I just wanted to tell you "thanks" for those excellent books. I just read the first chapter of the one dealing with narcissists, and what insight! It does make sense to me that low self esteem is at the core. It's hard to understand why they have low self-esteem because they are both bright girls with lots going for them.
I also think your diagnosis is on target because Kat, my daughter called me yesterday. She told me she thinks Nancy's mind isn't working right at all and that she needs therapy. She told me the whole truth about when she was in Denver on a run and why Nancy wouldn't have dinner with her. Nancy asked her why she was in Denver and Kat said, "for work." "Are you moving out here?" "No, I'm a truck driver and I'm here in Denver and I have 4 hours free so I want to take you to dinner. I'm buying." "I always pictured you as laying on the couch watching TV and collecting a welfare or disability check." "That hurt my feelings. Even if you thought that you should have kept it to yourself or said it in a nicer way like 'I assumed you were too disabled to work' "How much money do you make?" "Last year I made about $30,000 and this year I should make a little more than that." "That's not fair! I'm a college graduate and I've never made $20,000!" "The thing that matters is that you like your job, you help people, and your husband earns enough money so that you pay all your bills. It's like being a teacher. Helping jobs don't pay the most. I didn't say I'd pay because I make more money than you but because I invited you to eat out so I should pay." "You shouldn't be a truck driver, it's unladylike." "There are guy truckers who are mean to lady truck drivers but most of the guy truckers defend and protect us from those guys. "How do you expect to meet a guy and get married when you're driving a truck all day?" "By waiting to meet the right one." "I don't want to have dinner with you and I can't talk to you right now" and she hung up. She told me all that because Nancy called her and yelled at her because apparently my brother, Chuck, wrote on his facebook page to thank everyone for their support with our sister's death and he particularly thanked me for driving him and his wife to the funeral because his eyes are too bad to drive that far. She yelled at Kat saying that the only reason I did
that was to get attention. She is very concerned that "Nancy's mind isn't working right and she's acting more like Sandy than Nancy."
I told her she is spot on that Nancy's mind isn't working right and that she handled herself very well. She told me that when she was talking to Nancy about the truck driving that at first she felt like she should apologize, but then thought, "What am I apologizing about? I just asked her to dinner."
I told her that if she calls again like that, not to yell at her, call her names, or cuss at her. To remember her mind isn't working right and if she can't keep her own cool, just to tell her she loves her but can't talk to her when she's like this. I'm also going to give her a copy of the book.
I'm not really asking you anything. I'm just writing to tell you that my daughter is a prime example of why you do what you do, and to keep on doing it. The way she kept her boundaries and still responded well to Nancy is a testament to what all of you mental health providers are about. I can't thank all the people who worked hard to help Kat through the years, so I'm thanking you by proxy.