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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4882
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Hi, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I need help. I have 18 months old son

Resolved Question:

Hi, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I need help. I have 18 months old son and i live with my boyfriend 5 1/2 years. It's been almost a year that we are having problems between each other. My boyfriend stop appreciate's me. He doesnt talk to me, only I know is daily rutine. he doesnt go anywere with me. If he goes he humiliate me. My confidence is so low. I feel really sad and I dont know what to do. Isit just because I am stay home mom? It's really hard. And he thinks he is not doing anything wrong. I can't even talk to him. Every time I see him I feel fool of hate. I do yoga a meditations but its not helping. What should I do? Thank you
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 11 months ago.

Dr. Z. :

Hello Hana, I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z. :

I am so sorry that your boyfriend is treating you this way, I can imagine that this must really hurt you to be treated in this way.

Dr. Z. :

I would like to ask you a few questions, so I can get some more information and give you the best answer

Customer:

Hello Dr. Z thank you

Dr. Z. :

Did anything happen to precipitate this behavior change by your boyfriend (e.g. more stress at work, finances, etc...)?

Dr. Z. :

And has he ever treated you like this before in your 5.5 year relationship?

Customer:

No I dont think so, he has good job, I dont spent a lot money, I am not shop girl.

Dr. Z. :

And how does he treat your son and behave with him?

Customer:

well , in the begining he had best friend a girl. And I didn t like it. Nothing happend between them. Just he cares about others more than me. He doesnt mind tell me NO but for others he can do anything. And aslo he think that his way is the best. So we argue over and over

Dr. Z. :

Does your boyfriend ever overstate or exaggerate his achievements at all? And because you say that he believes his was is usually best, XXXXX XXXXX also believe that he is better than others?

Customer:

Its hard for me to talk about that online but I just wanted to try. What I know I have to find more confidence about myself. Sometimes I think its my fault because I let him to do that. My friend told me that I am too nice.

Customer:

yes sometimes he talks about his coworkers how they do their job. If I do my way is not good

Dr. Z. :

I understand that this is difficult for you, I was just trying to gauge him a bit. I think he may have some narcissistic tendencies and this can be why he behaves the way he does, which can be a problem. Here is a good link explaining the symptoms of this level of narcissism that he may or may not exhibit.

Dr. Z. :

So you would like to gain more confidence and be assertive, I definitely think that will be very helpful for you and I can help you with that as well.

Dr. Z. :

So there are some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques that can help you. CBT's premise is that our behavior is caused by negative thoughts, so what we have to do is change this negative thought process to one that is more positive and objective as well.

Dr. Z. :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Dr. Z. :

In addition, this positive belief worksheet can help you replace your self-critical beliefs with more positive self-beliefs

Customer:

most of this sypmtoms its tru

Dr. Z. :

And lastly, you mentioned that you may be passive when it comes to his behavior, so it would be good to express anger and frustration in an assertive manner

Dr. Z. :

Well if he truly has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), then this can pose problems in your relationship as only intensive psychotherapy can really treat this disorder and even then the success rate is not high because individuals with this disorder do not believe in treatment and are not motivated to get better

Dr. Z. :

This book can help you understand his behavior more.

Customer:

thank you its look good

Customer:

ok thank you i will reed everthing

Customer:

but can you tellm your opinion?

Dr. Z. :

Also these two books can help you by the way

Dr. Z. :

What do you mean tell your opinion?

Dr. Z. :

This book as well before I forget

Dr. Z. :

My opinion about what exactly? I have mentioned a lot of different things so far

Customer:

I meant if you think we can working on that and be together?

Customer:

ok thank you

Dr. Z. :

I think if he does have NPD, then he will need to go to intensive therapy and if he is motivated to get better and change his ways, then I think you have a strong chance at a successful relationship

Dr. Z. :

Couples therapy will help because it can keep him accountable if he truly values his relationship with you

Customer:

I wanted go there but i dont know why I canceled that. Maybe because I beleived we can fixit

Customer:

without therapy

Dr. Z. :

Couples therapy can be helpful, maybe if your husband hears from an objective voice (e.g. therapist) how he is treating you, it will cause him to listen and hopefully promote change.

Customer:

many times I wanted to leave him but we have a son and he loves very much. But sit every night by myself its hard. I will read all those info you sent me and I hope we will get better and stronger.

Dr. Z. :

I hope so to, but in case you do decide to break up with him in the future, this book can help you with that because individuals with NPD do not take rejection very well.

Dr. Z. :

Is there anything else I can assist you with tonight?

Customer:

no thank you very much for your help and time. Good night

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4882
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
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