How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5457
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
74815544
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been dating my 62 year old boyfriend for several months.

Resolved Question:

I have been dating my 62 year old boyfriend for several months. We have a wonderful relationship but, something is holding me back. In honesty I deal with some jealousy issues but I am very aware and have learned ways to overcome my issues. My problem is that my boy friend has quite a few women friends- neighbors ex lover etc... his 36 year old daughter lives with him, she had some emotional problems and has been there for 3 years. She has bought a house, one door away. Last night she was home and my boyfriend explained that he is not comfortable having sex when she is home. This made me extremely uncomfortable. I like this young woman, though she acts 19 not 36. My boyfriend has been married 4 times and has had live-ins. I come from a 25 year marriage and am a widow. Thoughts?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I can understand your concerns about what is holding you back regarding your relationship with your boyfriend

DoctorZ :

Have you discussed with him about the number of woman friends he has and ex-lovers?

Customer:

Yes, and he assures me that I have nothing to worry about, he even forwarded me an e-mail from an old "gal pal" who was talking with him that stated that with time I would realize what a morally correct gentleman he was and how she would stay away if she was a problem. This made me feel stupid, I handle my own problems. I am pretty private that way. Her forwarded e-mail felt geared to me and sent up a red flag.

DoctorZ :

I understand, the forwarded email does sound a bit odd, but also may be your boyfriend was just trying too hard to convince you.

DoctorZ :

It sounds like both of you have had different romantic histories where he has been married multiple times and have had multiple partners as well, but you have had a very long term marriage with one man. I think his history was different then yours that you are unaccustomed to it that you feel you could be another one of past spouses in the future.

DoctorZ :

I think in the back of your mind, you feel that he does not take relationships as seriously as you do because of his past romantic history

Customer:

Yes, that is possible but, what is up with the no sex thing? With so many past partners and women he does things for is this a relationship with too many potential problems? I really have strong feelings for this person but, I am too old to make a mistake. Too much at risk.

DoctorZ :

Well it is possible that his daughter may have made a comment about hearing him have sex in the past and this has caused him embarrassment and that is why he said no sex while she is at home. I understand your worries, but he is also getting too to make a mistake too and I think he would want a lasting relationship as well

Customer:

If that was the case he should have explained a little better. The history here scares me. I know he wants a lasting relationship, however partnerships are a two-way street and I am scared of being on a one-way street. My children are all adults about the same age. If they happened to overhear us having sex, they would appreciate the fact that they have a lot to look forward to in life and give us privacy.

DoctorZ :

That is true, but you did mention how his daughter acts like a 19 year old, so may be she has some maturity issues and would not handle it well like your adult children. But you are right he should have explained it better to you, maybe you can ask him about it for more clarification.

DoctorZ :

Has your boyfriend indicated any other signs of behavior that a future relationship with him may be a one-way street? I understand his history scares you, but has he acted in any way with you that would be cause for concern other than the no sex thing when his daughter was at home

Customer:

We are talking about moving in together. This would not be easy to do, my place does not fit with his business, he is retired but buys, repairs, and fixing and selling to keep busy. He always needs something to do. He is quite the neighborhood go to guy and is relied on by many in his neighborhood. He has a shop, a cool bar downstairs, plans for this and that around his very nice property. He says I could do whatever I want to the house. This would be the my retirement home. I have mentioned that I would purchase a hot tub and create a area around it. It wasn't much later that he kind of said he wasn't much of a hot tub person. I am not much into home bar rooms but it is not a issue for me if it makes him happy. There have been a few of the offhand comments. His home does not to appear to have any prior redecorating from other partners.

DoctorZ :

That does have some cause for concern because he definitely seems very interested in his own tasks and keeping busy. This "work ethic" can be a problem for your relationship because he will always be busy that he may stop making time for you, but that is something both of you can communicate and make a compromise to prevent this. Still talking about moving in is a positive step that he wants to take the relationship to the next level and indicates that he is serious about this relationship

Customer:

Thank you, I see that him and I have communication problems I will work on this! But, I think I will hold off until I am more comfortable.

DoctorZ :

I think that would be best, XXXXX XXXXX no need to rush this move and you are right it is a big risk for you.

DoctorZ :

Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5457
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education