Hello I believe that I can help you with your concern
I am sorry that you are going through this with your stepson and husband, I can imagine how distressing this is for you
It sounds like your stepson has some traits related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) by the behavior he exhibits. Here is some more detail on NPD for you
Your husband's behavior is definitely not supportive of you and enabling your step-son's behavior. Most likely your husband is doing this is because he has been used to your step-son's behavior for so long.
Because your husband is not listening to you, I do think that going to a counselor would be a good idea for both of you, but even if he does not go that still should not deter yourself going to one.
Have you mentioned to your husband that the thought of leaving him has come to mind because of his behavior towards you?
my husband came from a missionary family and was separated from his parents during the war, from 6 till 9. he has no concept of danger, or keeping rules...one of his sons has aspergers, but not confirmed, and his other son, the son i am talking about is dyslexix, my husband i think has some of these tendencies, as he is unable to show his emotions..
So if he is unable to show his emotions, he may also have a limited sense of empathy too and may not understand what you are going through
yes i have talked about leaving him, but he always manages to smooth over everything, its like groundhog day.... and yet when i talked to him about seeing one of the consellors at our church the thought of these issues been shared with a friend of his made him so angry with me.
I thought he would react that way to the idea of counseling which is why I mentioned that you can go to therapy by yourself and you can benefit from it. Also many times when an individual sees that their spouse is going to therapy and making some good changes in their lives, it will make the individual want to check out therapy as well. So even if you go by yourself, do not be surprised when your husband asks to join you at a later date.
i think that is a good idea, and perhaps it would be better if i saw a therapist outside the church setting, rather than a mutual friend of ours, and may not make him so defensive.
That can be an option as well. A good approach to your husband is to try to find common ground with his son (your step-son). If you both can find a compromise that you both agree on, that will go a long way.
But to do that, he has to willing to communicate with you and not be dismissive of your concerns
I think i could work towards that, and maybe try to make some arrangements with his son, if the three of us could try to talk together.
Well you and your husband can go to a counselor to have an objective opinion weigh in on both of your concerns and help both of you reach a compromise and then you both can talk to your step-son.
Here is a good worksheet to help building compromise for both of you
i thing that perhaps is better, i am aware i tend to rush things and make wrong decisions, thankyou for the worksheet, i will look through them tomorrow,as it is very late here now, but appreciate your advice, and will also try and get information on the
npd disorder as well, not for ammunition, but maybe i could understand him more
Anytime, I am always happy to help
If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me again at anytime.
I want to wish you and your husband the best of luck and I hope you both work through this difficult time. I hope I provided you with excellent service tonight
Hi Dr. Z,
well i have spent a few days away with my sister, and am not so stressed.
I will be returning to college next week, and should be busy again. not that avoidance is good, but when my bp. goes 236 over 100 my doctor worries.i asked my stepson for key back, but he just said he needed it to rescue his dad... i told my husband but he doesnt see anything wrong with this comment. to me its the ongoing interference of his son, but in reality i suppose, it is my husband who is at fault, in allowing it. Im backing off for a time. laying low, and getting on with things. ive made a couple of practical changes, like changing the internet settings, which my stepson uses all the time, and also not shopping till mondays, so theres no food here for the weekend.sounds draconian, but im hoping to tempt my husband away with a picnic or a restaurant...does that sounds conniving.
thanks and hopefully i will have some good news soon
hi doctor z,
today has been rough, in fact the whole weekend. when my husband learnt about the internet today he decided to move out for a few days, just to get space. he is going down camping.....punishing me, he never uses the internet, its because his son cant. yesterday too, he spent most of the day waiting for his sons call after horse-riding with his daughters, so he could go down to his sons house....and then on to our prayer meeting...its ironic....im now branded as demon possessed....and needing deliverance...he argued with me that because its his money too his son should be able to use the internet.... by the way his son is going down as well to get some materials for his work. this is crazy, as in the last five years his son went through 150 thousand euros of our money, with the excuse of building and extension for his house for the Lords Work.. I objected at the time saying it would be a money pit, and by this time next year we would be in debt and you would regret it , but my husband wouldnt listen, and now my husband not my stepson has 15,000 debt on credit card, 5,000 mortgagge debt in my husbands name, other debts in my husband name..they even borrowed from me at one time but never paid me back...and thats out of my weekly pension which is very small.and my husband and i share in council housing, which we will never own...my children are all moved out...and i will never have anything to leave them. my husband said he would never leave this house, but when i said i would move out, he said go ahead,its no problem to him for me to leave. he should move in with his son, god knows theres plenty of room with the extension. however he doesnt want to infringe on his sons space.....????? my husband also is a hoarder, and has given me untold problems of making the outside space of this home a dump. I just had a hip replacement last year, and when my stepson texted me looking for my credit card no. as his dads cancelled, my sister texted him back saying i was unwell and he would have to ask any information through her. he was livid after that....my husband says im turning into a bitter old women.