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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I am in a very psychologically damaging relationship because

Resolved Question:

I am in a very psychologically damaging relationship because of severe emotional abuse, idk if u can help what ur time frame is if there is a cost and perhaps your professional credentials
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 11 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation.

Customer:

thank u were should I begin

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am a professional psychotherapist/psychologist and I am willing of support you here as much as possible within the limitations of this interface. There is also counseling option available besides of this chat if you want professional and confidential support.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please tell me more about the core issue here, what happened, for how long has this been affecting you and how you feel about it.

Customer:

thank u iam in a emotionally abusive 7 year relationship with a man who has many sociopathic tendencies. he seems 2 have some kind of hold on my physical responses to stress. one day hes loving especially in public but abusive at home he whispers things under hes breath repeats things I have tld him twist them and uses them against me repetitively has said things out loud like im going to kkkkkill u he has no money n uses me for money through totall

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry, this is truly awful, there is no way for any form of abuse to be acceptable, from emotional and psychological to financial or physical, any form of abuse is just unacceptable and should not be tolerated at all, even more coming from the very person who is supposed t be there to understand, protect, support and care for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

His words are not only abusive but very traumatizing, and for anybody in your shoes to undergo this chronic abuse and violence for so many years is just very sad and overwhelming.

Customer:

manipulation. he has a 12 year old son who lives w us part time who is also abusive he says things to freak me out checks me out inappropriately thinks its funny cause he makes me shaky takes pictures of me when I don't even know whats going on I told my boyfriend who has visciously n repetively used this against me n now my boyfriends new angle is 2 call me a pedaphile which he has done repetively its got me totally freaked out ive never in my life has a thought like that as god is my witness now I have muscle spasms around other children I know rationally its all bullshit but its like my body is afraid

Customer:

the son also punched me in my private parts and said oh sorry holly

Customer:

this is so weird I don't know what to do my friends and family all hate my boyfriend I really have no were 2 go who would believe this bullshit

Customer:

I went to stay with my brother for a few days n the boyfriend kepts saying how old is maddie 3 3333 I was terrified 2 look at the girl

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is awful! Please, you have been a real victim of so much abuse and violence, and you should not continue to expose to any more of it under any circumstance.

Customer:

please help how do I get out

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But didn't you say that you are the one who supports him financially too. what keeps you there then? He will continue to use, abuse and manipulate you as much as you allow him and his child. You do not need nor deserve any of this, please come to terms with reality and the fact that there is nothing healthy for you next to this person at all.

Customer:

I have no proof alittle money which I do believe he has some weird angle to take from me hes losing his house n 2 weeks n no place 2 live im so messed up I was just trying to help him n his kids

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need to tell your family, those who truly care about you and who are mature, assertive relatives and close friends about all the abuse, and also if necessary to file a report to the police or to social services, since you have been a chronic victims of domestic violence at multiple levels.

Customer:

no one is going to believe me doctor I was hospitalized after my husband committed suicide after 23 years of marriage when he came out for being gay. I have been hospitalized twice since them since living w him I believe his behavior and manipulations probably had a big hand in that. everyone will think im off my rocker again he tells me this all the time

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

There is no way you could truly help people who happen to be this abusive and dysfunctional, but you have been literally neglecting yourself, exposing to all this abuse and enabling it. Please you do not need this, awake to reality and start respecting and loving yourself.

Customer:

he presents well I have a bacelors in psychology from the university of Washington sir

Customer:

how am I enabling it I never looked at it from that perspective

Customer:

I am buying a new house in 2 weeks I literally have no place 2 go until then I live in a resort area were it is very expensive to live temporairily he is supposed to move in with me I need help paying the bills

Customer:

good pointe I have always neglegted myself emotionally 2 the needs of others

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have been literally self-sabotaging, empowering abusive people who have been using and manipulating you.

Customer:

my best friend warned me years ago I was going to be dead on cnn if I contineud seeing this guy. I have a history of that now that I think of it. I never even had a checkbook until after my husband died

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please reassess your situation, and start by respecting yourself and not allowing anybody to use or abuse you. He and his son have shown you that they do not only do not deserve your trust, affection nor support, but that they are real perpetrators that could only hurt you and destroy your life and well-being.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

the best you could do is to get as far away from him as possible, to get close to and all the support you can from caring and healthy people in your life, and to immediately contact a local organization providing support to victims of domestic violence, for sure you will find several there and they would assist you with psychological and legal resources and in other ways necessary for you to start your rehabilitation process.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If these services are not available locally, please seriously consider other options but your first priority right now is to end this vicious circle of abuse and violence.

Customer:

I always blamed myself for my husbands death that destroyed my family and the lives of my children. how do I get self respect back seriously. another important pointe I forgot to disclose and I am terrified of this actually is he knows of illegal actions of people in my live if I leave him now seriously im not kidding they could do jail time he would use against me

Customer:

I cant risk that

Customer:

my daughter is newly pregnant and in an abusive relationship

Customer:

I really cant leave town

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you need to get a good attorney and all the support you can from healthy family members, close friends and organizations supporting victims of domestic violence and work on it. It would not be easy and would take time, buy you need to start doing something proactive about it, otherwise it would get worse and worse, damaging you and everybody involved.

Customer:

I wasn't kidding when I told u this was a bad situation

Customer:

not that anyone close 2 me here in town would be affected but others im afraid 2 put this on the internet

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You may suffer of codependency, which is a serious addiction, and it fuels from insecurities, fears and needs, you said you suffer of very poor self-esteem and that fuels the violence and because you have been taking from them. Then please look for a good professional psychotherapist to support you to work on yourself, to develop the necessary skills to effectively cope and health from it, and to gradually get away from this dangerous person.

Customer:

I will thank you before I go can u tell me more about codependency

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please remember that this is a public forum, and everything shared here remains posted accessible to anybody who has internet access. I suggest you to seriously consider confidential and professional counseling support. I am willing to provide this support to you if you want, since this website offers in the present this new service too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When we have not developed enough self-respect, self-esteem and confidence in ourselves, and feel the need to please and get approval from other people in ways that expose us to be used, abused, disrespected or manipulated in subtle or obvious ways, and we feel we cannot change our ways that easily, then it could be that this addictive pattern known as codependency has been rooted in our personality undermining our relationships and ability to take good care of ourselves. But there is hope as long as we take full responsibility to work on ourselves, on making changes within ourselves and in our concrete daily lives with the right support.

Customer:

thank you I have changed names and places to remain cofidential

Customer:

I am all done

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for trusting me this much. I would suggest you to allow me to block the content of this chat session to further protect your privacy, considering your fears and seriousness of your situation. Again, I am willing to support you with confidential counseling support through the professional services available through this site if you want.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good then.

Customer:

please I am kinda regretting this

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. In case you want to try professional counseling here, feel free to use this link and I'd support you as much as possible. https://pearl.etherapi.com/connectme/164

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel sure that all your private information remains confidential here.

Customer:

thank god

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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