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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4471
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I feel I dont deserve to be happy or be successful in life

Customer Question

I feel I dont deserve to be happy or be successful in life . Most of the time I feel very low, have no motivation. Im single, have very few friends. Dont want to date men because I feel I will be no good for them. I have sometimes some moment of joy/happiness but usually I go down in the hole right after. Im stuck in hell.

I read I just have a low self esteem and I need to change myway of thinking but I believe its not possible. I dont think I can change. I dont have the motivation to want to think differently. I think Im damaged for good , handicapped, doomed, broken and irreparable.

I tried one therapist . Her method was talking about my feelings. I went 3 times and I stopped because I was feeling very bad and depressed after each session. Can you tell me how helpful can be a therapy when you feel like crap after every session?

Here`s my little history. never met my father. my mother ... oh my... i got molested by her boyfriend when i was 13 or 14 , told her, but she didnt do anything about it. she invited the boyfriend to move in with us. she left me rot in hell my whole teenage years. they broke up a long time ago but i can't forgive what she did.

Never had long relationships, had countless lovers though, and still having lovers today. I dont believe im capable of a healthy relationship since I dont believe Im good enough for no one. i just wish i could move far away and that people forget that i exist. Im wondering which man can love me for life when your own mother didnt love you enough to protect you in the most crucial moment of your life? something is wrong with me, thats what i believe.

help
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way, I can imagine how distressing this is for you

DoctorZ :

I think you are right about the low self-esteem part, but I also believe that this is a symptoms of a great disorder called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This is something that can occur as a result of the sexual abuse you had an adolescent

Customer:

:) thx for answering. I dont quite understand the chat here... regards XXXXX XXXXX are the fee is going to increase because we are chatting?

DoctorZ :

Oh no, the fees stay the same. And I have no time limit on my sessions, so please do not feel rushed with the session at all. I am here to help you for as long as you need.

DoctorZ :

I understand why you did not like therapy because talking about your feelings and the past just re-traumatized you and you did not feel like you were moving forward

Customer:

I processed some feelings though, but there is still a lot. thats whay i believe im broken for good.

DoctorZ :

No you are definitely not broken for good, there are successful treatment for this to help you. I believe that seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) will help you because it focuses on the present and not so much the past. But you would have to stay in that therapy for much longer than 3 sessions to get any benefit from it.

DoctorZ :

Being abused is a very traumatic experience and therapy will not fix you right away, but gradually you will start to see the benefits and start to experience a lessening of the symptoms.

Customer:

I will try yes. but it is hard to feel all those nasty feelings. I dont like crying in front of the therapist.. There are therapist who doesnt agree with cbt. which method is the best? i read about the lifespan integration therapy that can be good for me because sometimes feel like a child,,,, do you know anything about that?

DoctorZ :

You are right that some therapists do not agree with CBT and not every patient responds to CBT. Lifespan integreation therapy is supposed to be an alternative whole body type of approach, but I do have to say there are no peer reviewed studies on the effectiveness of this therapy, while CBT is the most evidence based therapy, which is why I mentioned it.

DoctorZ :

If you also want to try an alternative approach to CBT, I would recommend Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR).

DoctorZ :

Both of those therapy modalities have peer reviewed research for treating PTSD and depressive symptoms like you have described.

Customer:

what is that EMDR in a nutshell? how does it work to help traumatise people?

DoctorZ :

I am not an EMDR expert as I personally do not practice it, but it is supposed to help your neural pathways process trauma by ways of using 8 different steps of bilateral sensory input including side to side eye movements. Supposedly this will help you better process your trauma and alleviate your symptoms.

DoctorZ :

Also another alternative approach is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

DoctorZ :

I can recommend a book that explains EMDR better if you like

Customer:

its okay for the book I will find a therapist. I have 3 methods now I can look for, thanks for that.

DoctorZ :

In addition, I wanted to ask if you also considered medication to help alleviate your symptoms so that you can respond better to the therapy?

Customer:

I didnt know it can help me respond better to therapy. I think it will be helpful. what do I say to the doctor exactly? Or is the therapist will refer me to a doctor?

DoctorZ :

Your primary care doctor can prescribe the medications if you wish. You can tell your doctor that you are suffering effects of PTSD from past abuse, like depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, hopelessness, etc...And most likely you will give you a SSRI antidepressant (e.g. Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil, Prozac, Luvox, or Celexa).

DoctorZ :

Yes they can alleviate your symptoms. You will start to see the effects in 2-3 weeks and the full benefits in 6-8 weeks with these medications

DoctorZ :

But it is not a cure, only therapy can cure you.

Customer:

thanks, XXXXX XXXXX know that. I forgot to mention that im usually worse and down in the whole before my periods. ii guess its going to help me too...

