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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4474
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My wife is a sexual addict and has severe rage and violence

Resolved Question:

My wife is a sexual addict and has severe rage and violence issues. Recently I found out she made out with another man. This is the second time. I told her that I am not going to have sex with her if she is going to continue to do this with other men. I cannot force her to be faithful, but I do not have to share. She had previously been telling me she wanted me to allow her to have another guy on the side. When I told her I would not have sex with her while she was doing this, she told me she wants a divorce. Since then I have gotten her to put off divorce in favor of getting psychiatric help for us both. once we have both gotten some help we will see if our marriage can be salvaged. She is not particularly interested in saving it right this second, but she often changes her mind when given good advice and I am hoping with some help she will come back around. I say all of this because I need advice on how I can find psychiatric help. She is Native American and has access to a mental health service they provide. I do not, neither do I have anywhere near the kind of money I think a professional is going to charge. She will not stick to the agreement if I do not get help also. I plan to try to ask her person if they will see me too because we are married and our problems are interlinked, but I don't know if they will go for that since I don't have a roll card. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

Dr. Z. :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z. :

I am so sorry that you are going through this with your wife, i can imagine how distressing this is for you

Dr. Z. :

It is good that you are trying to get her psychiatric help for her sexual addiction, as this type of addiction can be harmful to any relationship.

Dr. Z. :

Most Native American mental health care facilities will allow you to join in for couples counseling if that is an option.

Customer:

I should have long ago. It may be too late now

Customer:

fantastic

Dr. Z. :

It may not be too late as well

Dr. Z. :

But also if you cannot join in on the couples counseling, many therapists work on a sliding scale where they will lower their fees for individuals with low income, so that can be an option as well

Dr. Z. :

I can look in your area for therapists that work on a sliding scale if you like?

Customer:

I do not know if she will accept couples counseling in place of psychiatric help, but I plan to try to go with her and ask on her first trip.

Customer:

and yes, if you have access to information like that I would appreciate that

Dr. Z. :

That is good, I definitely suggest that you at least ask her if couples counseling can be an option. Can I have your zip code to look in your area please?

Customer:

74831

Dr. Z. :

Okay give me a few minutes to compile a list for you

Customer:

we were going to try to get counseling again after we had talked to professionals seperately

Customer:

but i would prefer if the counseling occurred at the same time

Dr. Z. :

So you would prefer couple's counseling is that what you are saying?

Dr. Z. :

That is where you both go as a couple to the counseling session

Customer:

No her compulsions are in need of full psychiatric attention, I am not convinced mine are, but she insists I see someone if she does. I would like for both to occur, counseling as a couple and psychiatric help for our issues

Customer:

I think the native american mental health clinic will do counseling and get her a psychitrist, i just dont think they will see me alone

Dr. Z. :

Well only around 25 percent of psychiatrists provide therapy as well as medication management these days, so most people see a therapist and a psychiatrist or primary care physician for medication management.

Dr. Z. :

They may not see you alone, that is a true. They would see you for couples counseling, but not usually for individual counseling or medication management.

Customer:

I suspected as much, I had hoped the same person would talk to us both, but I am here because I doubt that will happen

Customer:

I may ask if the same person that sees her for free might see me for pay.

Customer:

Do you think that is a good way to go about it?

Dr. Z. :

That is a possibility, but usually the same therapist would not see two patients individually that are marred to each other as that can be a cause a conflict and put the therapist in a dual role.

Customer:

ah, i see

Dr. Z. :

You can ask if another therapist was willing to see separately at the treatment center

Dr. Z. :

And that you would be willing to pay

Customer:

I will

Customer:

but they may want an amount of money that I dont have.

Dr. Z. :

That is true, I compiling a list right now that provide sliding scale fees in your area, I am just trying to find one more therapist in your area, but you are in a rural area

Customer:

Which is back to why I am here lookign for viable alternatives, in case things dont work out. That and having someone knowledgeable to bounce these ideas at and help me arrive at the right direction to take

Customer:

Yes I am.

Dr. Z. :

No problem, that is why I am here. I want to help. Yeah the difficulty with rural areas is that they often do not have sliding scale policies because they do not see that many clientele.

Customer:

The Native American hospital is 40 miles from where we live.

