Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very painful,overwhelming situation you have been facing.
It is very sad since it shows how much you have tried to make it work, while on the other hand he has systematically betrayed your love and trust. This is not about an isolated episode, but a chronic issue that deeply undermined and led to the end of your relationship.
Based on your story he seems to have what is known as love addiction, since it's been about several women during these two years that you have been together. There was no assertive way to cope with it but by setting boundaries and you did each time, but then you got back into his manipulation and allowed him to get back just to keep doing the same thing over again, which was obviously neglectful ad abusive. Nobody in your shoes deserves to be betrayed the way he did.
It seems obvious to me that he has several serious issues he needs to work on with professional psychological support, otherwise the tendency would be for him to get worse with time. Addiction just do not disappear, they are chronic mental disorders and illnesses, but rehabilitation is possible, it would take long term hard work, commitment to therapy and a healthy support system.
His concrete behavior is showing you this overwhelmingly painful reality, and I am afraid that pushing him in any way would not help you to process this loss, not to heal from it, but to expose to further manipulation, neglect and abuse.
You need to focus on taking good care of yourself, specially because you cannot afford feeling this way for days, weeks or months, depending on him changing his mind, since you do not know if that would happen, and even in case he decides to get back, it would not mean the core chronic issues would disappear, since that could only happen after he truly works on himself and his rehabilitation process, for a long period of time and with necessary support.
No problem. I do believe you love him for sure, but the help he needs must include psychotherapeutic treatment, involving both individual and group therapy, and for that to happen and work, he needs to start by being truly honest and fully accountable for his own choices and actions, and he's not being doing that at all for the past years.
The bets way you could support this person is by end any form of pushing, giving him the time and space he needs to work on himself. That would not ensure he would do it, but that is something that does not depend on you but exclusively on him.
I do hope that could become reality too, and it will depend on him working on his rehabilitation first, since that is the requirement that would allow him to take good care of himself, and from there of his relationship and life as a whole.
Absolutely, that's the wisest approach anybody in your shoes could have.
If he does not see and take it, it'd show you he does not deserve you and needs to truly work on himself first. If he does not want his life deeply undermined by these serious issues-addictions, he would have to take responsibility and start his rehabilitation process right away. Thank you for beg this honest here, and for trusting me.