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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6054
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Ive been noticing my daughter-in-law hurts my grandson. Then

Resolved Question:

I've been noticing my daughter-in-law hurts my grandson. Then she loves on him like she didn't do it. Yesterday she was putting him in a car seat and pinch him. Then she was loving on him. So I ignored it. Then today she tripped him. Same thing. Picked him and loved on him like she didn't do anything. Is this narcissist disorder/ I've noticed this before but the incidents were not so close together, now they are getting closer together.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I am so sorry that your daughter in law is behaving like this to your grandson, I can imagine how much this distresses you

DoctorZ :

It is possible that this is a symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but it can be a result of another disorder as well, so I would like to ask some questions, if that is okay, to give you the best possible information.

DoctorZ :

Does your daughter in law ever exhibit rapid mood shifts in emotions of anger, depression, or anxiety?

DoctorZ :

In addition, does your daughter in law ever express impulsive behavior or possibly self-destructive behavior?

Customer:

She has not exhibited mood shifts in my presents, but my younger son and his girl friend have seen them. She is very nice around me and around everyone else.

Customer:

She doesn't seem to express impulsive behavior except, when she married my son it was impulsive. One minute they were broke up and the next minute we were preparing a wedding and then a year later we had a grandson. She has a daughter, Breahnna which we inherited. She is 6 years old.

DoctorZ :

What about self-centered behavior, like she exaggerates her achievements, brags about herself, or appears grandiose at times?

Customer:

I've never seen her self-destructive. She tries to act like she is happy all the time and post things on facebook. That's why its really hard to believe, but I've seen her hurt my grandson. She won't do it in front of my husband only me. It like she is trying to test me. Also, she was twirling a baton in front of me one day and she almost hit her daughter twice and I told her to put it down.

Customer:

She Is self-centered, and she always exaggerates her achievements, and yes brags about her self. I'm not sure what grandiose means?

DoctorZ :

Grandiose means thinking that you are great and just the best person out there

DoctorZ :

And she sounds like that would be a positive for grandiose

DoctorZ :

When she gets rejected, how does she react?

Customer:

I'm not sure she has only been in our lives 2 years. And my son worships her. So I keep my mouth shut. But I'm at the point of worried now. Not sure what to do.

DoctorZ :

It sounds like she could have Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or at least traits of it. Here is a good link describing the symptoms for you

Customer:

Should I be worried about my grandchildren? This is my main concern

DoctorZ :

I think you can be worries, but usually physical abuse is not a dominant factor in someone who has NPD. It is usually verbal and emotional abuse.

DoctorZ :

How was your daughter in law's childhood, was she abused at all (physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal)?

Customer:

I know her parents were divorced. But that's it. It like she makes it up as she goes. You could be riding in the car with her and all the sudden she grew up here and then she knows someone there and everything was just great! Very strange. She didn't have relationship with her dad until about 1 year ago after my grandson was born

DoctorZ :

That could be a sign of pathological lying which is a criteria for NPD, and she is just saying these things to gain attention

Customer:

The hurting the kids is what bothers me. She can lie all she wants. To me everything in her childhood wasn't that great or else she would be telling the truth.

Customer:

Is there another disorder where the mother hurt the child then comfort it like she didn't mean too? Is it because she is trying to get the baby to some how bond with her?

DoctorZ :

How old are her children?

Customer:

The girl is 6 years old, and the boy, my grandson, is 15 months old. He is the one she is hurting. But when she left the gas on in the house, my son and the two children were in there. I found out later that natural gas won't explode, but to a baby, it could have been harmful. I first thought she had post pardon(?) depression, but that should be over with now, right?

DoctorZ :

Yeah I was actually going to suggest post partum depression too and no it can last for approximately two years in severe cases. But has she displayed any other depressive symptoms like withdrawing from activities, bad hygiene, crying spells, etc...

Customer:

She won't clean house. My son has to do it all. As for crying, not around her enough for too know. She has withdrawn from activities because she gained a lot of weight after the baby, but she has started walking.

DoctorZ :

It could be trait of post partum-depression that are in her subconscious and that is why she is hurting the child, but consciously she does not know she is doing it. Her subconscious may be blaming the child for something and this is why she is acting this way

Customer:

Sorry, very tired, I should proof a little better. I guess, I need to know what to look for? And what to do when I see the symptoms.

DoctorZ :

Well this is difficult because the symptoms could be in the subconscious and would be hard to notice even for the most trained professional. But so far the physical type abuse you are noticing is good. I think you have to point it out to your son as well and she should go into therapy to help fix this. But other signs would be small crying spells, and periods where she feels very lethargic and unmotivated.

DoctorZ :

It is okay, I understand that you are tired. Would you like to complete this chat tomorrow when you are more rested?

Customer:

Thank you so much for you time. I will talk to my son. maybe if he is noticing the crying spells and with what I'm seeing then he'll know she needs help. Again thank you so much!

DoctorZ :

Anytime, is there anything else I can do for you tonight?

Customer:

If anything else comes up may I chat with you again about the situation?

Customer:

I sorry, I mean at a later date.

DoctorZ :

Of course, you an ask for me by putting "For DoctorZ only" at the beginning of a new question. If you want to follow up with me, there will be a link to this chat sent to your email after you rate me and you can follow up with questions free of charge at anytime.

Customer:

Thank you! I will rate you services as "Excellent"

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6054
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
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Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.