Customer:

That makes sense

Customer:

I could try to come up with zip codes from surrounding areas if that would help

Customer:

or a zip code for the town her doctor will be in

Dr. Z. :

Well so far I have these two therapists here that provide sliding scale fees and also specialize in relationship issues

Dr. Z. :

I think they are both in the Norman area

Customer:

lol, if the prices listed are the top and bottom of the scale, then I am in trouble

Dr. Z. :

No not necessarily, sliding scale policies are usually not posted so they can be lower for you

Customer:

ah ok

Dr. Z. :

But have you tried e-therapy, where you would use chat, phone, or video chat for therapy

Dr. Z. :

They are usually cheaper and I can provide a website of a good therapist that can provide this for you

Customer:

no i was hoping something like that existed, but I doubt she would take it seriously

Dr. Z. :

Well it is by a licensed therapist

Customer:

please do, i will definitely see if she will accept it

Dr. Z. :

Sure I will give you a couple websites

Customer:

She often judges things based on its appearance or perception and not necessarily on its merits.

Customer:

the town she will be going to therapy at is ada and the zip there is 74820

Dr. Z. :

So here is one therapist that I know and his fees seem reasonable to me, here is a link to his fees for online sessions

Dr. Z. :

Also this website has a slew of therapists to choose from as well

Customer:

although i guess now that you have linked tthose other 2 folks, I could just use the search function to check in that area lol

Dr. Z. :

That is true, you can do that if you like. I was most looking for a therapist that I felt fit your needs based on their description of services offered and the type of therapy they offered

Dr. Z. :

This therapist in your area also provides sliding scale fees and has a specialty in relationship issues too

Customer:

ah sorry, i was checking out those last 2 links

Dr. Z. :

No worries, take your time

Customer:

Thank you

Customer:

looks like a lot of these guys are based out of Norman or OU. That isnt too surprising

Dr. Z. :

Yeah, those seem to be the closest ones in your area

Dr. Z. :

I used to live in a pretty rural area in Kansas, so this is how it goes sometimes

Customer:

some of those online or over the phone ones seemed fairly reasonable. If the clinic wont take me and she will accept it, then that may be the best route to take.

Dr. Z. :

E-therapy is having more and more of an impact in rural areas as well as in the international community where psychotherapy is not readily available, so I think it would be a good option for you.

Customer:

although if she accepted that, then talking to someone here might work also

Dr. Z. :

That is true, it seems like you have at least some options to explore, which is good

Customer:

It seems like i am misusing this site. lol

Customer:

but I appreciate your help anyway

Dr. Z. :

How so? I do not think you are misusing the site

Customer:

Yes, it does seem like I have some decent options to look at

Customer:

Oh, I am seeking financial/directional advice rather than psychiatric assistance

Customer:

which seems to be the primary purpose

Dr. Z. :

Its okay, I am happy to help and give you different options for therapy

Customer:

I am happy to have some options

Dr. Z. :

Many individuals come on this website asking for options that they did not know they had available to them

Customer:

Oh good

Dr. Z. :

Is there anything else I can do to assist you tonight?

Customer:

hmm

Customer:

over the last 2 days i have had serious trouble breathing when i got really stressed out

Customer:

is that normal?

Customer:

it felt like someone was stepping on my chest

Customer:

I have never had something like that happen even in Marine Cops boot camp

Customer:

Corps*

Dr. Z. :

Yes it is normal, what you are describing are panic attacks actually. There are a few good relaxation techniques I can provide that can help with that

Customer:

please do

Customer:

I have been just askign people to forgive me while i try to walk it off

Customer:

put my hands over my head and focus on breathing

Dr. Z. :

Its okay, you should not to have to apologize, around 50-60 percent of people get panic attacks in their lifetime. This is a link for something called Progressive Muscle Relaxation that can help you create a long term calm by using muscle tension and release techniques.

Customer:

it is fantastically unhelpful to have this happen when I am trying to convince my wife not to discard our marriage

Dr. Z. :

And also these relaxation techniques are very effective as well

Customer:

Thank you

Dr. Z. :

Anytime, is there anything else?

Dr. Z. :

Also a therapist that you choose to see can help with your panic attacks as well

Customer:

I guess thats all i have now

Customer:

oh

Dr. Z. :

Well I want to wish you the best of luck with your wife and I hope her treatment is a success. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

if i use one of those online therapists and they determine i need to be medicated or some thing else woud they refer me out or do they have a way to see that I get access to whatever i would need?

Customer:

And thank you for all your help. I would definitely talk to you again if i had more questions. I am not sure how to coax this website into getting me back to yu, but I would if I did

Dr. Z. :

Probably not, but most of them would tell you to see a primary care physician first for your symptoms if you need medication

Customer:

ah, ok

Dr. Z. :

If you want to get back to me to ask another question all you have to do is put "For DoctorZ only" before your question

Customer:

oh, that is easy

Customer:

thank you

Dr. Z. :

Anytime, I am happy to help. Best of luck to you :)

Customer:

Alright so now i need to click on the smiley face right?

Dr. Z. :

That would be much appreciated, thank you :)

Customer:

lol ok

Customer:

can i save this chat and give the smiley face?

Customer:

they both seem to be separate exits

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4474
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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