Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am sorry that your daughter is exhibiting these symptoms, I can imagine how distressing this is for you.
May I ask you a couple questions to get some more information, so I can give you the best answer.
You mentioned that your daughter had a few sessions with a therapist, when was her last session with a therapist?
Also does she use any psychotropic medications for her depression and anxiety at all?
her several sessions were 3 years ago. They were related to her sexual orientation change. When she chan
her first copycat behavier was that I notice was when she broke up with her boy friend
and desided to take a break from her work and do the road trip and find the job in New Orleans
she told me that she need some time to find out what she wants to do in her life. She worked very hard before her trip and decision and got accepted to PD program
she graduated from UC berkeley with 2 major : Statistics and COgnitive since
Well the copycat behavior that you mentioned is usually a sign of low self-confidence, associated with depression typically, and she is copying others that she looks up to and envies to model their behavior and be like them. Basically she has no confidence in her own abilities or characteristics
I think she overworked and got depression
That is very impressive of her college degrees
it looks exactly like this
she leaved in New orlean with a lesbian roommate and told me in 6 month that she is gay as well
and got herself belive in this - but I knew that she didn't have any pattern for being gay
then she was with a man that had a lot of tattues and got a tatoo on her chest
next she was with an other man and got married him because he needed it
and copied a lot of his behavier
So her depression definitely caused her low self-esteem and this caused her to be what she felt other wanted her to be. This would explain her pattern of behavior. If she was what other wanted her to be then they would like her and accept her. She was not confident that they would like and accept her as she is normally.
now she is in Russia met my nefew who manipulate her and she behave exactily like him
who wants marry her and get her working for him. She told me that she doesn't want me to meet her
until he allows her
She didn't take any medication
only supplimental like St. John worth if I spelled it correctly
Well she would have to go back into therapy or she can try her self-help therapy in the form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which can be very effective in helping increase her self-confidence and lowering her symptoms of depression
St. Johns Wort is a good supplement for depression, but she does need therapy to help cure it
How can I convince her that she needs a treatment?
I would like to recommend these two books for your daughter that are very effective in helping with depression
THanks but she would not read
Well it would be hard to convince her, she would have to go willingly. But you can tell her that you believe she still may have some confidence issues and that talking to a therapist may help.
I already provided her Danial Aman books
Why would she not read them?
and she didn't read. I think she lost some ability to be focused and losing her intelegence.
Yeah Daniel Aman is not that reliable actually and his neuroimaging clinics are facing shutdown and sanctions by the FDA, so I would not use those books by him
The books I recommended actually have step-by-step techniques which are effective and CBT is the most evidence based therapy in the world
ok - the reason she didn't read is that she is in Denial
she only once in New Orleans was accepting her pure state
she called me and told that she might have Bipolar
Being in denial will make it difficult for her then, because like I said she cannot be forced into therapy or forced to use therapeutic techniques.
Well if she believes that she may have Bipolar disorder, would she be open to prescription medication?
What can I do to help her? It is very hard to see that she is changing so much
I don't think so. Later she told me that may be she was wrong on saying this.
at that time she was really all in gay mood
All you can do is support her and make suggestions for her, but ultimately she will have to make the final choice and voluntarily seek help. I would keep getting her the books and sending him to her, and it will be her choice if she wants to read them, but at least she has them
and was saying that she is a "Boy"
and even thinking of making the plastic operation
now she is not looking into it since she has been copiyng my nefew
Well she definitely has low self-confidence and identity issues. Well with that gender reassignment surgery she would be required to see a therapist for a certain amount of time, so that can help her at least
who wants to marry her to come to US
she is not thinking about gender reassignment anymore
she leaves with my brother's son
who wants to marry her. My brother past away 15 years ago.
Okay, well she sounds like she is definitely confused about her identity. You can try convincing her to go to a life coach, not necessarily a therapist, to help with her identity and give her direction in life.
