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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5048
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have met a very special person in my life. I have known

Resolved Question:

I have met a very special person in my life. I have known her for 18 months and our relationship continues to grow. She happens to be a Licensed Professional Counselor and she is also Asperger's Syndrom, an aspie female. We have spent countless meaningful hours together and after a few hours I notice the stimming. I am a neuro typical plus. If we marry, which we have discussed, am I setting myself up for a difficult future. She also has two boys that are on the spectrum. I am beyond infatuation, have done my homework, but still seek your counsel. She is an INTJ personality type and I am an ENFJ.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I think that is great that you have met someone that you are absolutely in love with and where your relationship is still growing

DoctorZ :

I can understand your concern for the future of the relationship because of her diagnosis of Asperger's disorder, but than in itself is not a predictor for a troubling future with this person.

DoctorZ :

May I ask, how does she acknowledge her Apserger's disorder? Is she open about it and have pretty good insight on it as well?

Customer:

She has not openly admitted to it. I have only hinted and will wait to see if she discloses. Don't want to diagnose but will tell you she has all of the symptoms. She is an INTJ/Aspergers even though there are a few differences between the two. She might well be a undiagnosed 50 year old aspie. She is well versed in CBT and even runs groups but I have seen what social activity can do to her.

Customer:

Plus, her ex husband is aspergers along with youngest son and possibly oldest son. She disclosed this to me.

DoctorZ :

So how does she react with you though? You mentioned you can see what social activities do to her, but what about her interactions with you? Does she express love, empathy, kindness to you?

Customer:

She does live a life style whereby she knows she is aspergers.

Customer:

She says that she has never met another person who knows her core as well as I do. I am a college professor and quite introspective. She is the most loyal and kindest person I have ever known. I am blown away by all that she is, extremely religious too. Love is a difficult term for an aspie or INTJ. She calls me her Best Friend Forever...nice.

Customer:

Also, one of the smartest people I have ever met.

DoctorZ :

I know that love is difficult for someone who has Asperger's Disorder, but there are different severity levels and I wanted to gauge what her severity level is.

Customer:

Trying to stay away from sex

DoctorZ :

Why are you trying to stay away from sex?

Customer:

before marriage and wishes for me to be the keeper of the gate so she doesnt go too far.

Customer:

She believes it is not Christian to fornicate before marriage and says this has gotten her in trouble before. Her two boys are from different fathers, one night stands under the influence. She appears to always wish to have a class of wine or two when we are together...red flag?

Customer:

Discussions always come around to talking sex, usually she initiates it.

Customer:

Im not sure if a potential bride is hiding a blemmish?

Customer:

She is a very mild case to be sure and has mimicked and picked up on social cues throughout her life.

DoctorZ :

A glass of wine or two is not necessarily a red flag. She is talking about sex because she is attracted to you and wants that physical intimacy, but knows that it has gotten her in trouble before by rushing into sex before marriage and she wants to follow her Christian principles.

Customer:

Yes, I believe you are correct.

DoctorZ :

I would agree she is a mild case, also by how you described her as kind and loyal, most likely she has used her own CBT techniques to help manage her disorder well

Customer:

I have never studied or been into another human being more than I am with this one. If we keep going like we are I will give her a ring at Christmas. No problem with the two boys, I'm a veteran teacher and great with kids.

DoctorZ :

I see no reason why you should not marry her, I think she has a good grasp on her disorder where it will not interfere greatly with your relationship

Customer:

I honestly believe I have found a soul mate, if there is such a thing in this life. She is a blessing.

DoctorZ :

That is great to hear, I am very happy for you.

DoctorZ :

It sounds she has a strong capacity to love and empathize with you, as well as delayed gratification (e.g. sex), so I think this relationship will work well for you

Customer:

Thanks for your imput. This will be a huge step for me since I have been divorced for 20 years. Life is great but much more enriching for me with her in it. Plus, I always have a counselor when I need one.

DoctorZ :

That is a good point, you will get free therapy now :) I think you two will be great together

Customer:

Aspies are so literal and quite refreshing to be around. I just have to come to grips with any quirks. Us NT's have our stuff as well.

DoctorZ :

I understand, but quirks can make a relationship interesting. I think you two balance each other out in different ways, and compliment each other

Customer:

By the way, she is absolutely beautiful. She is a sweet spirit. Her special interest since age 6 is theology. It is not unlikely for her to study it four hours most mornings.

Customer:

Thanks Doctor Z for your support.

DoctorZ :

Anytime, I am always happy to help

DoctorZ :

I wish you and her the best of luck on your future together. If you have any questions or concerns in the future, please feel free to contact me at anytime

DoctorZ :

I hope I provided you with excellent service today

Customer:

Well done. Relationships, the essence of this life I have come to believe.

DoctorZ :

I agree, congratulations on finding your soul mate :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5048
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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