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Hello I believe I can help you with your concern tonight
I am sorry that you and your girlfriend recently broke up, I can imagine that must be hard for you
Most likely her spending spree was a coping mechanism to make herself feel better as she may be feeling depressed, guilty, or anxious over the breakup and this is her way of deflecting those feelings temporarily.
Do you think she has a pesonality disorder. She has had past relationships that have ended the same way.
Well describe to me some symptoms on why you think she may have a personality disorder because so far going on a spending spree after a break up is usually a response to depressive feelings that many people exhibit.
She has depression and is taking Citalopram, she seems to only care about herself, she thinks she is overweight and eats more, she ignores reality, she seems to be a differerent person now
When you say she ignores reality, can you describe an example of this for me?
She doesn't seem to care about the relationship we had which was real and acts like it never happened
I think she is in denial of the relationship to protect herself from accepting the loss of the relationship, this is why she deflected her depressive feelings by going shopping because she does not know how to process these feelings. I do not believe she has a personality disorder, but I believe she may be emotionally immature to help herself in coping with her depressive feelings, so she relies on these maladaptive techniques like shopping and denial to cope, which only work temporarily.
What suggestions do you have to try to help her? Or is there no hope?
There is always hope, but she would have to voluntarily seek it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most evidence based therapy to help her with these issues. It helps by focusing on the negative thoughts that cause these symptoms by changing her negative thought process to be more positive and plausible in helping her to lessen these symptoms.
So this link may help her, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help her keep track of any negative thoughts she has. She puts the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want her to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more positive and plausible). This will help her change her way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking
One more thing, I am her third relationship and all three lasted 2 to 2 1/2 years then she broke them all off. Why would she do that every time.
There could be many reasons, but maybe for some reason 2-2.5 years is a sign of commitment to her that she is not ready for and that is why she breaks up during that time because she is overwhelmed with anxiety and needs to seek a release by ending the relationship abruptly. But I am just speculating as I have not interviewed her, there may be other reasons.
Ok, Thank you. Excellent Service
Thank you for the positive feedback, I am happy that I could help. If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me at anytime.
I want to wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck with everything and have a pleasant upcoming weekend
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