How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My girlfriend was raped before i met her, and then again two

Resolved Question:

My girlfriend was raped before i met her, and then again two nights ago at a wedding out of town that she went to with one of her girlfriends. She was drugged as she just today started remembering bits and pieces of the incident. When she first told me all she could remembering was waking up in the hotel lobby and making her way back to the hotel room and getting violently ill, as well as being sore and light bruising in the genital area. I guess my question is what do I do? I've never felt so much rage in my entire life, and I'm the opposite of a violent man. obviously not towards her, towards this unknown assailant. How do i help her through this and get myself back to normal? What do I do about our sex life and what effect will it have?

any help is greatly appreciated. I love my girlfriend very much and want to push past this and get our lives back on track

thankyou
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 12 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

If your girlfriend has been raped, she has been through a terribly traumatic event. The first step in a rape is to get help. No one should ever try to handle a rape on their own. You need professionals to help guide you and your girlfriend and to help deal with the initial shock and other symptoms as a result. Your girlfriend may be resistant to getting help due to the shame or fear she feels over what happened. But if at all possible, encourage her to seek out the police and a local crisis rape center. Here is a link that can help you with resources on how to find your local rape center:

http://rainn.org/get-involved/rape-crisis-center-information

The next step is to seek out therapy. Your girlfriend will need the support. But you also need someone to talk to. Your girlfriend's rape affects you as well. You may begin to show signs of the situation through stress, nightmares, feelings of helplessness and anger. All of these feelings are very normal. Support is vital in helping you both feel less alone and to help you recover from this trauma.

You can also help yourself deal with your feelings through expressing them in a safe manner. Exercise (such as boxing to get out aggression), talking to friends and family (if your girlfriend is ok with you telling what happened), therapy and taking care of yourself can help you cope with your anger and other emotions.

You can also be there for your girlfriend by being supportive of whatever she needs. It is often hard to know how to respond because there are a number of symptoms people have to traumas. They may deny there was a problem and try to ignore what happened. Or they might become hysterical. Or they could experience depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping and other symptoms. So being there for your girlfriend means letting her talk to you without judging what she says and encouraging her to seek out help and support.

It helps to learn more about rape through talking to professionals and through self help. Here are some resources to help you:

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/supporting-someone-who-has-been-raped-or-sexually-assaulted/

Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault (Re:Lit) by Justin S. Holcomb and Lindsey A. Holcomb

Most of all, realize that recovery often takes a while. Your girlfriend may experience flashbacks when she tries to be close to you especially during sex so a lot of reassurance and very slow steps in reconnecting helps a lot. Let her be your guide in what happens. She might pull away, reject you or even take out her feelings about the assault on you. Do your best to be patient and express your feelings through therapy and support. Also, keep the lines of communication open between you both. The more you can talk about what you feel, the easier it will be to heal.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 12 months ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any other questions, please let me know.

Kate












May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

i tried to reply did it not go through?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 12 months ago.
I am sorry, I did not get the reply. I apologize for the inconvenience. Can you resend your reply?

Kate
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

We have been together for two years now, this weekend is actually our anniversary and we have just recently started to break down all the walls from the last incident she had. Now that this has happened im scared all the progress will be lost. any advice on that?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 11 months ago.
She might go back some in her progress depending on her ability to cope. This incident may bring up some of the pain she had before. But because she has already worked through an assault before, she now has tools she can use in her recovery now that she did not have the first time. She just needs to work through the stress of this incident. Extra support and therapy can help her recover.

Kate


PS I need to sign off for the evening (it is late here). If you need to respond, I will answer as soon as possible tomorrow.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education