Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your husband has been having an emotional affair with this woman, I can imagine how distressing this must be for you
First off I agree with you and I definitely think couple's counseling is a great idea, because I do not believe that he understands how this affair makes you feel and an objective voice (therapist) can help him better understand this.
Also I would question why he changed all of this passwords on his computer and iPad because transparency is important when someone has had an emotional affair.
While I understand why he is concerned for her (e.g. her instability and mental health issues), it is no excuse for having an emotional affair
At the moment I don't believe he will attend counseling. I think I should start myself and then if the counselor asks me to ask him to attend, I can approach it again. Like many people, primarily men, he does not believe he needs help. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is he wants me to continue to accept her in his business and business life and I just have to accommodate that. I have asked him to remove her and he says he is working in that direction, namely sending her to work in his other office (another city about 90 min from us) and I told him she should be gone entirely. She should get another job. He said what's to stop her/them from continuing even then. wouldn't I rather have her around so I can be observant? So you would recommend at least counseling for me?
Actually yes, counseling for you can be really valuable. Also typically when one spouse goes to counseling for couple's issues, the other spouse will get curious and want to go himself, so your husband may ask to attend at one point. I think he is doing the right thing by sending her away, but you are right she should be fired or at least encouraged to secure another job and then when she does, she can be let go from her employment at your business. Many men do not understand emotional affairs and believe it is not cheating because there is not physical intimacy, but in reality this is a form of cheating and a counselor can help him understand this.
Here are a couple good books on the subject as well
You can also help him emphasize with what you are going through by asking him, that if you had a physical affair with another man, how would that make him feel? This can lead to a discussion on how it makes you feel and what you are so hurt by this.
In addition, counseling can help him tell his side of the story as well to the therapist, and I think that is something he would like. You can try pushing him in the direction by saying if he is so right about what he is doing with her and this emotional affair then an objective opinion from a therapist will agree with him
Also I can help you find a good relationship therapist in your area if you like? I just need your zip code to look for you
Are you still there?
Hello. Sorry for the delay; work! yes I would like a recommendation - 80498 or 80435 or 80443
No worries, I understand. Give me a few minutes to compile a list for you in your area.
I should add that I DID have a physical affair 30 years ago. lasted 3 weeks and he knows about it. forgave me after we went to a Marriage Encounter weekend
Okay, well you can remind him about that and say that how he felt at that time 30 years ago when you had a physical affair is how you feel now with the emotional affair he is having. He may be able to relate to this, since he experienced it before
So I believe that these therapists are ideal as they specialize in relationship issues, couples counseling, and are in your area
I unfortunately could only find one male therapist with this specialty in your area, as I imagine your husband may be more open to a male therapist.
I agree. I will try Dr. Mahler