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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2933
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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My nephew just turned 14. I live out of town and do not see

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My nephew just turned 14. I live out of town and do not see him except for maybe 4 times a year. I am his favorite Aunt. I am 58 yrs old. He is a very affectionate child. He frequently props his arm or elbow up on my shoulder and leans on me. Sometimes he playfully pokes me in the cheek. He is always doing this to his dad as well. I admit that he has some issues that need to be addressed and some problems with anxiety, social skills, and not getting along with his mother. He is never in trouble and is not a rebellious teen. Most of the time he spends in his room playing games. But he has a great deal of anger inside. All that said, basically, I was told that his behavior of leaning on me and poking me in the face was inappropriate behavior and should be stopped. That a child of this age should not be doing this and should not be seen in public acting this way. Perhaps I am naive but I have not thought anything of it except for him displaying simple affection. Am I missing something important? Is this behavior something that needs to be stopped. How is this inappropriate? Perhaps not the norm for this age but inappropriate?

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

Who has told you that it is inappropriate?

Coach Jen K. :

There are several layers here....if he has some difficulties socializing and with boundaries then I can maybe see why this would be seen as too much. But, like you, I hear that he is expressing his affection and it sounds lovely.

Coach Jen K. :

I don't hear inappropriate touching or in places that shouldn't be touched.

Customer:

I am a Lesbian and my partner does not like him "hanging" on me and says that it is inappropriate

Customer:

Also stated that many people in public made comments

Customer:

I heard none of them'

Coach Jen K. :

it is normal for 14 year old boys to lean on someone and throw an arm around...many won't do this anymore so that fact that he is shows he needs it and that is just fine.

Coach Jen K. :

ahhhh. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue with your partner than with him.

Customer:

lol I think you hit the nail on the head !

Coach Jen K. :

made comments that a boy is being expressive in this way with his feelings?

Customer:

thank you for your help

Coach Jen K. :

yes I think I have too! :-)

Coach Jen K. :

what is her jealousy all about? nobody else aloud to share you and have affection?

Customer:

you're smart. wish you were my therapist!! :)

Customer:

you hit the nail again I think

Customer:

lol

Coach Jen K. :

lol you can have sessions with me through pear/etherapi. but do you have a therapist already? if not I can give you the link on how to find me there

Coach Jen K. :

how long are the two of you together?

Customer:

actually I do have a therapist but I would like the link. I like your style. You are to the point.

Customer:

7 yrs

Coach Jen K. :

always to the point. no reason not to be. :-)

Coach Jen K. :

here is the link.https://pearl.etherapi.com/connectme/147

Coach Jen K. :

it is an online medium with video chats.

Coach Jen K. :

I have used it with others and quite successfully.

Customer:

Cool. I'll find you

Customer:

you have been a lifesaver

Customer:

thx

Coach Jen K. :

excellent. I look forward. How else can I support you now? Seems like there are some relationship issues that need to be looked at, but we can address that at another time or I am still here with you now.

Customer:

omg we don't have enough time for the jealousy and control issues now LOL

Customer:

we see a therapist

Coach Jen K. :

of course NOT! lol but still want to support you in any way now. Are you finding help in your sessions?

Customer:

somewhat but I feel that you would be better. Move to Atlanta!

Coach Jen K. :

so, I leave it to you. Come find me at the link above and if you want schedule some time and we can delve into things.

Customer:

thank you so much

Coach Jen K. :

ok, I am on my way. Hang on I need to pick up the kids from school first.

Coach Jen K. :

my pleasure.

Customer:

bye

Coach Jen K. :

bye for now.

TherapistJen and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hi Julia,
Checking back in with you to see how everything is going. Hope you are advocating for what you need. I am here if you need any support.

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