I was OK ,,but she argued I needed more ,,he said it was bad and making me sicker ,,and he's the doctor.
you see this is all in retaliation of my house being sold and her issue, but now im not going to play fair , i mean just using my radio friends ,,I will tell them to watch out and stay away, for she can not be trusted, her lawyer now is the lead lawyer to come after me , but now it all about the house, and I am scared of what will happen to me jail ,what she called my c,o, and cousins,will that have an affect on her, that was causing problems
what i was asking her calling my c o and cousins and hassling them will that be taXXXXX XXXXXghtly be the judge , and the other things ,she has done to me , because our pastor has been sucked in to this too, because she has used him as a third party to to get to me.should i get a note from him stating his place in this,
I know they some times they try to stay out of this but because of his involvement ,,i hope he can help, what do you think they will do a longer or permanent order ,or what three days ago this was going to die ,now its like a war ,,,I have no contact with her at all , should I bring up the last order when she had me up for dinner and sex later and even a 4 day trip in the middle of the second order ,
ok do i tell them how many times and often she had me up to her house like 5 to 6 times a week , and for three months of this ,,and by her invite, so , so much for my transgressions ,,even if this was 4 years ago will this have any bearing, on Monday and to my lawyer ,, just tell him every thing even the 4 day trip
thank you good night Doc
Good morning DrZ, well this this is its kind about me, my lawyer has chewed me out about some of my mistakes, on this order, most are minor or non harmful, but any way I could end up with an extension of time, but maybe not, some was i feel a set up by her but why, now courts on Monday, and I m getting butter fly stomach,and most of her new complaints are safely answered, but the one where our Grand mother person is not so good, with her ok we talked , and my lawyer said even with her letter , so Im scared, and how do you tshe is right now like lets divorce , or kick my butt, or what ??
you see how do i get across to her , that i wish not to abandon her , do i stop the sale of my house ,is that to late for in her head, how can i , show her ??? and let her stop her spinning, or her mood swings how can i keep her safe and what i, realize this is her doing but how can i set her straight, and show as seeing as court is Monday, even though im hurt , God forgives us and how can i reassure her if she can listen , i remember her recent complaint of hearing i still care, and she got mad, i know she needs help, but to show her ,,
ok , i can do that most of our friends are seeing divorce, for us, and you know she is blaming me for her abandonment, i am willing to take the hit for that ,, but i have a scene, she just want me hurt, like her and OK im big enough ,for that but i see her anger, and confusion too, or just let her go, and what??
OK i guess i 'm doing some soul searching on us have done what i can even though she has done as much as she can to hurt me, and i see she needs help, i have told our pastor she needs help, and what , but now after he and i spoke, he feels i need to find a new church, until after court because the lawyer says she can , come and go,and i must run away, from her, and they are saddened but for now ,, so i hooked up with one of army friends and im checking out this church tonight, but im sad having to do this,
I realize I have not meant any harm ,to her, but her condition in in the driving seat, but i am suppose to see a new counselor today , his job is to prepare me for divorce and what to expect after, and what she may want or do, friendly or other divorce, so im apprehensive, of what i might i may not want to do, life is hard and the wish of a time machine would be good right about now,
OK this morning i have to see my pastor , and get pictures of the BB guns for court , and at 10 i see the new guy, i realize her disease is causing, and i have tried and tried, but her anger in causing her friends do not want to be there, we went back to bible study on Thursday night, and her girl friends in privet wanted what to pray for,I said healing for us , and you see even they are hurt, seeing i still care, and you could see there hurt i told them she may or may not want friends, right now because she chases them off, and they are more concerned about me seeing how it hurts,
OK Doc ,, thank you ,, I wish too that it would be a better ending , but until she decides what she needs help, its out of my hands and in God's, so thank you again i will let you know what happens, God bless Doc,, HOOAH !! thank you Paul t
Dr z I realize its early but i am well kind of very wound up, and ,my wife went to a service on Saturday, and went to the most gabby guy on our parking/safety team to ask him to come and get something of his at her house , and then shes being he said telling him all about her new can, the volt, and etc, how she saved up , so on so, can he come and get soon ,, he visits with every one its OK, I think she went to him and want him to come over to see if he knows stuff ,about me, and also my two lawyers and spoke by phone, and they feel i'm might be OK, and I am feeling it right now ,,
wound up about tomorrow, but my lawyers feel that court will be ok for me, but also my wife went to my about something for him to to get from her that's his, but he m
MR gabby, she is looking for info. should i give him any thing, because she is fishing, she is angry ,,ok, but it is out of loosing control of me, of to do more damage, or she is afraid I will move on and I will be gone ???
