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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5117
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I just wanted to tell you "thanks" for those excellent books.

Resolved Question:

I just wanted to tell you "thanks" for those excellent books. I just read the first chapter of the one dealing with narcissists, and what insight! It does make sense to me that low self esteem is at the core. It's hard to understand why they have low self-esteem because they are both bright girls with lots going for them.
I also think your diagnosis is on target because Kat, my daughter called me yesterday. She told me she thinks Nancy's mind isn't working right at all and that she needs therapy. She told me the whole truth about when she was in Denver on a run and why Nancy wouldn't have dinner with her. Nancy asked her why she was in Denver and Kat said, "for work." "Are you moving out here?" "No, I'm a truck driver and I'm here in Denver and I have 4 hours free so I want to take you to dinner. I'm buying." "I always pictured you as laying on the couch watching TV and collecting a welfare or disability check." "That hurt my feelings. Even if you thought that you should have kept it to yourself or said it in a nicer way like 'I assumed you were too disabled to work' "How much money do you make?" "Last year I made about $30,000 and this year I should make a little more than that." "That's not fair! I'm a college graduate and I've never made $20,000!" "The thing that matters is that you like your job, you help people, and your husband earns enough money so that you pay all your bills. It's like being a teacher. Helping jobs don't pay the most. I didn't say I'd pay because I make more money than you but because I invited you to eat out so I should pay." "You shouldn't be a truck driver, it's unladylike." "There are guy truckers who are mean to lady truck drivers but most of the guy truckers defend and protect us from those guys. "How do you expect to meet a guy and get married when you're driving a truck all day?" "By waiting to meet the right one." "I don't want to have dinner with you and I can't talk to you right now" and she hung up. She told me all that because Nancy called her and yelled at her because apparently my brother, Chuck, wrote on his facebook page to thank everyone for their support with our sister's death and he particularly thanked me for driving him and his wife to the funeral because his eyes are too bad to drive that far. She yelled at Kat saying that the only reason I did that was to get attention. She is very concerned that "Nancy's mind isn't working right and she's acting more like Sandy than Nancy."
I told her she is spot on that Nancy's mind isn't working right and that she handled herself very well. She told me that when she was talking to Nancy about the truck driving that at first she felt like she should apologize, but then thought, "What am I apologizing about? I just asked her to dinner."
I told her that if she calls again like that, not to yell at her, call her names, or cuss at her. To remember her mind isn't working right and if she can't keep her own cool, just to tell her she loves her but can't talk to her when she's like this. I'm also going to give her a copy of the book.
I'm not really asking you anything. I'm just writing to tell you that my daughter is a prime example of why you do what you do, and to keep on doing it. The way she kept her boundaries and still responded well to Nancy is a testament to what all of you mental health providers are about. I can't thank all the people who worked hard to help Kat through the years, so I'm thanking you by proxy.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello again :)

DoctorZ :

I am so happy that you found the books helpful and this great to hear about your daughter

Customer:

Hey, Dr Z, I appreciate you so much. I just read one chapter in the book and not only thought, "I'm going to grow so much from this" but it really hit home in what is going on with my sister.

Customer:

I'm also so proud of her! She's handling herself so well!

DoctorZ :

She is handling herself really well from it sounds like, and yes those books are definite eye openers to explain the behavior of your sister.

Customer:

The one thing that I read so far in the book is that if I say "You're wrong about this..." to Nancy, she likely hears "I think you're the scum of the earth!"

DoctorZ :

Yes individuals with NPS do take it very personally and feel like you are insulting them, when you are not

DoctorZ :

*NPD

Customer:

When she learned Kat makes more money than she does, she heard "I'm a loser!"

DoctorZ :

That is Nancy's selfish side and only thinking about herself, classic symptoms of this disorder. Kat handled it really well though.

Customer:

Kat does have the psychological tools she needs to maintain her mental health. That's always good for me to know. Being alone in the truck for so much of the time does tend to make me think she could begin again with obsessive thoughts, but she's handling her thinking very well.

DoctorZ :

Well I think Kat knows that being alone in the truck can lead to obsessive thoughts, so I imagine she developed good coping mechanism to counteract them.

Customer:

That's so true. I do wish I could contact everyone who helped her and let them know how it paid off. The ones we were able to contact are of course thrilled with her progress. She's really exceeded expectations.

Customer:

Regardless of what my sister does in her life, I know I can grow through this and not just endure it.

DoctorZ :

That is great to hear and yes you will grow through this and adapt to her behavior so that it does not effect you greatly

Customer:

Indeed! Thank you again for your time and what you do. I don't need to take up any more of your time, but be encouraged, what you do REALLY makes a difference in people's lives.

DoctorZ :

Thank you so much, I am just happy to make a difference in other people's lives and help them. I am glad that I was able to help you with this :)

Customer:

Have a great day!

DoctorZ :

You have a great holiday too :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5117
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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