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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am thinking of asking my huband for a trail seperation (again).

Customer Question

I am thinking of asking my huband for a trail seperation (again). I asked about 2 years ago but caved because he got so emotional (crying) saying it was his fault that I was not happy and he did not want to leave the kids (said this over and over again). So, we went to couseling, again. Things were OK for about 3 months then back to the old ways again. I feel like he is my kid not my husband. We are never on the dame page with anything, household wise, children wise. He is a very messy person and does not take pride in the way he looks or how our house is. This adds to my stress level. I work full time, I am the one who takes care of the kids. Weekends and weeknights. God forbid if he gives my son a bath or tucks my 8 year old daughter or 4 year old son in at night or read him a book. He does do stuff with the kids now and then, but if he is not in the mood to "deal" with them, he gets really mad and yells when they just want to be with them. We always fight and sometimes just not talk. We have not been sleeping in the dame bed for about a year. We have not been intimate for about 2 months and if he even asks I always have an excuss not to do it.
How can I ask him again and not cave! I can't live like this anymore. We are not a team. We never have been. I am numb at this point.
thanks,
K
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you with this situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are in a difficult, and it seems, hopeless situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is not going to change and you seem repulsed by him at this point.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You said that you have never been a team. He is a nightmare in your life, the way you tell it, and offers nothing at all but misery for you, and for your children. His rejection of them may, in fact, be damaging.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have already had your trial separation and it didn't help. You fall for his crocodile tears but they mean nothing. They are a crock and not meaningful.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is not your kid. He is a selfish and mean man who is sucking the life out of you and leaving you emotionally numb.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This will only get worse.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I strongly urge you to see a divorce attorney to protect you and your children's financial interest and put this failed and destructive relationship to an end.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps it will help him grow up. That is not the point, however. Rather, it will help you get your life back. Being without him will be much better for you and the children. Some day, when you are well past all of this, you will meet a man who treasures you and your children, who will be there with you as a loving, caring partner and share your life, including your joys, tasks, and sorrows, and see you as one family that must strive together.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't need marriage counseling together, but you may need some support to help you get through this.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I recommend this book to you. It will help you immensely.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



I see you have left the chat. I don't know if you were expecting a miraculous answer, but getting past this failed marriage will seem like a miracle and you can start living better.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer:

Thank you Dr. Elliot,

Customer:

You hit it on the nose with him not being a grow up.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are welcome. You are such a strong and wonderful woman. Extraordinary, in fact. You need someone who is worthy of you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

May God bless you and your family.

Customer:

He always does things tha tmake him happy, hanging out with friends, hunting, fishing. He leaves the house at a moments notice to do these things and does not think that I may want to go out without the kids.

Customer:

I just need to get up the nerve again to ask and not think about how much this will impact him, but how it will impact me and my children

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Perhaps he is a narcissist and is absolutely incapable of caring about others.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let me recommend one more book for you, which may be the most appropriate.

Customer:

He is very caring and generous to others but me. This is why I fell in love with him in the first place. But he has never put me first.

Customer:

He is not a bad guy, he just is not ready for a family to take care of even though he is 35!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is an act, which is what narcissists do. He is not a good guy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This book will give you understanding and courage:

Customer:

I am sorry to disagree with you on that last comment but I do. Maybe we were just not meant to be together. He needs to find someone like is mom: do all the household stuff for him, be his maid :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


Save your family. He will ALWAYS save himself. Let him go and protect your children. Why sacrifice your life for someone who doesn't.

Customer:

thank you for chatting with me. I need to think about this more. Need to think how it will affect my kids.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A good guy doesn't ignore and yell at his children and treat his wife as a servant.

Customer:

True

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers. I hope I have helped.

Customer:

Thanks! I will be in touch again soon.

Customer:

Best, K

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you. XXXXX have helped please give me positive feedback. It would be most appreciated.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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