It's true that BPD can include hypersexuality as one of the symptoms. It's not the case with all BPD sufferers, but it is a common symptom. The prominence (or severity) of that symptom varies from individual to individual. You describe your wife as being extremely hypersexual.
That your wife did
not exhibit that same hypersexuality with you, meaning that she wasn't aroused as often or as strongly is also not unusual in BPD. Sexuality for someone with BPD is both a defensive mechanism and an aggressive weapon. Thus, withholding sex is as much a part of the BPD pattern as being promiscuous.
Withholding sex from a loved one, from someone the BPD is close with is part of that dysfunction of sex in her life. For the BPD it is rarely possible to separate the feelings of abuse and abandonment and misuse and other negative painful feelings from the whole idea of sex. Thus, the more the BPD loves someone, meaning the closer they are with a person emotionally, the more complex their feelings about sex become. Because that love is intertwined with the feelings of pain and abuse.
So, then, that she might not want to have sex with you or be as promiscuous with you is part of BPD. That would be very possible and not necessarily be a statement about you or your sexual abilities or attractiveness. It would most likely not have anything to do with you at all, not be about you, but rather about her and her past.
Do BPD sufferers enjoy sex? Do they have actual sex feelings? That is your question and it's hard to answer. Because as I said above sex is not separate for a BPD from the pain, shame, fear, and other feelings from the past that haunt the BPD. So there is really no way sometimes for the BPD to actually access sexual feelings just in the moment in terms of a loving relationship.
But Robert, you yourself have stated that you are also highly focused on sex. And in a somewhat similar way: where it is very much tied in to your childhood experiences of abuse and incest, etc. And so you also perhaps have these same situations happening internally. What I wrote above may also reflect some of what's happening inside for you.
As for whether to tell your therapist, the "mother figure", about your wife's exploits, I don't know your relationship with the therapist to answer. It would depend on how long you've been seeing her. And what level of trust there is between you. You've indicated before, if I recall correctly, that she is concerned about you and schizophrenic symptoms. If so, then perhaps you should take her concerns seriously and work with her on how to alleviate whatever symptoms she has identified.
So, the goal in therapy is to be able to share whatever is on your mind and in your heart. If you feel comfortable and confident, then yes, tell the therapist.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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