DoctorZ :

That can happen with the hormonal flux as it can worsen your depressive symptoms. THe SSRI will help lessen the impact of that for you

Customer:

good:)

Customer:

I think Im okay for now. I will leave. What is the next step ? Rate and exit?

DoctorZ :

Well i am happy to help you tonight. Yep you rate and then we are done for the night. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

thanks for your help good night:)

DoctorZ :

Anytime, I wish you the best of luck with your treatment

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4471
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Relist: Other.
I would like a diffrent answer than the one the expert gave me. I already knew I needed to go see a therapist. Can I have a diffrent insight ? A more torough analysis ? Am I normal?
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 10 months ago.
Greetings !

Welcome to the site.

I am Dr. Kaushik and i am a psychiatrist and i believe i can help you with your question.

I have read your question very closely and also the conversation that you had with the previous expert I believe you have been stuck in a vicious cycle of an underlying severe depression where in the more you make efforts to come out of it the deeper you tend to get immersed in it. This depression has stemmed from parental neglect and emotional abuse that you had to go through in your childhood years. I believe you feel that you have been betrayed by your mother as she could have rescued you at times when you needed her most and probably you have never been able to forgive her for her callous and insensitive approach that she had towards you while rearing you up. So there is no denying the fact that you have a lot of emotional baggage which has never been resolved and it has made huge inroads into your life and personality making you depressed and dejected about your present as well as your future, besides making you loose trust in relationships.

Also it is apparent that the plausible reason behind you not being able to find a steady life partner is because you have seen your own mother having a rough and unsteady life with her own boyfriend plus your father's absence from yours and your mother's life must have made you doubly weary when it comes to making life long commitments with someone as a partner.

So basically your emotional trauma of your past has invariably clouded your mindset and has made you severely depressed which in itself has brought up low self esteem, low confidence, self loathing ideas, feeling of hopelessness, worthlessness and helplessness. So in order to move on in life you will have to beat down your past emotional demons and start a fresh chapter in life where in you should stop looking behind and try to concentrate on present so that your future blossoms. I know life has been unjust to you and i empathize with you since you have endured a lot of agony and disappointments in life but you are still young and you have time at hand to turn your life around and come out of your depressed state of mind and prove to yourself and to your detractors that you survived and did good despite having so many dejections and adversities in life. It will be a fitting reply to all those who have tried to pull you down and exploit you if you can just beat down your depression and start leading a content and tranquil lifestyle.

I believe you are normal but you have been stuck in depressive phase for a long time which needs to be brought to an end so that you can enjoy good things in life and enter in a trusting committed relationship which you never ever saw before. I can see hope for you and i will like you to gather some courage and wholeheartedly try your best to fight against your current state of depression as i feel there is a lot to live for and to achieve in life for you.

I will also endorse the idea of getting started on CBT or EMDR, but i believe at the moment you severely lack the patience to go through the sessions even if you like to , the reason is your depression has made you perpetually sad from within, clouded your thinking and taken away your energy and will to stick to your resolution and until and unless you do not overcome these core features of depression completing therapy or even being regular on it seems to be a distant possibility.

So based on my vast experience in dealing with these disorders , i suggest that while you seek one of the above mentioned therapies but at the same time you shall get started on an anti depressant drug such as lexapro ( escitalopram) at dose of 10-20 mg / day by getting it prescribed from your family doctor plus in addition also get a mood lifting/ thought provoking / energy and will boosting drug started such as modafinil / provigil at modest dose of 50-100mg/ day. This 2 drug therapy will give a much needed boost to your recovery from depression by uplifting your sad mood and giving you energy and enthusiasm which are required to complete the therapy that you seek. ALso one cannot rule out the fact that these drugs invariably promote action of neurochemicals in the brain which are almost always involved in treating depression. Therapy as opposed to the above mentioned drug therapy takes longer time to act and needs perseverance and patience plus it deals with the emotional issues and tries to teach you strategies and coping skills to overcome your past emotional trauma but in order to complete the therapy you will be required to hang in there for several weeks patiently which at the moment is difficult for you to carry out, so here the drug therapy will come in and bail you out and help you to overcome depression while counseling / therapy takes it's due course of time to tackle your childhood emotional issues permanently.

I hope this gives you information about how you need to use the amalgamation of drug therapy and counseling to bring closure to your past emotional issues and overcome depression and start leading a life that gives you internal peace and happiness and is oblivious to your traumatic past.

Wish you all the best.

Please kindly leave a Positive rating if you ares satisfied with the answer.

Regards.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thats the kind of answer I was looking for. Thank you for your help Dr. Kaushiké

Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 10 months ago.
You're welcome.

Take care.

Regards.

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