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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I asked my ex husband to have our 7 year old son to live with

Resolved Question:

I asked my ex husband to have our 7 year old son to live with him so i could get back on my own 2 feet financially. A year and a half later, my ex tells me my son was caught giving oral sex to another little boy in his school bathroom and that his counselor is advising my ex husband to file for full custody and to have no contact until further notice because my son implied he learned it by watching me. He could have caught me in the act but i was never questioned by my son later on of my actions. If my child was a victim of being molested by me, i could see that being a reason. But that is not the case. So why can i have no contact with my son. its been 3 months and now i'm starting to question my ex husbands motives and intentions. What is really going on? I need some answers. Please help me understand.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

First off, you need an attorney to take your case and demand that you resume visitation rights

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is very possible that your ex planted these ideas in your son's mind,.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is also possible that your ex watches pornography and your son has see it at your ex's home.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is also possible that he was just induced into it. It is a sexual act but in a child that young is probably did not come out of desire.

Customer:

But i don't know how to seek proof of that sort of thing. My son has been molested once by a family we were living with...the older man asked my son in their bathroom for my son to kiss him on his genitals..he was not set up for counseling for it which was a huge mistake on my end but i did have a long talk off and on with him about it .

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Then this could have been the reason and your husband is using this to hurt you and to take your son away from you.

Customer:

The counselor knows about the situation and has reported it to police according to my ex husband.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must fight him tooth and nail and not let him get away with this.

Customer:

My ex husband is persuasive and manipulative to a pulp. He lives in a different state than i do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need not only an attorney but a mental health expert - the kind that testifies in court.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Does he have a court order prohibiting visitation?

Customer:

I was working as a mental health technician when i received all of this news...It caused me to want to quit working there. And i myself have moved out of town to stay with my boyfriend for emotional support.

Customer:

he claims he has filed before but i have been served any papers ever

Customer:

I cannot trust anything that comes out of his mouth. When my son lived with me , he wouldnt hardly contact our son a lot of hte time and now all of a sudden he cares so much about his relationship with him. It bothers me because i know my son.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Talk to an attorney first thing and find out what you can and cannot do legally. Stick with the law and then make countercharges against your ex.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may be a narcissist and lives to control and dominate.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must fight this aggressively or he will keep on rolling over you.

Customer:

My parents advised me to that as well. I dont make much money to afford any of it but I love my son and I would do anything for all of this to go away. I just want it to be done the right way.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get resources from parents, boyfriend, savings, friends, relatives, anyone who can help you.

Customer:

But my main question is , if he HAD caught me in a sexual act and wanted to try on another boy in school, why would that be reason to not have contact with me?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Judges do not need logic and some judges are not honest, either.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is why you need a good attorney because right now you are defenseless and at the whim of HIS attorney.

Customer:

I get that..But is that legal?? I'm not a sexual aggressor or child molester..my little boy supposedly just caught me and me not realizing. I feel punished for something out of my control.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am with you on this 100% but knowing that you are right is not enough. Everyday Americans who have done little or nothing are punished by an unfair system of justice. You MUST fight back, with whatever resources you can muster.

Customer:

Well i just figure it would be fair for me to still be able to talk to my son just to hear his voice. I'm being punished because supposedly my son learned something sexual by watching me. It's not like i put on a show! He had to have walked in on something.But being so innocent why wouldnt he have asked me "mommy what are you doing?". children always ask questions to things unknown. never has he asked me anything of hte sort.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The testimony of a 7 year old boy about something of a sexual nature like that might now even be permitted, and there are many cases of unfair decisions later overturned because of overzealous counselors.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are not sure, then do not admit anything. You are already saying too much.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They will say you were not discrete, or you did not secure your bedroom or assure privacy. Don't give them an inch.

Customer:

Okay. I'm going to look around for an attorney and see what i can find.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps your ex is gay and that is why you broke up.

Customer:

Well he was unfaithful.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps your son walked in on him and another man.

Customer:

and abusive afterwards

Customer:

Well he is remarried now to the woman he had an affair with. They have another baby together.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will have to fight him with all you have. Perhaps your son saw THEM.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Supposing this or that works TWO ways.

Customer:

I'm wondering if he walked in on them and he is telling me that my son saw me. and lieing about me not being able to have no contact

Customer:

becuase i could find out the truth

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Please find a good attorney. No mother deserves what he is trying to do. That is monstrous.

Customer:

Yes i agree. I will try my best to find one that is not just in it for money and winning, but for the best interest of my child and to get the whole truth. because like i mentioned, i do not trust my ex for the life of me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Talk to some women's groups. They will be most willing to help and most informed.

Customer:

Thank you so much for your time and all your helpful answers. You were alot of help to me. I have to leave and get ready for work. Is there anything else i need to be informed of or know before i head out ?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

No. Be strong. I shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Mental Health Professional
7663 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.