I am so sorry that you experienced this cutting behavior after your medical exam, was this a result of your alter that mentioned during our last chat?
So last time we chatted I believe you mentioned that one of your alters was going to hurt you because of that exam and were trying to figure out a good and effective way to communicate with the alter, I am wondering how that went?
I see that you are offline right now, but I would like to continue this conversation since we have a history in previous chats and I want to help you overcome this and feel better regarding your medical exams that you have to undergo, so if you respond in the chat I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.
Yes, this was the same alter, but this was a different exam than the one I was previously worried about. The alter completely took over during the entire exam and it turned out horribly. Plus, the doctor didn't really listen to the alter when she told the doctor to stop. The doctor tried her best, XXXXX XXXXX still left us traumatized to the point we felt like we had to do something drastic. To top it off, I'm still in physical pain from the exam done yesterday, which is a constant reminder of what we went through. If it were not for the pain today, I probably wouldn't still be this upset by the exam. I just would like to know how to make this experience less traumatic for all of us.
I am sorry that you went through that trauma. Was the alter upset because she did not know about this medical exam?
no, we were all aware of what was going to be done...........I think it was partly my fault. I didn't listen to my little one inside who didn't want the doctor to touch her...........I went ahead and gave the ok for the exam to proceed
i just wasnt' expecting her to get so upset
Oh, so you alter got upset with you because you said okay. One reason that she reacted the way she did is because she felt that you ignored her.
it's so hard, because I knew the doctor had to do what she did, but the little one didn't understand
and it scared and hurt her like she was hurt before
then, on top of my error of not listening at the beginning, when I finally did listen and say stop, the doctor didn't
she just kept on plowing through the exam
I am sorry that the doctor kept on with the exam after you said no.
and she flat out lied to us, too
said she wasn't gonna touch the tummy, but went ahead and touched anyway
Now your alter did have a right to be upset, that is something we must acknowledge, but we have to teach your alter to express herself in appropriate way, like the journaling we mentioned.
yeah, I agree
Remember this is going to be a long process for your alter to get used to, but she has to learn to communicate her anger and frustration
I just didn't have any means to journal at the time I felt like cutting and I did have my implement of choice readily available
One thing that she also must realize that by cutting yourself, she is causing more trauma that will hurt both of you
I understand, and this will take time to get used to. But lets try to make journaling a habitual thought instead of cutting
thankfully, I had an appointment with my therapist afterwards so we debriefed a bit. but by that time I'd already left marks
ok, I like that way of thinking
That is good that you saw your therapist. So maybe this time before and after a medical exam you can bring a journal with you
that's a good idea.......
ok...........................I hate to say this but I think I gotta stop talking.................someone inside is getting upset again
Okay, I understand. You can come back to chat later if you prefer
Try some of those relaxation exercises we discussed too
Anytime, always happy to help
that's very much appreciated
I just want to be there for you, so you do not have to go through this alone.
so tempted to self-injure right now............don't have any real reason..........just got triggered............how do I know when it's bad enough I need to go to the hospital? If I went every time I was tempted I would be going a couple times a week.
it's bad........I don't even care enough to try and use the coping strategies right now.............but going to the hospital scares me, too, so I don't wanna go......I've been told (a number of times) by various people that they believe I'm just self-injuring for attention............what's the chance that they are right? Like I said, I have no real reason (no distress, no anxiety) to want to harm myself......I just do.
ok........I sincerely XXXXXXXXXX XXXX response. I don't drive, so I'll have to see if someone is willing to take me.
ok.......I'm grateful for the suggestion........I'd rather not take an ambulance if I don't have to, but we'll see.
And thanks for the reminder about touch...........
are you always online???? It seems like it. lol.
I'm wondering.........I know I've asked this before, but I'm still unsure......when would you say it's time to go to the hospital? I haven't gone yet but came super close to it today.........But my Mom keeps trying to talk me out of it............so when do I put my foot down and demand she take me there? She said she would do that if it was necessary, but she doesn't seem to think it's necessary at this point. How do I convince her it is?
Well, I'm glad you're dedicated.....
Thanks for the tips and help......I'll take a look
I will, thanks