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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Im six months pregnant and my husband announced a few weeks

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I'm six months pregnant and my husband announced a few weeks ago he wants a divorce because I'm not going to forgive him for cheating on me and many other stupid things he as done to me over the years. My husband pays women for sex pictures and normally has either an online relationship with these women or a real relationship with them. I have fussed, fought cried and begged him to stop. I've been hurt so many times over our 13(8 yrs married) years being together. I'm a stay at home mom with no immediate family and all my close friends have moved away. Because my husband is an overseas contractor and has been for about 8 years we rarely spend time together. Maybe out of a year we get to spend two week together. This year it was more like 5 months because he hurt himself and came home. I know in my head I should want to leave this man. I'm so lonely most days watching other couples enjoy each other. I cry every night. I feel sick, lost and confused. Its hard to get out of bed. I thought going to school and keeping myself busy would help and it does but it is late at night when I'm all a lone, can't sleep and the world is still, that I have a tough time. I can't date anyone because I'm pregnant and besides that he is technically still my husband. I hope every day he will speak to me but he doesn't. I hurt more so for our children because we have 3 with one on the way and he told me he doesn't want anything to do with them either because they don't care if he is here or not. I wonder if I'm depressed. I know I have been depressed before,not diagnosed, but I have had thoughts of ending it all. But my children need me and that is what keeps me grounded and here. I wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and unsure of the future and feeling lonely. I hate to go to sleep because it feels like I'm waking up to a horrible dream. Am I depressed? What can I do to help myself? I hope that he is blowing off steam and will wake up and want his family/me. I guess his actions has shown me other wise over the years but I still carry hope.......and I fear that when he comes home he will be more nasty than he already has been and will really end things and I will be crushed. I feel so stupid for feeling this way when deep in my heart I know he has hurt me more than anyone ever has.How do I let go? How do I get to the point of not looking at this as a bad thing? I have no money, three, almost four children, no family, no real friends close by and I'm not finished with school. I'm worried all the time of how my children and I will make. When did I lose myself in him. Please help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello again, I believe we chatted before a couple weeks ago.

DoctorZ :

I am sorry that you are still struggling with this and yes I do agree that you are going through a depressive type disorder, more specifically you are in grief over the loss of your marriage and the ambivalence of your husband further increases that grief

DoctorZ :

May I ask, did you try any of those techniques and the book I mentioned in the last chat?

DoctorZ :

I definitely think seeing a good therapist that you can talk to and be an ally for you through this will be very beneficial. I can also help you find a therapist in your area that work on a sliding scale and can charge lesser fees because of your financial situation with your husband.

Customer:

Hello Doctor Z,

Customer:

yes we did chat a couple of weeks ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello, I am sorry that you are not feeling better since we last spoke

Customer:

I did try the techniques and I should be receiving the book I order that you suggested tomorrow. It helps relax me sometimes. I write down all my neg. self talk and replace it with positive and in the day time it is great but at night when I've woken up only after a few hours sleep I can't do anything but cry and panic.

Customer:

then I get mad with myself, telling myself I see why he wants to leave me. I'm weak.

Customer:

and that goes on for a few minutes.

DoctorZ :

Yes night is the hard part because that is when all your subconscious thoughts come to the surface and that is why you feel that way. But you cannot blame yourself at all about this. This was his decision and his decision alone, in fact he is the weak one for leaving you and his family

Customer:

I just want to run away sometimes but there is nowhere to run and I don't want to let my children down.

Customer:

but I'm having a hard time with this.

DoctorZ :

I know it seems like right now that you want to run away and that it all feel overwhelming, but I want you to focus on the present and not in the distance future, which will be hard. A therapist to talk to can help you so that this is not so hard for you and can help minimize these feelings that you are having

Customer:

funny thing is if he walked through the door right now I would accept him back all to hate myself and him. Myself because somewhere in my I know I deserve better and he treats me like nothing. He says I act as though his feelings don't count. How can he turn around his cheating, lying, stealing money...etc....around on me? I hate him for misusing my heart.

DoctorZ :

I believe your husband has a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and he can manipulate and make you think like you are to blame for this. Individuals with this disorder do not take responsibility for their actions and will blame others

DoctorZ :

In addition, he will only think about himself and no one else.

DoctorZ :

This is a good book that is aimed at people like you who divorce individuals with NPD

Customer:

I have a list of therapist the other day. I think whoever I see will think I'm stupid, they won't say it but, they will be thinking it. I feel stupid enough on my own.

DoctorZ :

No, a therapist is not there to judge you and instead will help you through this. I know how you feel, but this is just his manipulation to make you feel this way and a therapist will show that to you

Customer:

could my outward signs of anger towards him because of his actions be a justifiable reason for him to want to leave. I mean I keep going over it in my head because he said he was sorry for what he did but I keep bringing it up...fighting about it...

Customer:

thing is we don't spend much time together in a year nor did we talk that much and he just keeps pretty much the same thing.

DoctorZ :

No he wants to leave for selfish reasons no matter what you do. I think you angry reactions were because nothing was getting solved and even though he said sorry he did not change and still continued to cheat

Customer:

For many years he had/has different email/bank accounts in different names....I knew about some......confronted him and hoped he would change..........I didn't mention them over the years after the first time. Does he have a personality disorder? He told me he is lost and to let go of him (the last thing he said to me via text)How do I stop caring about him and what he thinks. How do I fall out of love with him and back in love with me, my children and a new beginning. And exactly who breaks up a marriage via text? Who does that?

DoctorZ :

Yes I do believe he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this disorder explains his behavior on why he is selfish and only think about his well being. To stop caring for him and thinking about him will take time, but with good therapy it will happen, but you have to be patient and take it one step at a time with therapy.

DoctorZ :

Your mind is very resilient and strong and can adapt to many situation including this one as well

Customer:

I'm going to make an appointment tomorrow I can't keep going like this and besides I have to leave room for you to help other people as well.

DoctorZ :

Are you sure, I am more than willing to help you more if you like

DoctorZ :

I think making an appointment would help you a lot

Customer:

I need a life coach because right now I'm in auto polite

DoctorZ :

A therapist can be a very good life coach for you

Customer:

lol

Customer:

my spelling is horrible.......

DoctorZ :

It is okay, no worries

Customer:

I appreciate you yet again and yes I'll be making an appointment later on today. Well I have some assignment to get in before I go take another nap.

DoctorZ :

I understand, I hope you sleep well tonight and if you have any other questions please feel free to contact me again at anytime. I am happy that I was able to help you tonight

Customer:

Thank you.

DoctorZ :

You are most welcome :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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