So he cannot help me. My nefew doesn't work but he is pretty manipulative and wants to take advantage of her
It sounds like your nephew is taking advantage of her and it is easy to take advantage of someone who has low self-esteem
now her coach is my nefew who is 6 month older than her. He was showing her the respect" and tells her a lot of chearful things which is good
but I know him well enough and had some emails with him where it is very clear that he has some special interest in getting moneys
and getting into US
So he is manipulating and using her, which is not good for your daughter
Now when I want meet them they are refusing to meet me
I know. I just need a help on how I can find a way to help her
i know and he has support from his mom and sister who had a lot of issue with him and now are glad that he has my dauter who has a good 'records"
I know it is difficult to see your daughter like this and that you feel helpless because you cannot help her, but your daughter is at an age where she has to help herself now. You can provide all the support that she needs, but it is up to her if she want to seek help, no one can force her
she told me that she will seize any communications with us for 6 years
If you push her though, it will just cause her to be more resistant, so your daughter will have to go to you
This is her being resistant to you and your help, I think your daughter will have to make a few mistakes along the way on her own, until she realizes that she needs help.
if we don't accept him. But I cannot accept him = I don't think it is a right message for her
DO you think that I should stay on my moral and not accept my nefew
You do not have to accept him. You can tell her that you think this is not good for her, but that you know you cannot convince her, you just hope that she makes the right decision.
This way you are still stating your preference, but giving her the choice.
I did the same on "gay" thing since I knew for sure it was not what she thought at that time
I told this to her
my fear is that she can repeat the history of my brother
who was "A" student and had a very successful businessman
he cheated a lot but my nefew mom accepted it since he provided a lot of wealth at that time
I think if you demand that she not do anything with nephew it will just push her away. State that you think this is not right, but say that the decision is up to her. Also you have to say that when she thinks she needs help with anything that she can come to you
when he got into the trouble she left him to die
I am sorry about your brother, that must have been hard for you
DO I need to tell her the true story of how my brother died
I do not think it will make a difference for her, but you can try
I didn't telll it to her of my nefew before since I didn't them being hurt
do you think it make sence"
I understand, but she may think you have an ulterior motive of telling her now and that can cause resentment and resistance by her
My nefew sent me a lot of "F" words in email
Wow, that is pretty rude of him
when I told him what I wish he will be and not be.
Yes and I didn't forward this email to her because I didn't want her to get unstable
Well I think you should definitely limit your conversations just with your daughter after that email
yes and I don't know if I should forward it to her
The issue is that she is using his email now when she communicate to me
You can forward it to her and just ask her to tell him to be more respectful to you. You do not have to say anything else, but she should see this email
Oh, then he is definitely controlling her, then do not send the email
Initially I was not sure if it was him writing all this recent emails and I used her email to reply
yes and I am just got confused completely what to do now
what will help me to help her and what make it worth
Well right now, I would not forward the email and just respond to your daughter's email
i do respond to my daughter's email but the reply to my email is coming from his email
Right now your daughter can only help herself. this means she will have to make her own mistakes and learn from them unfortunately.
it like the game they are playing
If she chooses not to help herself, then that is her choice and there is nothing you can do stop her from making this choice.
do i need just stop all conversation with her?
as she asked or accept their demand which is "ASK to forgive me"
You do not have to stop conversation with her at all, but you do not have to support her decisions either. You can say that you will always love her, but that you think she is making a mistake.
Although you know that the decision is up to her in the end
yes. I think accepting their demand provide her with wrong Message and can lead to the wrong directions.......
Yes you can say that you do not think she is making a good decision, but acknowledge that the decision is hers
i just really worry about her and her ability to sort the things out
i am aksing to meet with me for 3 reasons
I know you do, but your daughter is an adult and will have to make some mistakes in life so she can learn from them
discuss her decision of stopping contact with us for 6year, I have her car that need to be transrered to me so I can fix it and 3d one I miss her
and they are bargining with me now
and don't want to meet. I am narrowed down to the famili business of signing the transfer forms
Just tell her that you do not want to stop talking with her for 6 years and that you will not push her about her decisions anymore and let her make her own decision, but that you will be there if she needs any advice or support.
