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Hello I believe that I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your ex-boyfriend had to endure this treatment growing up and that he has been experiencing these symptoms for quite some time, I can imagine how distressing this must be for him.
I do agree that he definitely has a some severe psychological issues, I would hinder a guess at PTSD with psychotic features, and possibly a personality disorder as well.
I think you can mention to him, as a friend, was that you broke up with him because you felt that he needed to work on himself and that his past issues have caused these current symptoms to the point that he may not be ready for a relationship as this point and that you think seeing a psychologist/therapist would be beneficial for him.
You think that once he can help himself, then he can be ready for a relationship and be the supportive partner that you know he can be.
Thank you so much for your reply. I would like to add that he told me that when he was a teen he was doing drugs and doing some type of vandalism, and one day he overdosed and almost died and his parents did not even cry and were in denial. He was almost emotionally alone. It breaks my heart. And I forgot to mention that sometimes when he talked to me, if I said something like "I think what you said was rude, or what you did was rude" he would talk back to me like in a childish voice saying that "he didn't do anything wrong, and that I sounded like the police, etc" it seemed to me that he was talking to his dad, not to me, so strange. I would just back away from the convhersation at that point. Lastly, and sorry to make this so long, he likes to write and wants to become a successful writer and he said that everyday he talks using different "characters and voices" and sometimes he gets scared of himself when he does an evil character. That scared me a little.
Well the childish voice you described could be a sign of regression and dissociation. Also using the different characters and voices could also be a sign of dissociation. Dissociation is a common symptom of PTSD or Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder) when trauma occurred during childhood. Here are two links describing PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) for you
It is controversial if DID is actually a separate disorder from PTSD, but regardless he is definitely exhibiting symptoms of dissociation and possibly alternate personalities.
Ok, I will check the links out. Thank you for your support. I will contact him because he still has some stuff that belong to me and will tell him what you told me. I must say I am a little scared, but I care about him as a person, and I just hope he gets the help he needs so he can have a more healthy, happy life.
These can occur during times of stress, like when he thought you were accusing of him of being rude and he took it as a personal attack, he may have regressed back to his childhood or a child alternate personality.
That's exactly what I thought!
I couldnt' say anything remotely negative because he would go on the defense
When dissociation is present it is a difficult symptom to treat and takes a lot of intensive psychotherapy.
I mentioned that to him once, but he denied it
Well most times they do not remember dissociating, so it is no surprise that he did not remember it actually.
And that is probably why he denied it
Oh God...now I understand when he once said "I din't say that" :(
Yeah, he definitely has some deep rooted psychological issues and should see a psychologist/therapist that specializes in dissociation.
Ok. But I should not tell him something so specific because he would get defensive, right? Or should I try?
No I would not tell him anything specific, I think a mental health professional should tell him, but you can mention that you think what his parents did to him have left him psychologically scarred and that you believe it would be helpful for him to talk to a therapist about it. This way you are not blaming him, but blaming the way his parents treated him
I understand, will do.
May I contact you back in case I need it later on?
Of course, you can contact me at anytime. If you want to post a new question you can put before your question "For DoctorZ only." If you want to ask a follow up question you can do so on this chat after your rate me at no charge to you.
Wonderful. Thank you so much for your help.
Anytime, I am always happy to help. I wish you the best of luck with your ex-boyfriend. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
Ok, have a great rest of the day.
You as well, have a great rest of your weekend :)
I would like to follow up on my question from the other day. I'd like to know your opinion on the following: we ended the relationship on amicable terms (or so I thought) and my ex wanted to meet me on my daughter's birthday to give me back my clothes (of course, I think that was an excuse to see me and try to get back). He said how much he loved me, and he will always remember me, etc. Since I was still vulnerable at the time, I answered him briefly and said it would be better to hold off on meeting because he had just broken up and everything was still fresh, so it would be better to meet again when both of us are at a better place, and maybe we could later meet up, have coffee,return things and talk as good friends. He replied "ok :)". After about 10 days I felt ready to meet up, and emailed him to meet up and he never replied. So I waited till today, when I texted him telling him about the email I sent and I wasn't sure if he got it.
He replied briefly, and in a tone as if he never knew me. He said he had been busy and that we don't need to have coffee and he can come BY MY HOUSE and drop things off this week when I am back from work. To me that's a little strange, because he is mad at me, so why not meet at a neutral place to exchange things?It's like he's hurt and wants nothing to do with me, but at the same time he wants to come home when I am home. I feel a little nervous about that. I told him it's ok, and he said he may come this Thursday or Friday, he will let me know tomorrow. My question is: is it safe to let him come by my house, given the possibility that he may act in a hostile way towards me, now that we there isnothing between us, and considering that he has serious psychological issue?
Thank you so much again for answering my question. I will definitely ask a friend to come over, or if no one can, i will just see him at the door of my apartment building and keep the conversation short.
Thank you :)
Thank you, you too :)