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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Dr. Mark goodevening Robert here, Funds are arriving, I,ve

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Dr. Mark goodevening Robert here, Funds are arriving,

I,ve read a not optimistical scientific article. Normal mothers who are divorced
feel abonded. The y are tending therefore or instead not to be let them abonding dàucune autre that was French for anybody els it keeps you fit. So
they will if possible let not go one of their children leave them anymore, also not for visiting their dads. So with normal woman in Holland 60% of the chil-
dren after just 1 year are seeing their dads no more schluss, finito, end contact. You can imagine how much greater this percentage is among BORDERLINE MOTHERS.
Yesterday my borderline called and i wrote her an email that brought me to
tears because it was so hard and direct that icouldn`t read it again, cause
she is more of a con and a criminal then ill or sick. Please comment or answer?Q Thus the prospects of beeing a father are extremely low for my
just SkypeDad with Julius.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
Hi, Robert.


Robert, if the question is: have I seen that after a divorce, the mothers try to move the child/children away from allegiance to the fathers, this is true sometimes. I don't know about the statistics, but it is certainly a problem that we have to deal with on a regular basis. It can happen the other way, where the father has custody and maneuvers the allegiance against the mother; but it is much more often the case the other way. So, yes, this is something I've encountered; and I imagine most therapists who've worked for an extended period of times have encountered this problem.


It's not a new problem, really. Divorce has been a prevalent societal phenomenon here in the US since the 1980s in large numbers. Thus, I'm also now already seeing adults in therapy who were raised by parents of divorce where this occurred. And it is an emotional difficulty and/or sometimes even very difficult emotionally. Because you see, when they are adults, they have the opportunity to look back and reexamine these dynamics from a different perspective. And they often realize the manipulation and the untruths that were sometimes used. And this can lead to confusion and anger on their parts now that they are adults. But it often also leads to wanting to get to know the estranged parent more. So there is hope as well.


Would it be more prevalent with BPD? I don't know with any certainty, but one would think that it might be the case. But even if not, it's a common problem in divorce.


The best strategy is to not bad-mouth the manipulating parent. Because then you only confirm what she will be trying to say about you, that you're mean, nasty, uncaring, unloyal, unreliable, etc. The best strategy is to be positive and to show love and caring for him. Focus on him, not her. And he will want to spend more time with you and take whatever opportunities he can get from her. I know this is a tough strategy because you and other dads feel this very painfully. But I can only share with you that, while it is hard, it is the most successful strategy in the long run.


I'm glad you're okay and I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello Mark,

Robert here for a small price a big answer. The disaster (1st psychologist)

got a letter from Psy.nl ? that somedy complained. He wrote me that he was

so good for me and helped me etc. almost crying for not nailing him. But

among others he put me in jail, took my wife literally and in therapy. We warned him how charismatic borderlines sexually are. So i answered him in formal Dutch, Dear sirs, i hereby etc.. Just like my wife he mailed back tome Robby here and Robby there. I told him my life is in shambles everything has been stolen and now already living alone 7 months. An

easy prey for the GGZ, cause one or the other way i will get crazy.

He kept jeheramying about himself, nothing about my ordeal and his be-

trayal it looked very much like my ex does. If i bite like a fish then he`s

gone and has no time for me, that`s how it always passed. So BORDERLINE. Maybe i should and that`s a question write little personal

email that he may split now between the person and the disasterous pro-

fessional. Or shan`t i for the first time not loyal, because he betrayed me.

And he will again demand to therapy my son even my ex wife and that

may not happen? Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX not once in 3 emails something

about my situation. Egoïst like my ex who never ever answers personal

questions only fuzz and fog. So i has been to long now, sorry.

 

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
Robert,


You weren't too long: there is just too much compressed language. Meaning, some of it assumes I know some things I don't; some of it is just too vague or brief and I don't understand the full message of the sentence.


Is this the psychologist who you filed a complaint against? If so, why is he contacting you? That would be unethical here and I assume there as well, is it not?


I know how lonely you are and I'm sorry about that. We've talked about that, my urging you to start making new social contacts, build a new social network. I still urge you to do that. But you need to build those friendships based on your intelligence (plentiful) and your positive feelings (not plentiful). People don't respond well to negativity, Robert. (I know I'm nagging, but we've talked enough now, that I hope you forgive me.)


And that brings us to the GGZ: Robert, yes, they will think you crazy if you keep trying to bend them to your view. Medical people don't respond well to that, especially mental health people who work for big agencies. They need people to fit profiles. Robert, you are intelligent enough to know the "box" they want you to fit into. But you keep resisting and blowing their minds. That's not a good strategy. I urge you to fit in with them and be creative with me...(Hope that made you smile.)


All the best,


Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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