For the car, you can ask her about it and see when she wants to sign it over, that is more of a business thing though
she tells me that she doesn't have time for this
Well I think she is just mad at you and that is why she said that. If you say the part that you will respect her decisions, not always agree with them, but respect that they are her decisions, then she may be more receptive about the car
and when I say her that it takes minimal time and I need her support she doesn't hear me and show disrespect
my problem is that I don't respect this decision
You do not have to respect the decision, but you can respect that it is her decision to make
and I think that when I say I respect her decision they will interprete that I accept my nefew which I cannot. Should I lie for the sake of my daughter health?
No you should not lie and just say that you respect that it is her decision to make, but that you not agree with the decision.
But just leave it at that unless she asks for more reason why
So the key is that I should show her respect
Yes show her respect, that will help your relationship
right? doesn't matter what decision she takes.
From what it sounds like, she will not make the right decision, but she will have to learn from these mistakes.
but if she her decision are harmful to her.. I really will lie if I will tell that I respect her making that decision
is it a right thing to do?
Will it help her?
No you are not lying, you are saying that you respect her ability to make a decision about her own life, but that you may not agree with that decision. This is a sign of respect not agreement with the decision
ok - it is a better wording that I can use
although I really don't think that she has this ability
what should i do with my nefew ?
There is not much you can do to help your daughter right now because she will not listen and she will not seek help, so the best thing you can do is to just tell her that you respect her decision, but not necessarily agree with it.
I would try to ignore the nephew for as long as possible, just concentrate on your daughter.
but he is conrtrolling her
She is letting him control her. Once again your daughter has to help herself, you cannot influence this or she will just push you away
The best thing for you to do is not get that involved, unless your daughter involves you
my daugher is not taking much... I will try your advise so you advise to show her "RESPECT" this is the key
ok - it is hard.. especially when she already did several rounds
I know its hard, but your daughter has to do this on her own, or she will push you out of her life for a long time
and you do not want that
my issue is that I start feeling less for her seeing what kind of person she is becoming
I know you do and I know its hard, but this is the best plan
sometimes i feel that i don't want to her and she doesn't deserve
ok - last question
if you can answer.
Sure, but we may to have to wrap it up quickly because we have been on for over an hour
I aksed in my email : "are you afraid of meeting with me"
What is your question
and she answered "NO. I meet with you if my older brother allow me this meeting. you hurt his mom and grandma"
how should I reply?
Well she is trying to dictate terms with you and that shows you no respect, so say that you will promise not bring up any of her bad decisions, but that you want to see her 1 on 1.
and if she refuse then i just accept it
right and not meet with her , right" I can try to get her address from other source and still meet with her
but i don't think it will help
what do you think?
No I would not go to her address uninvited, but say that you are her mother and that you deserve this respect to meet her 1 on 1, if she does not agree, then try to make a reasonable compromise that both of you can agree on.
I tried this and got this answer
does it mean that i don't have any choice expept let it go as is
Well sure let it go as is because you do really want to see her
meaning that I cannot see her during my trip to Russia since her oldest brother doesn't wish it
since he afraid i can help her
is it what I should do? I am not clear:( I want to see her during this visit since I think it is my chance to help her
I do not think you can help her and if you push trying to help her then it will just push her away because she has made it very clear that she does not think she needs help unfortunately. If you want to see her, then just follow her terms on how to see her while in Russia
ok - thanks; what would you do in this case?
see her or not see her?
given the info that I provided to you?
You can try to see her, but do not say that she is making a bad decision or that she needs therapy.
That will just push her away
so you advise to accept all conditions and see her, right?
Yes, that can show her that you are going to respect her decisions
ok - thanks. I'll think about it... I don't respect her decisions and don't want to provide the wrong message. may be i am stupid
You do not have to respect her decision, but your respect her individuality to make the decision
Best of luck to you and good night as well :)
Oh and also when you finish rating me, this chat will be sent as a link to your email, if it has not already, so you can always use it for future reference