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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have lived for 5 years with a famous jazz pianist. I am a

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I have lived for 5 years with a famous jazz pianist. I am a nurse we are now 50 years old. Through our years together I noticed he is a genius musician but very child like in our day to day activity. He keeps his bank accounts in chaos his paper work in chaos. He has a daughter that he appears to love and pays for everything for her but spend minimal time with her and in a child like way doesn't seem to understand this will affect her. When I cry he seems to just stare at me, once I told him my brother was dying of cancer and he started talking about football. He is very sweet and soft spoken. Speaks in a monotone voice. People often tell him they can't hear him, then he will yell. He tells the same stories over and over. He has no real friends just acquaintances. He has food obsessions. Obsessions with particular cars and tires. He twist his hands and stare at them.....All this to say I'm sure he has Aspergers.
He usually only likes music not vocals. But two months ago a woman approached him with telling him she can to see him and she was going to get him because she wants to sing with him. They both play the piano and they are both from strong musical church backgrounds. He is famous, she plays in steakhouses in a small town, with no experience. We have had a very loving sweet caring relationship with each other up until this moment. He started calling her 7 times a day. I explained he was having an emotional affair and he seemed shocked. He has never been a cheater and never wanted to be. He says he is only trying to help her in her career. I insisted that he stop talking to her. He got mad and said I couldn't tell him what to do and he left me and will not talk to me.
My head is spinning. We have been fine and extremely sweet and loving to each other. His parents are hurt and shocked the musicians that work with him are shocked everybody saw us as a great love. I am having the most difficult time trying to understand what he has done. I keep looking for answers from an Aspergers perspective. Or do I just accept he is a man that cheated because the other woman seems exciting now? I would like a perspective from a therapist... I'm in a lot of pain.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I ma very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly painful situation you have been experiencing.

Customer:

Thank you for your response. I am extremely depressed and having a hard time coping with this.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your story is very sad since it clearly shows how regardless of the limitations Aspergers S. presents, you were able to build a very healthy and fulfilling relationship, with problems typical of this disorder, but a good one for both of you.

Customer:

He was married before and left his wife in a similar way I have now found years later. I keep trying to explain it with the Aspergers being the root. Are you familiar with Asperger patients

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That's very sad and concerning, and as frustrating as it may sound, this may be common behavior for people with this disorder.

Customer:

Is this a common thing for Aspergers men to do? My biggest fear is he will not care or feel anything about the relationship we had. I don't know why this hurts me so deeply. I need to know that he realized the sweet loving relationship that we had. I fear he will just put it away and never think about it again...

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, I am. His core inability to perceive-process-express emotions in effective ways, and to make necessary connections at that level, to perceive the impact their behaviors could have in other people, to be empathic and supportive makes it truly challenging and painful for loved ones to behold and experience in their relationships.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily there is no way too know for sure what an dhow he feels about it, remember that his disability is a lot about his experience of feelings and emotions, perceiving, understanding and experiencing them. Only time would show you how his own maturity level, personality, caring and circumstances impact his decisions around your relationship.

Customer:

I have been through a bad divorce before from a 25 year marriage that was always bad. It made sense to leave that marriage. It took time but I healed from that. This seems so much harder because it makes no sense. I can't understand what happened. I can only try to think it may be better in the long run as I was often his caregiver.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very sad but nobody has control on what he chooses to do but himself, and he is an adult and with experience, thus he knows what he's doing within his limitations.

Customer:

Thank you I appreciate your response. I will find a therapist to have sessions with If I continue to stay depressed.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do so. I am willing to support you with professional counseling too, if you feel comfortable with me and trying this service online.

Customer:

Ok I will consider that, thank you.. How do I reach you if I should decide to do that?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please remember that on justanswer, your information is not confidential, but it is public. But on pearl.etherapi.com, we can speak confidentially, over a secure network.

Customer:

Oh ok I didn't realize that... thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please follow thins link: https://pearl.etherapi.com/connectme/164

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please take gentle care and consistent action getting the support you need to heal and effectively cope from this very painful situation. I am here to support you.

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