Hello again, I believe we chatted before a couple weeks ago.
I am sorry that you are still struggling with this and yes I do agree that you are going through a depressive type disorder, more specifically you are in grief over the loss of your marriage and the ambivalence of your husband further increases that grief
May I ask, did you try any of those techniques and the book I mentioned in the last chat?
I definitely think seeing a good therapist that you can talk to and be an ally for you through this will be very beneficial. I can also help you find a therapist in your area that work on a sliding scale and can charge lesser fees because of your financial situation with your husband.
Hello Doctor Z,
yes we did chat a couple of weeks ago.
Hello, I am sorry that you are not feeling better since we last spoke
I did try the techniques and I should be receiving the book I order that you suggested tomorrow. It helps relax me sometimes. I write down all my neg. self talk and replace it with positive and in the day time it is great but at night when I've woken up only after a few hours sleep I can't do anything but cry and panic.
then I get mad with myself, telling myself I see why he wants to leave me. I'm weak.
and that goes on for a few minutes.
Yes night is the hard part because that is when all your subconscious thoughts come to the surface and that is why you feel that way. But you cannot blame yourself at all about this. This was his decision and his decision alone, in fact he is the weak one for leaving you and his family
I just want to run away sometimes but there is nowhere to run and I don't want to let my children down.
but I'm having a hard time with this.
I know it seems like right now that you want to run away and that it all feel overwhelming, but I want you to focus on the present and not in the distance future, which will be hard. A therapist to talk to can help you so that this is not so hard for you and can help minimize these feelings that you are having
funny thing is if he walked through the door right now I would accept him back all to hate myself and him. Myself because somewhere in my I know I deserve better and he treats me like nothing. He says I act as though his feelings don't count. How can he turn around his cheating, lying, stealing money...etc....around on me? I hate him for misusing my heart.
I believe your husband has a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and he can manipulate and make you think like you are to blame for this. Individuals with this disorder do not take responsibility for their actions and will blame others
In addition, he will only think about himself and no one else.
This is a good book that is aimed at people like you who divorce individuals with NPD
I have a list of therapist the other day. I think whoever I see will think I'm stupid, they won't say it but, they will be thinking it. I feel stupid enough on my own.
No, a therapist is not there to judge you and instead will help you through this. I know how you feel, but this is just his manipulation to make you feel this way and a therapist will show that to you
could my outward signs of anger towards him because of his actions be a justifiable reason for him to want to leave. I mean I keep going over it in my head because he said he was sorry for what he did but I keep bringing it up...fighting about it...
thing is we don't spend much time together in a year nor did we talk that much and he just keeps pretty much the same thing.
No he wants to leave for selfish reasons no matter what you do. I think you angry reactions were because nothing was getting solved and even though he said sorry he did not change and still continued to cheat
For many years he had/has different email/bank accounts in different names....I knew about some......confronted him and hoped he would change..........I didn't mention them over the years after the first time. Does he have a personality disorder? He told me he is lost and to let go of him (the last thing he said to me via text)How do I stop caring about him and what he thinks. How do I fall out of love with him and back in love with me, my children and a new beginning. And exactly who breaks up a marriage via text? Who does that?
Yes I do believe he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this disorder explains his behavior on why he is selfish and only think about his well being. To stop caring for him and thinking about him will take time, but with good therapy it will happen, but you have to be patient and take it one step at a time with therapy.
Your mind is very resilient and strong and can adapt to many situation including this one as well
I'm going to make an appointment tomorrow I can't keep going like this and besides I have to leave room for you to help other people as well.
Are you sure, I am more than willing to help you more if you like
I think making an appointment would help you a lot
I need a life coach because right now I'm in auto polite
A therapist can be a very good life coach for you
my spelling is horrible.......
It is okay, no worries
I appreciate you yet again and yes I'll be making an appointment later on today. Well I have some assignment to get in before I go take another nap.
I understand, I hope you sleep well tonight and if you have any other questions please feel free to contact me again at anytime. I am happy that I was able to help you tonight
You are most welcome :)