OK, is she hurting me to destroy me or that she's angry about abandonment,or punish me and she will calm down once i get it, or she still cant figure out what she wants, and to really teach me a lesson, and still divorce me or just punish me ,and make sure I don't ever leave her,
ok so how do I convey this ,one, I am very sorry , and what can I do bring healing and comfort to you to settle you feelings and validate your pain, and at least stop her path of destruction of her self and me, because im big enough to take it, and accept blame to stop this , and if nothing else seek peace so i do not have to keep looking over my shoulder,
so then this is the end of us her and I ,, I realize she needs some serious help ,, I wish not to run away, but once this ends tomorrow. I hope and I am told it will have a positive end, I m still of thinking of filing a false police report about my BB guns, just to clear my mane, and they will investigate it charge her with a misdemeanor, and it will say keep away ?
so what do I do, once the court (wheel of fortune )stops, how long will it take her to see at all because my pastor want me back soon, and he say maybe two weeks , i think to set her down and explain probably new rules for us, because i found out on Wednesdays we have study's, all over our church and she must check in and out , i was told they know i know better, to keep my distance , but they keep her on the leash , so she will not come to me ,do you see hope some do the serious smart ones do , but the folk's who are just find another wife , dump her ??
one pastor says one to two years ,, and so I don't know about two years, I Hosea (old testament) God tells him to go back to his wife even though she was unfaithful, but what do I do ,,will she see , or once the court is out of the picture ,, My lawyer says we file for divorce to make her sign off on my house, and move on , do I shake her off , God says be faithful but once if I do file what do you think her response will be ??
but because of her impulsive ways , once this ends the court stuff , will she try to draw me in, or stay angry,, for me to sell my house she has to sign off and a divorce can force her and she will get less money, or once she see's i am leaving will say what ,, i understand you are not a fortune teller but her spin cycle is on, her to panic seeking another court order to keep me here,
ok because if i file it will be soon ,,because of the house selling, I know what the bible says about who files first is sin, but she is trying to tie my hands ,and
i am in a hard place , should i wait , a little and see what she does, not sure ,
Ok that I will do tomorrow, I will just have to for my sanity I love her, but I got to do something, to cause and affect , so I guess sooner than later, my pastor may not be to happy , but I have to do this, well I have to get ready for church ,,just a thought do you think she will divorce papers for me tomorrow, but I must go soon
Thank you Doc,, God bless I will keep you up to speed, Paul T
Dr z, well court went really good/odd ,I had her served my divorce papers before we started , and she let her lawyer go, she was going to represent her self, and she panicked,and my lawyer said and was going to be given two hours that morning, and to go and she said she was ready to go, ,, and then she rehired her lawyer, right away, and now its and scramble, now we may be talking dropping the order, and negotiate a divorce,and etc. ???
the judge never saw her, by then her lawyer and my lawyer ,agreed to extend the TRO for 10 days , to negotiate divorce conduct , for us because she finally got the judge was not going to allow non family law items on the order, like broker things , so i kind of shut her down and the doing the divorce was hateful, ti do i am still ashamed, but it shut her down , you see its all about the money, so do you think she will retaliate,once more or being cheap, play nice because she knows if i play hard ball it costes more ???
how do you think she will retaliate, now shes done about it all, how do i tell if she wants help, or manipulate me, and i ca and will be there, but if nothing else i want to have a peace treaty ,and how do i tell if shes honest ???
well most people know shes going around say look hes divorcing, me and there saying is not that what you wanted and he gave it you, so what can she do most of our friends know me , the pastor says i pulled the carpet out from under her and he feel's i did right, but, now we have to do this peace agreement in less that 10 days or my lawyer will be even more ready for his two hour defense,and her lawyer i does not want to go toe to toe, so if she agrees to a peace treaty, well she use it to just behave , or what ?
im sorry that's , kind of is a bummer, so you don't think, because if she cant behave nice, than its ugly divorce time and I have my lawyer go for the maximum , go for all he can get, ,, or she,s be manipulative to get what she wants in her past this has been her way?
Im still working on the other, , but i will look into it, I guess I will be ready for the worst. I was kind of hoping we could behave ,and least part as friends as she has wanted before, is that now dead, because i do not want to , but i can be a real hard nosed person ,and take all the money she owes me and really make it hurt, do you is thinking this because she has stated i am going to do this, that she might do the opposite?
ok Doc bed time ,,I will let you later ,,thank you,,good night sir ,,thank you Doc god bless ,,, pt
Good Morning Dr Z , well its been a little over two weeks and there has been many twists and turns, I am still on the TRO, and another extension because of the system , last Saturday my wife out of the blue goes to church but not to go church but to seek out one of one of my friends, to return a old sprayer ,to him ,she tells him at 530pm that she needs to talk to him , they go around in the church golf cart picking up traffic cones , and telling him she left the house open unlocked ,garage open ,and things all over the yard she was having a yard sale, and to tell me she was not selling any thing of mine ,,,then she goes on and on how shes so very lonely, and she wishes this had not happen ?? with her head hung down, she never leaves the house open , not even to go next door, I was expecting her to change her mind on court ,
and in court her lawyer was a shark but I refused to back up instead I was strong and as polity assertive as she attacked , my wife was on the stand for almost 2 hours, very disorganized with all kinds of notes she kept loosing, and when was told that's all she kept talking , and you could see her loss on her face, but when it was my turn
I had 35 min , and I came up no notes, just me all squared away, I will get more time next Monday, but my lawyer says in my 30 min , I had much much more credibility than her , if I can do this Monday again , you I gave good concise answers and no hymns and haws, and , so I am told this is good for me because this is what the court wants, and then after my lawyer and I am talking to our self's and her lawyer comes up and starts just talking , i was not told to go so I did not ,, she goes on right after this they are dropping her for any further actions meaning the divorce , and such , her lawyer said shes just to hard to to deal with and does not know what she wants, so they are done with her ,, and out here it gets around fast when you a difficult client no one want you, so what next ??
after the TRO case they are dropping her, whats interesting is Saturday night service she gave the pastor she deceived so much , something to give me, something of my late son's, a blanket, one we had in our dog box . it was folded washed , no dog Oder, and fixed up, this puzzles me ,this is not something I expected my thoughts are thinking because of my divorce papers are making her have second thoughts , this is the second week in a row she's made connections on how I am ,and something returned to me. I don't get this ??
the blanket was not just any blanket but his favorite one a spider man one ,,but I was the one who dropped the divorce papers ,,because of her attacks so next Monday I hope the TRO will be dismissed, and we can talk but am told we are now stuck in the league loop because of how the system is ,,and now it has to go all the way for the TRO, the divorce is a separate issue ,,
Should I expect more third party contact seeing as she can not contact directly ,, or try to do it in person out of desperation ,I do not think so because it put her in danger, but the way she is nonthinking reaction's I was told to stay off my radio ham stuff to make her more Hungary, for me, sort of but is still not wanting to sing off on my house , is there something to that too,
you know what's funny when she showed up in court ,she was dressed really pretty like her like to look not an angry woman' but like we going on a date, but she still trying for a permanent restraining order, im not sure if that from her or her lawyer, as just another kill as it were,
Ok Doc, I think I got the picture for now ,,and I will let you go for now ,,I was trying to just rest, but your comment about her using the blanket to remind me of my losses , and (e.g.) her also .. is interesting, like help me stop this . but i can not, this must wait for Monday to go away, p. s. I 've read both of the books , boy its a lot of stuff,, thank you DOC God bless , I will let you know Paul
Good morning Doc,Z,, well my wife is doing more normal stuff , is all our pastor can figure out, Oct 15 tax day ,,I called our CPA on the 14 Th ,and he at first she was going to file separate ,last Wednesday, ,but it became to hard, but she stopped, he and I spoke Monday ,he spoke about having me go separate ,he said if he could get a waiver signed by her, we he could, ,then he says let him make some phone calls, I had no idea the CPA called my i did not ask him me offered, her answer was yes, and as a matter a fact we should file together ,we always come out better, and we do better together and he said she sounded HAPPY, to do this like the old days ,
like I but a spark in her like I used to, so his response was happy he has known us 4 years ,and he said she was , and he said call him Tuesday, so OK,
i called him, by 3:00 pm she had it done ,and sent to him ,and e mail and fax its done, as the CPA spoke after she wants me to get my half of the tax return because its community property, she has never said or admitted this, now she told him all of our money is community property, even in the past, and she said we always did better when we had our money together and shared costs .
This is why she did not divorce me before she would have to divide in half every thing ,,its OK money is her thing , loving her is mine, but her saying we always did better together ,, is she coming back and realizing what happen, ???
Her comments to him the CPA that all our monies are community property and that 1/2 are mine, and that is why she chose not to do this before ,,because shes got to much to loose, and we saved up better, our financial lives were better ,because money is a sore spot for a lot of people at any age, . shes taking at our church financial peace class at out church and her by her self with money tight and lawyers fees .I am thinking she seen the light of day but you may be right ,,but its always been money, and OK, I think she is not going to make it mortgage and bills, and we made a good team ,,because of her hand injury she going to have trouble working , ??
Ya ! I see the blanket , as a gesture, its just our hands are kind of tied, but in the last 4 Sundays in a row she has sent some kind of a message , even if it was tell me something, and I have a funny feeling shes seeing a new lawyer like before 4 years ago ,
and she told me that she found out a lot ,,besides I have a part of her house ,,making mortgage payments, repairs , helping her in her savings, I think shes finical disaster, and she will not be able to recover , but Monday will be it my lawyer wants 2 hours to couch me on what to say to end this, because
i am getting from our friends , shes tired of this and not wishing this happened, and so do I, ???
Ok Dr Z,, I agree a little R and R ,,and we I pray this TRO ends ,and hope and faith ,love, through GOD will be there for us and a lot of patience I know i can do this thank yo again hooah m !! DOC God bless paul