How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1805
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
64783947
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

my boyfriend broke up with me because I lied about going to

Resolved Question:

my boyfriend broke up with me because I lied about going to my therapy appointment on Tuesday instead I went on Wednesday. He said he drove up to my work and saw me outside while I was suppose to be at therapy and that's how he knew I didn't go. He thinks I've lied about the going to therapy for the last month which I have not. I just rescheduled my appointment that one day. I truly feel like my therapy is only my business. Now he is calling a mutual friend of ours and saying he never drove up there he just said that to catch me in a lie and I did admit I lied. But how does catching me in a lie with lie justify his actions? Please help me understand.....so heartbroken.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

It sounds to me as if there is a lot of mistrust in this relationship and this one incident highlights it.

Coach Jen K. :

Yes therapy is your business and it can be your business, but that does not mean lying about it is the way to go.

Coach Jen K. :

it is important to look at the reasons you felt you had to lie about it to understand what is really going on for you around this. do you feel pressured to go? Is this something you don't really want you to be doing?

Coach Jen K. :

Does he intrude on that space and want to know what is going on with your therapy?

Coach Jen K. :

You are allowed to have a boundary around your personal space and you can set that boundary with him so you don't have to lie.

Coach Jen K. :

in terms of his behavior, why does he have mistrust that so much is being made about this issue?

Coach Jen K. :

He continues to intrude by calling a friend and involving others.

Coach Jen K. :

has there been cheating in this relationship?

Coach Jen K. :

getting back to the basics here in this relationship is what is important and having better communication.

Coach Jen K. :

hi. welcome. I see you are here with me.

Coach Jen K. :

Are you here with me?

Customer:

Well he is 52 and I am 33. We've been dating on and off for 5 months. He dumped the first time because I told him he made me feel like I was just sex to him. Then we got back together and when I asked how he felt about this relationship he broke up with me again. This last time we got back together he knew I had been put on Prozac for depression and had starting seeing a therapist. He would always ask me did you go to therapy? What did y'all talk about it? Did you take your medicine today. Please keep in mind that biggest issue is my self esteem. I am not bi-polar or schizophrenic. The therapist I have been seeing is named Holli so he went as far as calling my doctors office to see the last time I had been and calling to see if they had a therapist named Holli. To which they said they BECAUSE they've had so many therapist quit that they had to refer some patient out to therapist that will agree to help take on some patients till they can get us in at the office. They are not employed by my doctors office therefore they are not on the website and receptionist apparently only know they ones that are in the actual office. Now I didn't know all this because I didn't care. I had no idea Holli wasn't on the website because I honestly didn't care they referred me to her and I went. But since he wont talk to me and let me explain anything he believes Holli is fake. Even I had to call my doctors office to find out why she wasn't on the website. But as my doctor explained they are booked out 6 month on therapy appointment and people just can't wait that long. I lied to protect myself. I didn't want him to get mad for me rescheduling the appointment.

Coach Jen K. :

This sounds like a very difficult relationship for you and he breaks up with you for no reason.

Coach Jen K. :

Direct question: Why do you want to stay in this? This sounds too painful and difficult to negotiate your life.

Coach Jen K. :

he intrudes everywhere and suspects that you are always mistrustful. Dont you deserve more?

Coach Jen K. :

I hear your low self esteem but that is not a reason to stay with someone whom mistrusts you and treats you poorly

Customer:

I honestly don't know I love him and I hate the thought that he hates me. I hope I deserve more.

Customer:

But he thinks he treats me great but the problem is always me and never him

Coach Jen K. :

I understand that you feel love for him, but it is never just one person.

Coach Jen K. :

I feel sad that he has manipulated you like this and you believe him. Are you a Mom?

Customer:

and I just don't feel like me lying which was wrong over one appointment deserves all this

Customer:

I'm not a mom but I am an aunt

Coach Jen K. :

it doesnt and it just shows how out of control things are that you feel you need to lie to protect yourself from his intrusion and accusations.

Coach Jen K. :

ok and if you say your nieces or nephews being treated this way how would you feel for them?

Customer:

which he would show up to my sister house all the time when I was there visiting my nieces without calling he would just show up. I would never accept my nieces being treated this way.

Coach Jen K. :

ok so that is how you need to see things. I know your self esteem is suffering here and he does not help it.

Coach Jen K. :

I would suggest that you speak with hollie about this relationship and try and build up your self esteem to realize that this is not a healthy way of relating

Customer:

I just feel like a horrible person for on mistake. I have apt with Holli Monday even though my ex truly believes I made her up which hurts so bad who would make something like that up

Coach Jen K. :

You are taking responsibility for everything and he has helped you to do that. this is not how healthy relationships function. He has deep issues of mistrust and he is placing them on you.

Coach Jen K. :

I am glad you are seeing Hollie tomorrow. This si where your work is....why staying in something and taking resp. for everything is what you do.

Coach Jen K. :

Think of your nieces because that allows you to see it more clearly.

Customer:

I guess I just feel like I don't deserve this? I feel like I'm being attacked. Why call our mutual friend who he hasn't talked to in 6 months but I talk to daily and bad mouth me? And tell her you never drove up there. Catching a lie with a lie is no more justified.

Coach Jen K. :

I agree with you.

Customer:

Thank you for making me this a little clearer for me. I can't control his actions and I have not spoken poorly of him. Besides its probably like my dad says when you love someone really love them you work through things. You can't run away at every little thing. I truly don't think I deserve this. With continued therapy I hope I can see and truly come to believe that.

Coach Jen K. :

I am so happy to see what you have just written. That is the thinking that will help you. You deserve to be treated well and without this mistrust that has nothing to do with you.

Coach Jen K. :

Come to me anytime you need.

Coach Jen K. :

Can I support you further now?

Customer:

Thank you so much. I am so glad y'all are here for us. Please know your service matter.

Customer:

have a wonderful day and thanks again. I think he is putting his own trust issues off on me as well and its nice to know Im not alone in that feeling

Coach Jen K. :

Thank you for that lovely compliment. If you need me again put for CoachJenK only at the beginning of your question.

Coach Jen K. :

Please take a moment to offer a rating of my work.

Customer:

will do thank you and I will do the rating

Coach Jen K. :

i agree with what you just said. great work.

Customer:

thanks

Coach Jen K. :

have a wonderful day

Customer:

you to

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1805
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
Social Worker, Professional Coach
647 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach